Year 10: Week 18 – Back In Action...Kind of

This was a strange week.

It was my first week back from child-rearing leave after being away from about month and missing three weeks of school (winter break happened during my leave).

At the first parts of the week, I felt like I was in a surreal haze. Some of this had to do with my lack of sleep. but the other piece of it was that I didn’t feel like I was fully back into the swing of things. I had a ridiculous amount of emails to get through, and at the same time I was trying to figure out where my kids were at in their learning and what I needed to do to support the work they did when I was out.

I was very fortunate to have a great paternity substitute. He supported the curriculum I had laid out for him and went beyond, innovating and designing lessons that were interesting, educational, and enjoyable. We had our winter band performance this past Thursday and since my first day back was Tuesday, it didn’t really make sense for me to take over. So, he finished out the concert cycle and did and continued his great work.

It was really great to sit back and watch my students perform, and at the same time part of me wished that I could be more involved. It wasn’t a feeling based on the idea that I could do better than my sub. It was more a feeling of not quite knowing what to do with myself, and not having been in that position before.

I have a feeling of that I don’t know quite what I’m doing this week when I’m in front of my students. My first day of teaching, I couldn’t remember any of my students' names. It was really weird. It wasn’t until yesterday when things started to come together. And it was today when I felt back in control of my class and what I was doing.

What started working toward the end of the week was starting from square one and approaching my classes like I did the first day of school. I spent some time reestablishing norms, and processes. I kept things moving but also paused to be explicit about things that weren’t going well, and things that were happening that I really liked.

I am glad to be back to see my colleagues and feel the energy of my students. Next week, I will fully take control and do what I know I can do, and just get business. The time to hesitate is through.  I got this, even though this week I didn't feel like I did.

On some level, Lucas becoming part of my life has changed me, and this has for sure effected the teacher that I am. I don’t know how and in what ways I am different but I feel that something has changed. I just can’t articulate what or how right now.

I do know that my colleagues did a fantastic job working with my substitute, and supported and honored my work when I was gone. For this I am very grateful. As I find patience in myself,  I will once again find myself in the classroom.