I just spent the last two hours trying to get Ollie to bed. Am I sure that he’s completely down right now? No, but I’m hoping.
Ollie had an amazing afternoon nap. So it made sense that he would go to sleep a little bit later. The thing was that around his normal bedtime he showed his signs of being tired: sucking his thumb, becoming cuddly and having wild mood swings. So I started the getting to bed process.
I got him changed into his pajamas while I warmed up some breast milk for him (Diana was out this evening). After he finished his bottle and read him a book, I started rocking Ollie to bed.
Once you figure out how to do something, life throws you for a loop and introduces something to you that you have no idea how to handle. This feeling of not knowing what to do happens weekly with parenting.
The worst part of this is that often the things that you are figuring out how to do are thing that you felt you already figured out. One of the things I’m really good at is putting Ollie to bed . . . or was good at. I really enjoy the process of rocking him down, singing to him and feeling his body relax in my arms.
Ollie has gotten bigger, so rocking him my arms things is harder and he just doesn’t need to be rocked all the way down to bed. About ten minutes ago, he was still awake and not quite settled so I just put him in his crib, maybe because of my exhaustion and after a couple murmurs he’s been quiet ever since.
I don’t like this. I wish that what worked before, what made me feel like a competent dad still worked but it doesn’t and that is frustrating.
I tried my best to rock him down. He wasn’t having it. The pacifier, which used to calm him down wasn’t working and he just kept crying. I did laps around the room, around the hallway, checked his diaper, and changed positions.
Nothing worked.
At a certain time, I fell asleep while he was fussing and awoke to him crying. Yes, you can fall asleep when a baby is crying, if you are THAT tired.
So after the first unsuccessful hour, I decided to get him more milk. So I warmed up another bottle in the kitchen, while he was crying in his playpen. While I stood in the kitchen, I didn’t really feel like trying to calm Ollie down. I was pretty frustrated and if holding him was going to have a calming effect then it should have worked for the past hour, so why would it work now? So I let him be.
Ollie drank the second bottle incredibly quickly and for a couple minutes he seemed to calm down. I started rocking and felt that we might actually get there.
Then everything fell apart.
Usually I hold Ollie’s arms to his side while I rock him but he really wanted to raise his left arm over his head, so I let him. This calmed him down a little bit, but then every time he moved it down he got frustrated so I had to help him hold his left arm up and also hold his right hand close to his mouth so he could suck on his thumb. Does that sound ridiculous to you to help an infant find his thumb to suck? You wouldn’t if periodically your son would move his arm and then not be able to find his thumb and start SCREAMING.
I was pretty done at this point. Maybe he needed another bottle or some baby Tylenol, or maybe . . . he just needed mommy. Well, mommy’s not here, so I told my little guy we’d have to get through this together without mommy.
I made some progress in calming him down but he wasn’t asleep or even drowsy. I told myself that I would put him in his crib and leave and if he didn’t go to sleep in the next ten minutes I would give him another bottle.
I laid Ollie in his crib and he looked up at me and smiled. He had his head up eager to crawl around and I tried to gently push his head down to encourage him to lie down. After some rolling around I eventually got him to settle his body down and find his thumb and helped position his arm over his head. I left his room and start writing this post.
That was seventeen minutes ago (yes, it takes me seventeen minutes to write 869 words) and he’s been quiet most of that time.
It may have took two hours, I may have felt like I had no idea what I was doing and for a while there I felt like a complete failure as a parent, but you know what, my boy is asleep. AND there’s only ten more minutes until Diana gets home and can take her turn if he wakes up.
Two hours to get Ollie to bed is nothing compared to what other parents have to deal with. I had food to give to Ollie to calm him down. Many parents, right now on this planet have to hear cries of hunger and can’t do anything for their kid but hold them and pray that God will comfort their baby.
I’ve had days when I left work before Ollie woke up and got home after he’s gone to bed. As good as those days went at work, they were incredibly difficult. It weighed on me that I wasn’t going to spend any time with him all day and when that happened, my day felt meaningless.
Without hesitation, I would give up the best part of a day that I didn’t see Ollie for two hours of frustration with my special little guy.
Why? Because Ollie is my son.
. . . and he’s still asleep!
Monday, April 7, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
Year 4: Week 28 – Doing Too Much
Wednesday was frustrating. For my sixth grade band, class I write the whole lesson on the board. The idea is that they walk into the room, sit down, get their instrument out, put their music in the order that’s on the board and start to warm up. If they find that there’s any issues with their instrument or if they are missing music they can ask me for help within the first two minutes of class.
This seems pretty reasonable, right? How hard can this be?
One of my band classes took 13 minutes to fully get ready for class. After the first warm-up I had people asking me what we were playing and other students had issues with their instruments they didn’t tell me about at the beginning of the class.
This was really frustrating. We’ve been working through this same routine in my class since late September. As annoyed as I was in the moment, I’ve been realizing that some of this is my fault for not helping my students understand what this is really all about.
We do for our students so that they will eventually do for themselves. We help little kids zip up their jackets knowing that eventually they will learn how to do this. We set up art supplies so students can do art projects, again, knowing that some day they can handle all of this set up.
