I am fortunate to have a team of music teachers that I work with. Many music teachers in schools are alone in their subject matter, but I am alone in my teaching role. For example, the three 3rd grade teachers all teach 3rd grade. No one else teaches 5th-grade music, and I am the only one. Also, my role as music department chair and DEI co-chair put me apart from others.
No one can completely understand the stress and responsibilities of my work. While I do have people that I can talk to, I have to make decisions by myself many times. I am aware that my role as department chair creates a space between me and some of the people I work with. And while I participate in meetings and conversations, there are times that I don’t feel fully included.
Surrounded by students, and teachers, at my desk or walking through the halls, sometimes I feel lonely.
I feel deeply about my decisions.
Whenever I decide a resume should not make it through the initial shift, tell a student they did something wrong, or have to say “no” to a teacher’s request, I feel the impact of my actions. Decision-making is usually not complex for me. I typically know the best way to proceed pretty quickly. What takes time is for me the process the emotional and interpersonal impact of my decision.
What is best for my school is not always felt as best for individuals, and what is best for individuals is not always understood initially. In a job built on relationships, empathy is essential, but it also sometimes feels like a burden. There are times when people think that I don’t consider their feelings, but they are wrong. I always do.
There is no recipe.
There is a song called “Orion” that I have taught to every 5th-grade class for the past dozen years. Every single time I teach it, I have to do it differently. The students are different every year, and they need other things from me. Yes, I have a general plan on how I’m going to teach this song, but it needs to be changed and modified for each year.
My success as an educator is not based on how well I follow a plan. It’s based on how well I can adapt to my students’ needs. This extends to the curriculum that I teach, which is constantly evolving. The world is changing, and so should the curriculum. Without a recipe, it’s hard to know if something will turn out well. So you have to take chances as a teacher and try different things. Sometimes this leads to failure, but other times it leads to success. When things don’t work, we can’t blame a recipe. But when things work well, we’ve created something truly magical that can never be replicated exactly the same way because of the uniqueness of every student.
I have to clean up the mess left behind by thoughtless adults.
When adults act thoughtlessly, carelessly, and in an unkind way, teachers often have to clean up the mess that children wade through. When people made jokes about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock, I had to explain to middle schools that there was nothing funny about the assault as they repeated jokes adults made about this situation. When twice-impeached, former president trump would say a racist or sexist comment, I often had to help students process his statement. And when a student repeated a misogynistic joke that a comedian said, I had to interrupt and unpack the harmful impact of those words.
Many adults throw things out inside our society and culture with little to no regard for how young people will experience and process their actions. Children are watching, and those who act as if they are not are adding to the challenge of being a teacher.
I don’t understand why people throw out so much negativity in the world, but I understand how it impacts young people, and it’s a lot to deal with.
What I love.
I love talking about students with other teachers. I love working through a crisis with colleagues, and I love solving problems. I love dancing with my students. I love leading my students in song, and I love sitting back and doing nothing while they sing independently.
I love telling students about the facets of my identity. I love showing the student the beauty in the diversity of the human experience, and I love excitement and amazement when a student sees themselves in a lesson that I teach. I love being an educator. I love building relationships through kindness, and I love knowing that I am valued by others in my community.
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