Here we are the final run of the school year. The chunk of time between spring break and summer break. As a teacher there seems to be clear priorities. It’s a time of culmination in which concepts and ideas come together and synthesized through final projects. Sometimes these projects are research papers, presentations, and in my case concerts.
As we plan backwards from the last day of school, making sure that we carefully utilize the short amount of the time until the end of the year, it’s easy to forget that our students, aren’t always in the same headspace.
I come to the end of the school year, knowing that even though I have a group of new students next year, I am coming back to the same grade, and with familiar curriculum. As I think about my ninth year at this school, I feel comfortable knowing that most situations and challenges in the following school year, I have already dealt with, or can deal with feeling the support of my colleagues and my administration. While there is a lot of planning I need to do for next year, it’s work that I’ve done before in a space that is known.
My 8th graders are in a very different place. Next year they are going into high school. This is one the biggest transitions in teenage years. There are many unknowns, and fears that affect some of the 8th graders in the spring, others in the summer, but it hits them all eventually. It’s a lot to process. While I’m trying to get them focused and directed for their culminating performance, the students are worrying about the future, and a myriad of other issues that are intertwined and very difficult to pull apart (e.g. puberty, friendships, relationships with parents, identity development).
Sometimes this processing work, all of the feelings and challenges are expressed through clear questions, and expressions of emotions. Most of the time, it’s in ways that are less productive, like expression of apathy, changes in behavior, and sometimes, simply making bad choices.
As a teachers, while I’m committed to holding the line and never dropp the standard of how we work as a learning community until the very last second of the school year, there also needs to be ways that the students have space to express what they need to, and be who they need to be even if it’s counterproductive to the goals of a lesson.
My current plan to take care of my 8th graders is to create stability, accountability, and predictability for my 8th graders. I’m hoping that in the space of the band room, they can escape other worries and focus on the art of making music. This helped me through my teenage years, and maybe it can do the same for them.
My role at this school has me teaching 3rd grade, 5th grade, 6th grade and 8th grade. So this is the last year I get to teach these students. It’s almost incomprehensible how much these students have grown and changed since I first taught them in third grade. It’s really bittersweet letting them go, but it’s exciting. I get one more shot to bring them together musically, and help them bring meaning and beauty through music into their own lives.
I’m going to miss them. To deal with these feelings, I need to remind myself more than anything else to enjoy the time I have left with them, and hopefully in a small way this will help my 8th graders through this difficult time in their lives.
Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts
Friday, April 20, 2018
Monday, September 1, 2014
Parenthood: Week 66 - Michael Brown & Ollie Tang
The tragic death of Michael Brown has reminded the nation that there are many people in this country who racist, insecure, hateful and in denial about the racial issues in our society. The people who donated money to support the police officer who shot Michael Brown, the pundits who attack the “liberal media,” and make themselves out to be victims and the Americans who refuse to see this tragedy for it is, is a depressing but important reminder that we have so much work to do as a country.
What’ shocking is how in many ways we aren’t calling these people out for being speaking in offensive ways and for being quite simply, wrong.
What does this all mean for Ollie? He’s half-Asian, and for many people Asians are the “preferred minority.” Often when people are talking about issues related to minorities they are talking about African-Americans and Hispanics. When we talk about illegal immigrants most people think about Mexicans crossing the border and when people mention minorities in education, they are mostly focusing on African-Americans.
Does this mean he’ll be fine and never have to face racism? No, of course not, but if Ollie somehow lived his life never dealing with racism directed towards him and Asian-Americans, racism would still effect him deeply.
I’ve probably only dealt with a handful of instances when someone made racially offensive comment to me. And I’ve probably only came across a couple people in my life who were truly racist towards Asians. But every time, something happens like the death of Michael Brown, it resonates with me minorities of all races.
When people make racist remarks and actions, it makes other minorities second guess the value of their identity, their worth in society. If a white police officer can shoot and kill a unarmed black teen and is defended as a victim, what does this mean for the way that people can treat me, the way that people will treat my son? If the majority can get away with mistreating one minority, than it shakes the confidence in all minorities that we are protected and valued in our society.
If you really let this tragedy sink-in, it should rock the foundation of all our senses of freedom and justice regardless of race.
I have no idea how I’m going to explain racism to Ollie. I want so much for him the believe in the good in the souls of people, but unfortunately there are people who just don’t let that good shine through. For them, Ollie simply because of the fact he’s half-Asian, a fact that he should be proud of, will be judged differently.
When I think about people doing mean things to me, it’s annoying. When I think of people doing mean things to my wife Diana, I get angry and when I think of people being mean to Ollie, it’s reaches a level of fury.
