If you are friend of mine, you’ve heard me complain about Ethan, my 2-year-old.
I try not to complain about my children too much. They are a blessing; they have enriched my life tremendously and I don’t feel that they are a burden. Yes, they make my life more difficult, but every night before I go to sleep, and look back at my day, the love and meaning the bring to my life is what resonates from the day, not the challenges. I love being a father. Besides being a husband, it’s the greatest role I’ve taken in my life, and I am forever grateful to my wife for making this all possible.
The thing that you need to understand about Ethan is that the things that are challenging about him are the things that make him wonderful now, and will help him be an incredible adult.
Ethan is very loud, and there’s no ramping up to this volume. He just goes there immediately. If he wants milk, and he doesn’t get it right after he asks for it, then he’s screaming at me. It’s like he thinks I’m some magical short-order chef that can make milk appear instantaneously.
I am glad that Ethan has no problem advocating for himself. I was that child who would be too shy to ask for a cupcake at birthday party, and then I wouldn’t get one. It wasn’t until graduate school where I truly gained the confidence to speak for myself and self-advocate. Ethan is already there. I’ve heard him scream for a cupcake at a birthday party, (and so did everyone else at that party). I’m excited to see how this evolves into an ability to self-advocate.
If Ethan could design his perfect day it would include as much physical contact as possible. For approximately half the day he would be held by someone. Watching television would be done in someone’s lap and meal times would be social, with pauses to hold hands. Naps would be done with physical contact and so would sleeping through night. You know how some people like to cuddle as they go to sleep and then separate. Ollie is like that. Ethan isn’t, he wants to cuddle the ENTIRE NIGHT.
Yes, this is annoying, and I get cuddling fatigue. Putting these feelings aside, this is one of the most wonderful things about Ethan. Touching others is a way that he understands the world and a way that he knows that he can bring comfort and joy to himself and also others.
Today, Ethan was playing with some toys on the floor. I put down his baby brother Lucas on a blanket in another part of the room. When Lucas started crying, Ethan put his toys down and lay down next to Ethan and cuddled close him, which actually calmed Lucas down. It was beautiful. This instinct to feel closeness to others and understand physicality as a way to communicate will serve him well as he learns how to express himself and connect with others.
Ethan’s sometimes overly goofy at the dinner table, but this desire to make people smile will help him through tense situations. He is stubborn and refuses to give up about silly little thinks, and when he’s older he will be stubborn about important stuff. And Ethan sometimes wants to read the same book over and over, and this fascination with art will serve him well and he works to understand what it means to be human.
This is what is means to love your child and see what annoys you about them as assets to cherish and nurture. Yes, Ethan is tough at times, and what makes him difficult is also what makes him wonderful now, and in the future.
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