Ollie jumped from rock to rock along the shoreline.
Only a couple minutes earlier he was carefully holding my hand as he navigated the gaps between the large stones that made up the Northwestern University lakefill. The fall air warmed us gently upon us last Saturday morning as I felt the gently wind off of the lake. Ollie got further and further away from me and for a moment I wondered if he still felt my presence. Then he paused looked back and happily yelled, “daddy.”
Ethan has started Kindermusik class at Northwestern three weeks ago. We’ve been going to campus together for the Saturday morning class. Diana takes Ethan into the class and I’ve been spending time with Ollie on the lakefill. We’ve taken our scooters around and explore the shoreline, and the had the opportunity to spend some time together.
People talk about this idea of “quality time.” One of the compromises of modern parenting is that sense time is often limited with our children, we try to make ourselves and each other feel better by repeating the idea that “it’s not about the quantity of time we spend with our kids, it’s the quality of time.” It’s a nice thought and while I don’t disagree with the idea of quality, there does need to be a certain amount of quantity to build any relationships, and for time to actually be quality. Yes, an hour with your kids when you are distracted by your phone isn’t as meaningful as half an hour when you are actually paying attention to your kid, but why can’t we just have an hour without the phone?
Anyways…
After dropping Diana and Ethan off, I put a timer on my phone so let us know when we had to head back without checking my phone. We followed the path to the lakefill. Explored the rocks and ran around the weeping willows. Underneath one of these trees was a campfire. I showed Ollie how to take the ashes to scrap him name into the stones. We returned to this spot and threw these rocks into the lake and watched the ripples travel across the calm water.
There were times that we talked, and other times when we were silent. Sometimes he told me what he wanted to do and other times I gave him suggestions. Sometimes we would be close holding hands, and other times Ollie was far ahead in the distances. No matter how far away he got, he knew I was there, and even though we didn’t talk, we were sharing something meaningful beyond words. At times I didn’t know what to say to Ollie so I just let the silence sit between us.
Quality time are times when life is hard. When tears come and tantrums occur. The important and meaningful times are not always on beautiful days. Sometimes they do happen on days likes these when forty minutes and each other is all we need to experience what makes life meaningful.
I have to say that I'm proud to know you
And I’ll never be the same because we met
You might not miss this
I will.
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