I get why Martin Luther King Jr. talked about his kids in his famous "I Have A Dream Speech." It physically hurts to think of Ollie dealing with racism. For King and many in his movement, I imagine that they felt the same way.
If you don't understand my feelings, because you don't have kids or because you're not a minority, then you have got to trust us that this is an issue and do what you can. Yes, there are those who have less honorable motives when they make speeches against racism, but those people are few.
Diana explained to me a couple nights ago that being exposed to racism has its benefits. It teaches us about our fears, our insecurities and helps us understand our own feelings. Diana's right, it's not all bad. Many of our greatest heroes and many of the most inspiring moments in our history were made in response to racism. We understand our capacity for compassion, strength and love better because of those who faced racism and fought against it.
These thoughts bring me comfort but most of me still wishes I can protect Ollie from all the darkness in the world. I know that I can't and one day we will have to help him understand that not all people are nice. Until then, we will surround him with love and goodness so that when he meets someone who is racist, he will feel sympathy and compassion instead of anger and hate.
What’ shocking is how in many ways we aren’t calling these people out for being speaking in offensive ways and for being quite simply, wrong.
What does this all mean for Ollie? He’s half-Asian, and for many people Asians are the “preferred minority.” Often when people are talking about issues related to minorities they are talking about African-Americans and Hispanics. When we talk about illegal immigrants most people think about Mexicans crossing the border and when people mention minorities in education, they are mostly focusing on African-Americans.
Does this mean he’ll be fine and never have to face racism? No, of course not, but if Ollie somehow lived his life never dealing with racism directed towards him and Asian-Americans, racism would still effect him deeply.
I’ve probably only dealt with a handful of instances when someone made racially offensive comment to me. And I’ve probably only came across a couple people in my life who were truly racist towards Asians. But every time, something happens like the death of Michael Brown, it resonates with me minorities of all races.
When people make racist remarks and actions, it makes other minorities second guess the value of their identity, their worth in society. If a white police officer can shoot and kill a unarmed black teen and is defended as a victim, what does this mean for the way that people can treat me, the way that people will treat my son? If the majority can get away with mistreating one minority, than it shakes the confidence in all minorities that we are protected and valued in our society.
If you really let this tragedy sink-in, it should rock the foundation of all our senses of freedom and justice regardless of race.
I have no idea how I’m going to explain racism to Ollie. I want so much for him the believe in the good in the souls of people, but unfortunately there are people who just don’t let that good shine through. For them, Ollie simply because of the fact he’s half-Asian, a fact that he should be proud of, will be judged differently.
When I think about people doing mean things to me, it’s annoying. When I think of people doing mean things to my wife Diana, I get angry and when I think of people being mean to Ollie, it’s reaches a level of fury.
I get why Martin Luther King Jr. talked about his kids in his famous "I Have A Dream Speech." It physically hurts to think of Ollie dealing with racism. For King and many in his movement, I imagine that they felt the same way.
If you don't understand my feelings, because you don't have kids or because you're not a minority, then you have got to trust us that this is an issue and do what you can. Yes, there are those who have less honorable motives when they make speeches against racism, but those people are few.
These thoughts bring me comfort but most of me still wishes I can protect Ollie from all the darkness in the world. I know that I can't and one day we will have to help him understand that not all people are nice. Until then, we will surround him with love and goodness so that when he meets someone who is racist, he will feel sympathy and compassion instead of anger and hate.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Parenthood Week 62 - The Party: Part 1
I don't get out much.
It has been almost two years since I went out and did something social without Diana or Ollie. I was very protective of Diana during her pregnancy and the craziness of Ollie’s first year of life didn’t leave a lot of free time. I was okay with this fact but I knew that I was important that I push myself out of this pattern. So when LaJuanda invited me to come over for a party that would include a performance of her acapella group she sang in, I told her that I would come, but I no idea the struggle that night would bring.
LaJuanda had invited me to parties earlier but I either declined because Diana was pregnant and I had to take care of her or I’d laugh it off because the performance would be at 9pm and that’s WAY too late for this new parent to be out. The thing is that LaJuanda kept asking me to come and in this way, I realized that it would mean something to LaJuanda and our friendship for me to come.
I met LaJuanda when she was a freshmen her first night on campus. I had graduated at that point but my wife who is two years younger than me was in marching band with her. I remember LaJuanda being timid and displaying a quiet thoughtfulness. I saw her around that year and we would be friendly with each other but mostly our interactions were limited to an exploding fist bump.
