Ollie had spent most of the day laying on the couch. He was so sick that when a television show had finished, he lay there in front of a still menu screen not even asking for Diana to put on another show for him. Later we found out that he had strep throat and croup, but at the time all we knew is that he wasn’t okay.
I rushed home from an evening meeting. Diana had already set up a doctor’s appointment for him. I carried him from the couch into the car, and again from the car to the office. His feverish body felt heavier than I imagined, and his legs hung long around my hips. My muscles strained as I carried him, but I was determined to not let him go.
Some day he was going to be too big to carry, but not today.
He didn’t quite fit as I sat down and he cuddled against my chest. Ollie was not a baby, and while his body awkwardly tried to fit against mine, I was reminded as much as he is still was my special little guy, he wasn’t a baby anymore.
*****
In the darkness, lying next to Ethan, he seems to take over the entire bed. I feel his head cuddle into the nape of my neck, and I reach down trying to find his feet, attempting to prevent him for kicking Diana. His clumsy movements, as he rolls around under and around the covers makes it seem like he’s everywhere at once.
At times when Diana leaves the bed and I push him over to that side of the bed, he somehow manages to fill up more than half the bed. Without fear, knowing he is close to me, Ethan let’s go. He reaches out his arms and spreads his legs feeling free to take up space, knowing that if he reaches out far enough he will fell the touch of one that he loves
Then there are times when they seem so small.
Ollie’s covers, like the underside of a pillow feels cool to the touch when you initially climb under them. So, as I climbed into Ollie’s bed to read to him, I felt his body curl up against mine. His hands curled up under his chin and his entire body snuggled up underneath my arm. Ollie’s body held tight, almost shivering as I started reading and we entered the world of Oz.
As the covers warm up, I feel Ollie’s body relax, but his body remains next to mine as close as it could to mine, and it that moment I hold everything.
*****
“HUGS!!”
Looking down at Ethan with his arms stretched up at me, he screamed wanting me to pick him up. I’m trying to get dinner cooked and he is frustrated that I’m not holding him. “Hugs please?” I respond. Ethan pauses, and relaxes his face. He puts his arms down, and then he reaches up and says in small voice with a little smile, “hugs please?”
Looking down at this little one, he is seems so small, and as I lift him into my arms, his body works in perfect unison in my arms. We fit together in that moment and I hold him, because sometimes dinner can wait.
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