Ethan, my two-year-old really likes to cuddle.
If he had his choice while watching a television show, or taking a nap, he would cuddle close to me or Diana. At times Ethan’s growing independence is showing, however when he is nervous, not sure what to do, or when it’s clear the me or Diana have something that we need to do, he will ask for one of us to hug and cuddle him. We affectionately call this asking for “huggles.”
Physical contact and loving affection is essential to emotional well-being, and development. One of the important and really wonderful benefits of being a parent is that there is a lot of physical contact involved. Thankfully we are past the time when people are discouraged from physical affection with their children. I completely embrace Dr. Spock’s advice (the child psychologist, not the Vulcan) and whenever I want to hug my child, or show them physical affection, I do.
There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.
The other day Ethan got up around 6:30am. He woke up asking for me, so I got him out of his crib, and carried him over to the guest room. We cuddled in bed together and fell asleep. 7:30am hit and I rolled out of bed to get going for the morning. Immediately, Ethan woke up and began crying for me to hug him more. We had literally cuddled for an entire hour and he wanted more.
Ethan’s insistence on being held and cuddled often happens when I’m trying to cook dinner, eat breakfast, and clean up the house. It has happened when I’m sitting on the toilet trying to take care of my business. I’m not joking.
In these situations, I’ll give him a short hug, try to get him distracted with a toy or a television show, or I just let him scream. I love him, but he needs to learn that I have limits to my affection and physical affection requires consent.
There are times that I wish that Ethan would stop this, but most of the time, I brush it off and put my annoyance aside, because I know it’s finite.
I can’t bring to mind the last time Ollie, my six-year-old asked for a hug.
Ollie will cuddle with me when I climb into bed with him or pull him close to me when we are watching television, but he doesn’t ask for hugs the way he used to, the way Ethan does anymore. Ollie doesn’t push me a way when I initiate and I can tell from his body language that sometimes he wants me to and doesn't ask
This morning I was waiting for the waffle iron to heat up and Ollie walked silently into the kitchen. Today was the first day back to school after winter break, so I knew it was going to be a challenge for Ollie. He stood there silently next to me. I looked down at him, and I opened my arms up to Ollie. He reached up and picked him up and held him against my chest as he wrapped his legs around my waist.
The silence in the house focused my attention on Ollie. I could feel his heartbeat as his chest pressed against mine. My arms held Ollie and as I adjusted my grip, Ollie’s body would move in me arms like a dance.
The “beep” of the waffle iron startled both of us and we both laughed. It was like a call back to reality from a special place where time didn’t seem to exists and we felt like the only two people in the world.
The way we interact physically with our children changes over time. There will be a time when I can't pick up one of my children and cuddle them. I know I will miss it, and I know part of me will want to reach out for a huggle.
I'm not there yet, so I'm going to enjoy the huggles that I got my children. Embrace the ones that are request and make sure that I'm available for the ones not asked for, but needed just as much.
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