Years later, we ended up both working as assistants at the same school and we agreed to car pool to and from work. Over the twenty-minute drive we bonded over marching band memories, stories about mutual friends and puppies (this was the first year we had Buffy). We became friends over this time and I would regularly invite LaJuanda to social gatherings and to hang out.
There’s many great traits about LaJuanda. She’s smart without being cocky, she’s funny but also sensitive and she is empathetic with a incredible capacity to understand people of all ages. The most amazing thing about LaJuanda is when she looks at you and smiles; she makes you feel like you belong.
The performance was at 9pm. I wanted to get their early around 8:30, so I would need to leave the house at 8. Ollie goes to bed at 7pm, so I could take a shower around 7:15. Parents, as you know plans rarely go as hoped. Ollie didn’t get to be until 7:30, then I had to unclog our bathtub which was in really bad shape. By the time all of this was done it was 8:15. Okay, forget the shower. I threw on a clean Doctor Who t-shirt, combed my hair, washed my face and I was out the door.
The driving went fine. I was in the area around 8:50, but then the parking was killer. Billy Joel was doing a concert near-by which meant is was nigh-impossible to find an open spot. Usually in Chicago, all you have to do is circle the block a couple times and something will open up. It wasn’t like that this night.
After not finding parking in the immediate area, I worked my way outwards. Every block I went through, every open spot then ended up being a fire hydrant frustrated space. As the minutes passed, I was feeling more and more like a failure. How could I not be able to make this evening work? By that time, I found a spot, it was 9:30, a half an hour after the performance was scheduled to start.
By the time I parked, I wanted to go home. How could I show up this late to a performance that was probably already done? None of these people are married or have kids, how could I survive at this party? I walked down the street towards the apartment crossing my arms, holding myself and feeling tears well up as the warm summer evening breeze felt cold and made me shudder.
Standing in front of the apartment building, I could hear the party and I could see the light upstairs. What was I going to do? Show up after the performance? Apologize awkwardly? I can’t do this. I can’t even make it to the event on time, let alone be social. Maybe the reason I haven’t gone out on my own with friends is because I don’t know how to anymore, maybe I’ve been using Diana and Ollie as an excuse.
So I turned around and headed back to the parking lot. I started formulated an excuse that I would send to LaJuanda. I could blame it on Ollie. Chances are, LaJuanda didn’t even notice that I wasn’t there for the performance.
As I crossed the street to the parking lot LaJuanda texted me. . .
It has been almost two years since I went out and did something social without Diana or Ollie. I was very protective of Diana during her pregnancy and the craziness of Ollie’s first year of life didn’t leave a lot of free time. I was okay with this fact but I knew that I was important that I push myself out of this pattern. So when LaJuanda invited me to come over for a party that would include a performance of her acapella group she sang in, I told her that I would come, but I no idea the struggle that night would bring.
LaJuanda had invited me to parties earlier but I either declined because Diana was pregnant and I had to take care of her or I’d laugh it off because the performance would be at 9pm and that’s WAY too late for this new parent to be out. The thing is that LaJuanda kept asking me to come and in this way, I realized that it would mean something to LaJuanda and our friendship for me to come.
I met LaJuanda when she was a freshmen her first night on campus. I had graduated at that point but my wife who is two years younger than me was in marching band with her. I remember LaJuanda being timid and displaying a quiet thoughtfulness. I saw her around that year and we would be friendly with each other but mostly our interactions were limited to an exploding fist bump.
Years later, we ended up both working as assistants at the same school and we agreed to car pool to and from work. Over the twenty-minute drive we bonded over marching band memories, stories about mutual friends and puppies (this was the first year we had Buffy). We became friends over this time and I would regularly invite LaJuanda to social gatherings and to hang out.
There’s many great traits about LaJuanda. She’s smart without being cocky, she’s funny but also sensitive and she is empathetic with a incredible capacity to understand people of all ages. The most amazing thing about LaJuanda is when she looks at you and smiles; she makes you feel like you belong.
The performance was at 9pm. I wanted to get their early around 8:30, so I would need to leave the house at 8. Ollie goes to bed at 7pm, so I could take a shower around 7:15. Parents, as you know plans rarely go as hoped. Ollie didn’t get to be until 7:30, then I had to unclog our bathtub which was in really bad shape. By the time all of this was done it was 8:15. Okay, forget the shower. I threw on a clean Doctor Who t-shirt, combed my hair, washed my face and I was out the door.
The driving went fine. I was in the area around 8:50, but then the parking was killer. Billy Joel was doing a concert near-by which meant is was nigh-impossible to find an open spot. Usually in Chicago, all you have to do is circle the block a couple times and something will open up. It wasn’t like that this night.
