There are so many things that make a school special, that make it a place where students feel welcome, safe, see, and known. As children do more of what we say, then what we do, one of the most important ways to ensure that our students have a great school is that the adults value each other, and their contributions.
I have very different relationships with the adults at my school. All of them are colleagues, and peers. Some are on the side of the spectrum in which we know each other’s names and are cordial with other but that’s it. There are those in the middle of the spectrum with whom we share friendly encounters. And there are friends, real friendships. Some of them are more situational, friendships that are formed and nurtured because we work together and then there are the friendships that have extended beyond the work place.
This past week there have been moments that have reminded me how important these relationships are, and much they mean to me at this school.
There’s the 3rd grade teacher who refers to students and adults around the school as “friend.” She makes a point to do this in front of the children so that they see that she values her relationships with other people. I saw on the other end of the of an empty hallway talking towards me, and as she approached me, she said “good morning, friend,” and with a smile and a nod, it was clear that this wasn’t about putting on a demonstration for her students, she was truly acknowledging me as her friend.
Sometimes a five minute conversations can feel much longer, not because it dragged on but because of the power of the connection during such a short encounters. This was a chance encounter. We don’t see each other very often, but we have always expressed respect to each other. I asked her how this year had been going, and instead of giving me a polite short answer she opened up about some of the struggles in her family that I see mirrored in my own experience.
Then there was the activity in our faculty meeting. It was an exercise in exploring listening skills and empathy. We partnered up and were asked to share a memory of doing something for the first time. One person told the story while the other person listened and took notes for the purpose of retelling the story at a later time.
When we were asked to partner up none of us really thought too long about it and just paired up with were near us. As we settled down to share, it occurred to me that the person I was sitting across from was one of the first people I met at this school ten years ago. This was a person I shared challenging times, enrichment time and hilarious times with at this school.
This experience, the stories we told each other in the frame of this exercise were shared as friends. What I told her I wouldn’t have told to every person at this school, and perhaps this was the same experience for her. It was a moment of personal sharing, of colleagues learning from each other, and fostering a friendship that is one of the reasons that this space is so special.
Yes, this is personal, and powerful for myself, but it’s also about my students. Students may not explicitly understand the relationships between their teachers, but they can feel it in the interactions between adults, the way teachers share the space in the school.
It’s worth it to stop and spend a couple more minutes socializing with a colleague or taking a chance to get to know someone you don’t know as well. In doing what we expect our students to do, we are helping creating an atmosphere for our children to succeed. Also working on relationships remind us of the effort and work that we ask our students to do every day as they move through their day and create a community of friends and learners with their peers.
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