A couple night ago we were relaxing in our bedroom with Ethan before bedtime.
Ethan was playing with his baby doll that his Aunt Laura got him. One of this therapist suggested that we get him a doll a while back as a way to work on names of body parts. I mentioned this to my brother and my sister-in-law found this wonderful doll that had a similar features and skin tone to Ethan. It also came with a headband like the headband that keeps Ethan’s Baha hearing aid in place. It was a wonderful and very thoughtful gift.
Ethan has been playing this doll on and off and for the past two days he’s been really into this doll. He’s been carrying this doll around the house and has been sleeping with it.
We were asking questions about the doll to Ethan and one of us referred to the doll as a boy, “does he need a blanket?” I paused for a second, and asked Ethan, “Is the baby a boy or a girl?”
“Girl.”
I’m trying really hard to create an anti-sexist household. I listen to my Diana, and try not to interrupt her. I make sure my sons understand that I have the ability to do the same chores as Diana, and take my turn cleaning, cooking, and doing bath time. I nurture my boys interests regardless of how they fit into gender stereotypes. We were just as supportive as with Ollie’s desire to go see Incredible 2 as we did when he wanted to see Frozen 2. Generally, we are doing pretty good. However, I feel like I mess up all of the time.
With stuffed animals, and toys, the default gender I give to them is male. While I do a pretty good job at making sure that the books, movies and television shows are egalitarian, unfortunately my sons have seen quite a bit of imagery and have experienced stories that are have sexist ideas. I need to do better to interrupt exposure to gender stereotypes to make my Ollie aware of the messages about gender that he is getting that are beyond his awareness.
I’m trying, not succeeding 100%, but I’m trying.
Ideas about gender are established in children before the day they are born. The first thing people ask about unborn and newly born babies is gender. It’s absurd, ridiculous, and silly. This norm, or instinct speaks to how important clear gender dichotomy is for people to understand other people and themselves. All of this effects our children.
The moment with the baby doll was a great reminder that while our children have already picked up on gender stereotypes at early ages, they aren’t completely indoctrinate with the sexist ideas and influenced by the patriarchy, they have independent thoughts about gender. If you listen, they will surprise you sometimes.
Your son may love playing with a doll, and that doll, he might see as a girl. One way to help make a household more egalitarian might be to simply listen to your children, and let them take the lead.
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