After not finding parking in the immediate area, I worked my way outwards. Every block I went through, every open spot then ended up being a fire hydrant frustrated space. As the minutes passed, I was feeling more and more like a failure. How could I not be able to make this evening work? By that time, I found a spot, it was 9:30, a half an hour after the performance was scheduled to start.
By the time I parked, I wanted to go home. How could I show up this late to a performance that was probably already done? None of these people are married or have kids, how could I survive at this party? I walked down the street towards the apartment crossing my arms, holding myself and feeling tears well up as the warm summer evening breeze felt cold and made me shudder.
Standing in front of the apartment building, I could hear the party and I could see the light upstairs. What was I going to do? Show up after the performance? Apologize awkwardly? I can’t do this. I can’t even make it to the event on time, let alone be social. Maybe the reason I haven’t gone out on my own with friends is because I don’t know how to anymore, maybe I’ve been using Diana and Ollie as an excuse.
So I turned around and headed back to the parking lot. I started formulated an excuse that I would send to LaJuanda. I could blame it on Ollie. Chances are, LaJuanda didn’t even notice that I wasn’t there for the performance.
As I crossed the street to the parking lot LaJuanda texted me. . .
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Monday, July 28, 2014
Parenthood Week 61: Melting Away The Bad
Breakfast was not going well.
Ollie was fussy because he was hungry but instead of putting food in his mouth he was picking up the scrambled eggs off his tray and throwing them on the ground. "That's fine," I thought, "I’ll just feed him myself and not let him pick up the food." This worked for a little bit until Ollie pulled the food out of his mouth and threw a handful of half-chewed-up mush on the ground.
When mealtime is going well with Ollie, it’s really charming. He loves the challenge of using his hands and baby utensils to eat. Ollie normally has a great appetite and he genuinely enjoys the ritual of sharing a meal with others.
Ollie’s a baby and he has his moods just like anyone else and sometimes he just doesn’t feel like eating. Fine, so I pulled him out of his high chair, wiped his hands and face off, which always causes the most melodramatic screams of anguish and I put him down in his pack ‘n play with some toys.
As I started on the dishes from breakfast I heard the sound of Ollie throwing his toys out of his pack ‘n play. I walked over to see Ollie crying and reaching for the toys he had just ejected from his play space. It was one of those mornings when he didn’t want to be held and he didn’t want to be put down. After some fruitless efforts to clam him down and entertain him, it was time for his morning nap.
Maybe it was the previous hours of chaos but his screaming as I rocked him down for his nap, didn’t really seem so bad.
People talk about how you should nap when your baby naps. Well, this is a ridiculous idea since your baby's nap-time is the only time you have to do chores or work. However this idea nap-time is often unrealistic when the time that your baby was awake was stressful and taxing. This transforms your baby's nap time into something completely different like lying face down in a bed, too wound up to take a nap but too tired to get anything done.
Hearing Ollie wake-up, I got up from my zombie-like state on the bed, not feeling refreshed or satisfied that I was productive during this time. When I walked into the room I could seem him smiling in the dim light. Even as I changed his diaper, which usually is a little uncomfortable for Ollie right after he has woken up he was giggling.
I carried him over to my bed and lay down with him, hoping that he would chill out with me for a second, so I could get myself together. To my surprise, he crawled on top of my chest, placed his thumb in his mouth and reached around my neck with his other arm to cuddle up.
Ollie isn’t much of a cuddle-bug when he’s awake. He does these super cute re-charge cuddles in-between crawling around the house. He comes up to one of us, usually Diana, cuddles up to her for ten seconds and then scurries away.
This was different. I had gotten plenty of cuddles in with Ollie when he was younger but now that he has begun to be more active, he wants to move around more than anything else. This made the fact that he chose to stay and cuddle with me even more special.
He scooted off of me after about ten minutes and started vocalizing. He was being super-cute as he tried to mimic sounds I was making.
And then this happened:
Yes, Ollie was a handful that morning, but so what? He was being a cuddle-bug and actually said his own name! That's the balancing act that is parenthood. Endless hours of frustration melted away with the sound of your child's laughter or a sloppy open-mouth toddler kiss.
Ollie was fussy because he was hungry but instead of putting food in his mouth he was picking up the scrambled eggs off his tray and throwing them on the ground. "That's fine," I thought, "I’ll just feed him myself and not let him pick up the food." This worked for a little bit until Ollie pulled the food out of his mouth and threw a handful of half-chewed-up mush on the ground.
