The boys finished dinner before me and Diana so we let them go off and play. A couple minutes later they both came up to us at the same time. Ethan had taken a headband that Ollie made at camp and was wearing it like a belt. The headband was yellow, and had black pipe cleaners attached so Ollie could he pretend to be a bee. Because of the way Ethan was wearing it, the black antennae were pointing forward, which Ethan thought was hilarious. He stood there giggling and very much pleased with himself.
Ollie was wearing a necklace that he had out of some pipe cleaners, and a Crown Royale bag I had given to him to hold his treasures like a purse around his neck and shoulder. He was also very pleased with himself. My father used to give us Crown Royale bags to play with as well, and it was cute to see Ollie involved in similar play as myself when I was a child.
There’s a scene in the Elton John film, Rocketman, where Elton as a child is sitting at their kitchen table. He picks up a fashion magazine that his mom was reading that had pictures of dresses, and starts flipping through it. The father scolds young Reggie (Elton’s real name) for looking at the magazine, and Reggie then sheepishly pushes the magazine away and looks down in shame.
There’s a handful of heartbreaking moments in this film, and some of the scenes with his father were some of the most difficult to watch. Rocketman reminds us that our lack of acceptance of our children can have far-reaching effects. Elton’s inability to love himself is directly related to him not getting the love he wanted from his father. This led to self-destructive behavior, and attempts to commit suicide.
Ollie, my oldest child is six-years-old. He is not too young to be damaged by a lack of acceptance from myself and other people in his life. If an adult he cared about in his life told him that his dancing around to Disney songs, (one of his favorite activities) was not something boys were supposed to do in a harsh way, he could start to develop a self-hating complex. This could years to unpack and process. Dreams get squashed, pride become shame, and things kids love about themselves become things they hate about themselves far too often when adult don’t nurture what children love about life.
Ollie likes to give and receive kisses. So it made me sad a month or two ago when Ollie asked me why other boys in his class thought kisses were gross. I explained that like different taste in food, some people like kissing and some people don’t and that’s okay. “Do you like kisses?” I asked Ollie. He nodded yes and I kissed him. The way other boys in his class feels about kisses hasn’t stopped him from enjoying kisses in our house, which is all I can really do.
I can’t control outside world, however I can make sure that inside our house, Ollie can be whoever he wants to be. For me growing up in a world that I didn’t see mirrors in, and I didn’t feel understood by my peers, I always had my home as a place that I could comfortable be me and be accepted and loved. It was enough for me, and with the way that my boys dressed up after dinner, I think we’re on the right track.
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