In this new age of self-care, one metaphor commonly used is the oxygen mask. The idea is that they instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask on a plane before helping out someone near you. This applies to real life because you should take care of yourself before you take care of other people. In a time when teachers are overworked, stressed out, and on the borderline of being burned out, the idea of taking care of yourself first is about survival. It’s also helpful in refraining from what it means to take care of your students. If you don't take care of yourself and have a breakdown, you are incapable of taking care of your students.
The issue is that this doesn’t always apply to parenting very well.
The other night I decided to cook myself a healthy dinner instead of just grabbing whatever out of the refrigerator. Ethan really wanted something from me, so I told him that he had to wait. As I got my dinner ready and sat down to eat, Ethan asked for my attention. I told him that I would be with him as soon as I was done with my dinner.
I finished my dinner, and then I couldn’t find Ethan. I looked all over the house. He wasn't responding to my voice, and I eventually found him hiding in our backyard on top of our play structure. Yes, Ethan made a terrible choice by hiding from us when he didn’t get what he wanted. And I made the wrong choice as well.
I could have grabbed a banana, hung out with Ethan, and eaten dinner after he went to bed. Ethan would not have had a meltdown and had a much better night. Would I have been hungry? Yup, but I would have been fine. I don’t see it as a big sacrifice to put my children’s needs in front of my own because often, it will bring peace later, which genuinely does allow me some time for self-care.
That’s why I cook breakfast for my children on weekends before I cook my own. They are hungry when they wake up, and so am I. However, I can manage my appetite better than my two-year-old and wait for later. If I make Lucas wait for me to eat before he eats, I will have a meltdown on my hands, and no one will enjoy breakfast.
I’m not saying that all of your needs should come second to your children’s needs. I’m saying that often, delaying your needs and taking care of your children means that you will be able to have your needs met later with more peace and calm.
Being a parent means that you have to put aside your needs. It’s not uncommon for parents of newborns to miss showers, eat poorly, and stop exercising. When you have a newborn, it is not the time to “put your oxygen mask on first.” Yes, you should find ways to “self-care,” but it looks different when you have children.
One time, someone told me about an after-work self-care routine that took forty-five minutes. I wanted to laugh out loud. My after-work self-care routine is going to the bathroom and then changing into more comfortable clothes. If I really want to treat myself, I will sit in the car for two minutes and watch a silly youtube.com video before leaving my car.
So yeah, self-care? With children, sometimes it’s best to wait and get their mask on first, you can hold breathe, but they can’t.
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