When mealtime is going well with Ollie, it’s really charming. He loves the challenge of using his hands and baby utensils to eat. Ollie normally has a great appetite and he genuinely enjoys the ritual of sharing a meal with others.
Ollie’s a baby and he has his moods just like anyone else and sometimes he just doesn’t feel like eating. Fine, so I pulled him out of his high chair, wiped his hands and face off, which always causes the most melodramatic screams of anguish and I put him down in his pack ‘n play with some toys.
As I started on the dishes from breakfast I heard the sound of Ollie throwing his toys out of his pack ‘n play. I walked over to see Ollie crying and reaching for the toys he had just ejected from his play space. It was one of those mornings when he didn’t want to be held and he didn’t want to be put down. After some fruitless efforts to clam him down and entertain him, it was time for his morning nap.
Maybe it was the previous hours of chaos but his screaming as I rocked him down for his nap, didn’t really seem so bad.
People talk about how you should nap when your baby naps. Well, this is a ridiculous idea since your baby's nap-time is the only time you have to do chores or work. However this idea nap-time is often unrealistic when the time that your baby was awake was stressful and taxing. This transforms your baby's nap time into something completely different like lying face down in a bed, too wound up to take a nap but too tired to get anything done.
Hearing Ollie wake-up, I got up from my zombie-like state on the bed, not feeling refreshed or satisfied that I was productive during this time. When I walked into the room I could seem him smiling in the dim light. Even as I changed his diaper, which usually is a little uncomfortable for Ollie right after he has woken up he was giggling.
I carried him over to my bed and lay down with him, hoping that he would chill out with me for a second, so I could get myself together. To my surprise, he crawled on top of my chest, placed his thumb in his mouth and reached around my neck with his other arm to cuddle up.
Ollie isn’t much of a cuddle-bug when he’s awake. He does these super cute re-charge cuddles in-between crawling around the house. He comes up to one of us, usually Diana, cuddles up to her for ten seconds and then scurries away.
This was different. I had gotten plenty of cuddles in with Ollie when he was younger but now that he has begun to be more active, he wants to move around more than anything else. This made the fact that he chose to stay and cuddle with me even more special.
He scooted off of me after about ten minutes and started vocalizing. He was being super-cute as he tried to mimic sounds I was making.
And then this happened:
Yes, Ollie was a handful that morning, but so what? He was being a cuddle-bug and actually said his own name! That's the balancing act that is parenthood. Endless hours of frustration melted away with the sound of your child's laughter or a sloppy open-mouth toddler kiss.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Monday, July 21, 2014
Parenthood: Week 60: Top 5 Things I Rock At As A Parent
Last week, I listed off the stuff I suck at as a parent. This week, I got the top 5 things that I’m actually good at. Yes, my arm will probably get sore from patting myself on the back but when you’ve been doing this parenting grind for a while, it’s important that you take some time to be proud of what you actually do well.
5. Taking Pictures
When my sister-in-law was pregnant, my brother got into photography. His amazing pictures of his daughter inspired me to get a good DSLR camera and learn how to take photos. I had a Canon point and shoot I used to take pictures of Buffy as she grew up but this new camera opened up a new dimension of photography. I have no photography training, but I have a good eye and have learned a lot through experience. One of these days we will get a professional photographer to take a picture of Ollie, but with the photos I’ve managed to get, I don’t feel a strong motivation to hire one.
4. The Diaper Change
I used to be pretty bad at this (check out this post on “Adventures In Diaper Changes.”). It’s been over a year and I got this down. I’m fast, I ignore his screams and I know how to keep him from rolling over. Sometimes its unpleasant, okay it’s actually never pleasant, but after its done, I love picking him up, giving him a kiss and knowing he’s clean and comfortable.
3. Feeding Ollie
Part of this has to do with how I taught Ollie how to use a bottle, which I discussed in this earlier post. Now that Ollie is eating solids, I cook for him and he likes most of what I give him. I have a lot of fun helping Ollie get food into his mouth whether it’s using chopsticks, his baby utensils or simply sitting back and letting him cram handfuls of food in this mouth. No, there’s no airplane flying in for a landing to get that spoon in, but there are a lot of giggles and funny facial expressions.
2. Putting Ollie To Bed
I love the challenge of putting Ollie down. I don’t give up easy (which I demonstrated in this post) and I’ve developed a bag of tricks that has helped me get him to sleep. Now, I don’t get him down every time and there’s plenty of moments when I need to tag out and Diana needs to come in and take over. As bad as the screaming get, it never fails to warm my heart to have him sleeping in my arms.
