I didn’t sign up to be a teacher to be a performer.
There are aspects of teaching like reading a book aloud, and when I sing a song to my students which are very much performances. However, this isn’t the same as when I used to get up on stage during recitals, concerts, or march in football games in the marching band as a performer. In those moments the performance is about sharing art, but it’s not about teaching. For me those performances were more about my own personal gratification then when I read a book to a class of students. I love doing both, but it’s a different feeling. Performing in the role of a teacher is less about me then performing in the role of a performance artist.
My goal as a teacher is to do as little as possible during a student performance. If I can get away with standing at the back of the auditorium and the students can perform a whole song, then I’ve done my job. Student independence is an amazing thing to watch that fills me with so much pride as an educator.
As a music teacher in a school community, there are times when I’m called on to perform, and I more often than not avoid these situations. I’ll usually try to elevate some other faculty member to be featured, or I’ll have students be a part of a performance for an occasion. I’m good at what I do, but this school is not about me. It’s about the community and most of all it’s about the students.
Here’s the thing, I do love performing and moments when I do get on stage and perform for the student body, I really enjoy. When people compliment me, I am gracious and try to present some kind of aura that it’s not that big a deal and that performing isn’t something that is important to me. It’s funny, one of my colleagues, always calls me out on this. She sees through my fake humbleness and sees how much I enjoy this part of the job. I feel like I’m in denial a little bit about this because I don’t want to be that person who takes up too much and space and air time. I am in positions all of the time in meetings and on stage to have my words be heard and I just don’t want to overdo it…and at the same time, I need to embrace what I enjoy and just go for it.
We had a teacher who led a chant at our opening assembly, kind of a call and response hip-hop flavored song. Since he retired six years ago, we’ve had other people try to do it, groups of faculty, and even some students and it never really clicked. I never put myself in the position to do it, rather trying to involve other because in a way it felt easier to deny my desire to own this moment, while in reality it was creating a unproductive internal conflict.
So this year, I dove it, told people I would do it, which surprised some. It was awesome, so much and I’ve been hearing from all corners of the community how much they appreciated me leadership and my performance. It feels great and it doesn’t feel like it was too much about me. It was a gift that I could gives something I could give to the community.
That moment on stage was a reminder that being a performer can be as much about the audience and it’s okay for me to get up on stage and do my thing. There are moments when we need to step aside and let others lead, but there are moments when it’s okay to take the stage for your community. I don’t regret trying to give this space to others in years past, and I don’t regret taking this moment for myself this year.
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