1. Knowing My Son
As a parent, I am most proud of the fact that I know my son. Ask me anything, Ollie’s food preferences, favorite book, song, or toy, and I have an immediate answer for you. I know the look in his eyes when he’s sad, the sound of the cry when he’s in pain and I know exactly how to position his arms so that he is most comfortable when he’s falling asleep. I have conversations with Ollie every day and while he’s only now beginning to talk, he’s told me about his world and his feeling since the day he’s been born, through his eyes, his body and his breath. Ollie is smart, curious, sometimes fearless and has an amazing sense of humor. He believes in the goodness of all people and the power of a smile.
5. Taking Pictures
When my sister-in-law was pregnant, my brother got into photography. His amazing pictures of his daughter inspired me to get a good DSLR camera and learn how to take photos. I had a Canon point and shoot I used to take pictures of Buffy as she grew up but this new camera opened up a new dimension of photography. I have no photography training, but I have a good eye and have learned a lot through experience. One of these days we will get a professional photographer to take a picture of Ollie, but with the photos I’ve managed to get, I don’t feel a strong motivation to hire one.
4. The Diaper Change
I used to be pretty bad at this (check out this post on “Adventures In Diaper Changes.”). It’s been over a year and I got this down. I’m fast, I ignore his screams and I know how to keep him from rolling over. Sometimes its unpleasant, okay it’s actually never pleasant, but after its done, I love picking him up, giving him a kiss and knowing he’s clean and comfortable.
3. Feeding Ollie
Part of this has to do with how I taught Ollie how to use a bottle, which I discussed in this earlier post. Now that Ollie is eating solids, I cook for him and he likes most of what I give him. I have a lot of fun helping Ollie get food into his mouth whether it’s using chopsticks, his baby utensils or simply sitting back and letting him cram handfuls of food in this mouth. No, there’s no airplane flying in for a landing to get that spoon in, but there are a lot of giggles and funny facial expressions.
2. Putting Ollie To Bed
I love the challenge of putting Ollie down. I don’t give up easy (which I demonstrated in this post) and I’ve developed a bag of tricks that has helped me get him to sleep. Now, I don’t get him down every time and there’s plenty of moments when I need to tag out and Diana needs to come in and take over. As bad as the screaming get, it never fails to warm my heart to have him sleeping in my arms.
1. Knowing My Son
As a parent, I am most proud of the fact that I know my son. Ask me anything, Ollie’s food preferences, favorite book, song, or toy, and I have an immediate answer for you. I know the look in his eyes when he’s sad, the sound of the cry when he’s in pain and I know exactly how to position his arms so that he is most comfortable when he’s falling asleep. I have conversations with Ollie every day and while he’s only now beginning to talk, he’s told me about his world and his feeling since the day he’s been born, through his eyes, his body and his breath. Ollie is smart, curious, sometimes fearless and has an amazing sense of humor. He believes in the goodness of all people and the power of a smile.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Parenthood: Week 59: Top 5 Things I Suck At As A Parent
Parenting involves a myriad of different skills. There are things as simple as carrying a baby and wiping her mouth and more complicated things like installing a car seat and forcing molded plastic together to form some kind of baby toy.
There’s a lot of these things I’m great at and there are some of these things that continue to be a challenge for me. Because everyone love lists on the internet, I’m going to lay out the "Top 5 Things I Suck At As A Parent."
5. Finding the Right Size Outfit
I never seem to pick out the outfit that is the right size for Ollie. Why is this an issue?
Well, Baby clothing is sized by age. As you can guess there’s a wide variety of height and weight across babies of the same age. This wouldn’t be so much of an issue if baby clothing were categorized the same way.
At first I thought it was simple: “NB” for new born, 1 month, 3 month, 6 month and so on. The problem is that baby clothing companies have completely different sizing systems. Some companies give a range of months and size like 3-6 months and 6-9 months. And even within companies that use ranges you find differences (e.g. 1-6 months, and 6-12 months). Don’t get me started about Hanna Anderson sizes . . .
Diana picks out Ollie's clothing most of the time, but she never objects when I want to pick out an outfit. Every time something is the wrong size she kindly says “oh, he’s growing so fast, this is going to be the last time he wears that shirt,” or she simply changes Ollie a couple hours later and doesn’t mention my inability to simply find a onesie that fits.
4. Socks and Shoes
Baby socks and shoes are the cutest article of baby clothing and the hardest to put on. Baby feet are adorable but something about their shape and the size of the socks make it impossible for me to get them on without a struggle. Ollie does this thing where he curves his toes and as soon as I get one sock on, he pulls the other one off. It’s neigh impossible to find a pair of socks that fit because they are sized with ridiculous ranges of ages like 1 month to 2 years. I’m not much better with his shoes. Usually I have to pin him down, there’s a struggle involved, there’s tears and crying and sometimes Ollie gets upset in the process.
3. Getting a stroller through a door
We have a great stroller. It’s a Britax B-Agile. It’s easy to fold up, it’s light and it handles great. But I can’t get this thing through a door without help, or a comical amounts of maneuvering. “Oh, it’s easy, just turn the stroller around backwards and pull him through the door that way.” This approach results in the Ollie’s stroller getting slammed by the door as I can’t manage to keep it open long enough to get the whole stroller through. Pushing the stroller forward through the door is slightly better but I always end up with the front of the stroller at an angle causing the one of the back wheels to get caught in the door post.
When I’m pushing the stroller in the mall Diana always runs ahead and manages to push two doors open at the same time so I can make it through with some level of grace and dignity. When I’m all by myself and there’s no handicap button to press so that door automatically opens, I do the best I can and inevitably a passer by or sales person runs to my aid. Oh, the kindness of strangers.
2. Poo sensor
1. Breastfeeding
Ollie has tried to breastfeed from me a handful of times as I’ve rocked him to bed. A couple times this was an incredibly accurate bite through my shirt right around my areola. Other times it’s a open-mouthed wet kiss on my chest as Ollie tries to latch onto nothing.
These attempts leave Ollie confused and frustrated and they leave me traumatized.
There’s a lot of these things I’m great at and there are some of these things that continue to be a challenge for me. Because everyone love lists on the internet, I’m going to lay out the "Top 5 Things I Suck At As A Parent."
5. Finding the Right Size Outfit
I never seem to pick out the outfit that is the right size for Ollie. Why is this an issue?
Well, Baby clothing is sized by age. As you can guess there’s a wide variety of height and weight across babies of the same age. This wouldn’t be so much of an issue if baby clothing were categorized the same way.
At first I thought it was simple: “NB” for new born, 1 month, 3 month, 6 month and so on. The problem is that baby clothing companies have completely different sizing systems. Some companies give a range of months and size like 3-6 months and 6-9 months. And even within companies that use ranges you find differences (e.g. 1-6 months, and 6-12 months). Don’t get me started about Hanna Anderson sizes . . .
Diana picks out Ollie's clothing most of the time, but she never objects when I want to pick out an outfit. Every time something is the wrong size she kindly says “oh, he’s growing so fast, this is going to be the last time he wears that shirt,” or she simply changes Ollie a couple hours later and doesn’t mention my inability to simply find a onesie that fits.
4. Socks and Shoes
Baby socks and shoes are the cutest article of baby clothing and the hardest to put on. Baby feet are adorable but something about their shape and the size of the socks make it impossible for me to get them on without a struggle. Ollie does this thing where he curves his toes and as soon as I get one sock on, he pulls the other one off. It’s neigh impossible to find a pair of socks that fit because they are sized with ridiculous ranges of ages like 1 month to 2 years. I’m not much better with his shoes. Usually I have to pin him down, there’s a struggle involved, there’s tears and crying and sometimes Ollie gets upset in the process.
3. Getting a stroller through a door
We have a great stroller. It’s a Britax B-Agile. It’s easy to fold up, it’s light and it handles great. But I can’t get this thing through a door without help, or a comical amounts of maneuvering. “Oh, it’s easy, just turn the stroller around backwards and pull him through the door that way.” This approach results in the Ollie’s stroller getting slammed by the door as I can’t manage to keep it open long enough to get the whole stroller through. Pushing the stroller forward through the door is slightly better but I always end up with the front of the stroller at an angle causing the one of the back wheels to get caught in the door post.
When I’m pushing the stroller in the mall Diana always runs ahead and manages to push two doors open at the same time so I can make it through with some level of grace and dignity. When I’m all by myself and there’s no handicap button to press so that door automatically opens, I do the best I can and inevitably a passer by or sales person runs to my aid. Oh, the kindness of strangers.
2. Poo sensor
"Oh man, Ollie has a poopy diaper."Diana has the uncanny ability to know when Ollie is pooping. She says that he pulls himself up and stands a certain way with a thoughtful and sometimes tense look on his face. I’ve only caught him in this moment once. I can usually smell it when he’s done, but unlike Diana, I can’t sense when he’s in the process. Does this make me feel like I’m a horrible dad? No, but it would be a nice thing to be able to detect so that I can make myself “busy” when there’s a poopy diaper that will soon need changing.
"Yeah, I know he’s been working on that for the past five minutes."
1. Breastfeeding
Ollie has tried to breastfeed from me a handful of times as I’ve rocked him to bed. A couple times this was an incredibly accurate bite through my shirt right around my areola. Other times it’s a open-mouthed wet kiss on my chest as Ollie tries to latch onto nothing.
These attempts leave Ollie confused and frustrated and they leave me traumatized.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Parenthood: Week 56 – That Girl
Look, I totally understood why that girl gave me that annoyed “does that baby really have to sit so close to me?”-look. No, it wasn’t a crowded restaurant but because the way the tables set up one of the only places that I could feasibly put a high chair was at the table two down from that girl.
I live in a college town, so it’s not unusual to go into a restaurant and see a student camped out at a table with a laptop and other books spread across a table. This girl clearly had been at the table for a while and was planning to stick around from the way she had settled in. She had slid off her sandals and had carefully tucked her feet under her legs as she sat there working.
From the moment I turned the corner with Ollie and my diaper bag I could see that look of annoyance in her eyes. She happened to be sitting right next to the stack of high chairs and I swear I heard her sigh as I struggled to get one off the stack with one hand while carrying Ollie in my other arm.
We settled down in that table, not right next to her but one away and she looked down at her laptop and continued to work. Diana brought our food over and we proceeded to eat lunch. Ollie’s back was to that girl while me and Diana portioned out parts of our food that would make up his lunch.
Ollie wasn’t making an unreasonable amount of sound but he was enjoying himself as he usually does when he eats. He made satisfied hums as he enjoyed the texture of the avocado, grunted annoyingly when he wanted more food and giggled as he watched food that he dropped splatter on the floor.
As Ollie finished his lunch he started turning around in his high chair to look at that girl. And he didn’t stop after he got a good look. He wasn’t being subtle at all. Ollie has no sense of social norms and will sometimes stare at strangers. What makes this even cuter is that often when he does this he smiles and waves in his own way, which is either opening and closing his hand or lifting his arms up and down repeatedly.
The third time Ollie turned around to look at that girl, she waved back and smiled at Ollie. His smile, which I didn’t think could get any bigger, got a little wider and he bounced in his high chair in response to her greeting.
As we cleaned up and left, he continued to look over to her and smile because every time he did, she smiled back.
Ollie has that effect on people. Even when they aren’t exactly thrilled to be around a baby, Ollie has a way of bringing out a little smile in them.
I love that about my son.
So next time a baby or a little kid stares at you for way too long and smiles, please smile back. Show them that the world is kind and that if you try to brighten up the day, you will receive joy in return.
I live in a college town, so it’s not unusual to go into a restaurant and see a student camped out at a table with a laptop and other books spread across a table. This girl clearly had been at the table for a while and was planning to stick around from the way she had settled in. She had slid off her sandals and had carefully tucked her feet under her legs as she sat there working.
From the moment I turned the corner with Ollie and my diaper bag I could see that look of annoyance in her eyes. She happened to be sitting right next to the stack of high chairs and I swear I heard her sigh as I struggled to get one off the stack with one hand while carrying Ollie in my other arm.
We settled down in that table, not right next to her but one away and she looked down at her laptop and continued to work. Diana brought our food over and we proceeded to eat lunch. Ollie’s back was to that girl while me and Diana portioned out parts of our food that would make up his lunch.
Ollie wasn’t making an unreasonable amount of sound but he was enjoying himself as he usually does when he eats. He made satisfied hums as he enjoyed the texture of the avocado, grunted annoyingly when he wanted more food and giggled as he watched food that he dropped splatter on the floor.
As Ollie finished his lunch he started turning around in his high chair to look at that girl. And he didn’t stop after he got a good look. He wasn’t being subtle at all. Ollie has no sense of social norms and will sometimes stare at strangers. What makes this even cuter is that often when he does this he smiles and waves in his own way, which is either opening and closing his hand or lifting his arms up and down repeatedly.
The third time Ollie turned around to look at that girl, she waved back and smiled at Ollie. His smile, which I didn’t think could get any bigger, got a little wider and he bounced in his high chair in response to her greeting.
As we cleaned up and left, he continued to look over to her and smile because every time he did, she smiled back.
Ollie has that effect on people. Even when they aren’t exactly thrilled to be around a baby, Ollie has a way of bringing out a little smile in them.
I love that about my son.
So next time a baby or a little kid stares at you for way too long and smiles, please smile back. Show them that the world is kind and that if you try to brighten up the day, you will receive joy in return.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)