The tricky part is that transition from doing things for kids and teaching them how to do it themselves. The thing is that this takes time. Also, it means that the jobs that we ask kids to do will be done very poorly as they learn how to do them. This as a teacher can get very frustrating. So often, we figure it’s not worth the time and then we just do it for the students so we can get on with the lesson.
We all fall into this trap of over helping students because we care and we want to help them. We’re teachers, our natural instinct is to help and to assist. However at the same time we need to keep the long range in perspective and know that at some point we have to teach kids how to take care of their own business.
The following day in band class I wrote the lesson plan on the board and we got to work and when a student asked me what we were doing I didn’t help him. I had already pointed out on the board the plan and verbally gave the directions so I told him that his confusion was his fault and to try to figure out what to do himself. If he was lost, well, that’s his consequence of not taking responsibility for what he needed to do as student.
That wasn’t something I enjoyed saying, but sometimes we can only do so much. If we help too much then students will rely on us to give them what they need as opposed to having them seek out what they need from resources outside of the teacher.
If you ask students to do something, then you need to let them try to do it for themselves. Sometimes this means that they will not get it done in a timely way. Sometimes you help them figure it out and other times you have to let them struggle. Often it's not easy to know how much help to give. So we have to make sure we focus on the students as people and help them grow as a human being.
This seems pretty reasonable, right? How hard can this be?
One of my band classes took 13 minutes to fully get ready for class. After the first warm-up I had people asking me what we were playing and other students had issues with their instruments they didn’t tell me about at the beginning of the class.
This was really frustrating. We’ve been working through this same routine in my class since late September. As annoyed as I was in the moment, I’ve been realizing that some of this is my fault for not helping my students understand what this is really all about.
We do for our students so that they will eventually do for themselves. We help little kids zip up their jackets knowing that eventually they will learn how to do this. We set up art supplies so students can do art projects, again, knowing that some day they can handle all of this set up.
The tricky part is that transition from doing things for kids and teaching them how to do it themselves. The thing is that this takes time. Also, it means that the jobs that we ask kids to do will be done very poorly as they learn how to do them. This as a teacher can get very frustrating. So often, we figure it’s not worth the time and then we just do it for the students so we can get on with the lesson.
We all fall into this trap of over helping students because we care and we want to help them. We’re teachers, our natural instinct is to help and to assist. However at the same time we need to keep the long range in perspective and know that at some point we have to teach kids how to take care of their own business.
The following day in band class I wrote the lesson plan on the board and we got to work and when a student asked me what we were doing I didn’t help him. I had already pointed out on the board the plan and verbally gave the directions so I told him that his confusion was his fault and to try to figure out what to do himself. If he was lost, well, that’s his consequence of not taking responsibility for what he needed to do as student.
That wasn’t something I enjoyed saying, but sometimes we can only do so much. If we help too much then students will rely on us to give them what they need as opposed to having them seek out what they need from resources outside of the teacher.
If you ask students to do something, then you need to let them try to do it for themselves. Sometimes this means that they will not get it done in a timely way. Sometimes you help them figure it out and other times you have to let them struggle. Often it's not easy to know how much help to give. So we have to make sure we focus on the students as people and help them grow as a human being.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Out In The Street by Bruce Springsteen
The interesting thing about Springsteen’s works is that they don’t all necessarily immediately capture your attention. “Thunder Road” immediately enraptured me from the very first time I heard it and so did “Promised Land.” Other songs didn’t really speak to me until I heard them live like “Born To Run” and “Waitin’ On A Sunny Day.”
Then there’s the songs I’ve listened to that don’t really capture my imagination until one day when I become obsessed and listen to northing but that one song over and over for a week. “Out In The Streets,” was that song for me last week.
Springsteen has started selling his live shows on his website and I got his Cape Town, South Africa performance. It’s an amazing show and its great t hear Springsteen work a crowd that doesn’t necessarily react the way that he expects.
There’s so many great moments on this show but his performance of “Out In The Streets” really stood out to me.
This song has it all. It’s got that blue-collar perspective, the amazing sax solo, and the vocalized crowd response in the chorus right after “out in the street.” The lyrics don’t have any metaphors. It’s very straight forward, but there’s something so beautiful in its simplicity. Someone works all day and when they hit the streets they feel freedom. That’s it.
Like in so many other Springsteen songs, the music of “Out In The Streets,” captures the feelings of this song as much as the words. Some of the lines hold so much meaning in live performances like “in the crowd I feel at home.”
Like “Thunder Road,” this song starts with an invitation, and it’s less poetic but it’s somehow more immediate. This song puts you so quickly in a place to hope and freedom that’s very different than “Thunder Road,” or some of Springsteen’s deeper songs.
The great appeal of Springsteen is that he allows himself and his music to be different things to different people. Not every song will have the same level of appeal and accessibility. While I love analyzing his most complex lyrics, I also am in awe of a song like “Out In The Streets,” and his ability to capture a different type of feeling so effectively.
There’s this family feeling when Springsteen performs this song. When he brings everyone up to the microphone at the end it feels like a musical group hug. When Clarence comes up, it’s just beautiful. It’s hard to explain what seeing him up on the stage means, but it’s really special. There’s something profound in their friendship and the sound of his saxophone as a musical counterpoint to Springsteen’s voice.
Everything in life is worth taking a second look at. You never know when something comes alive to you in a way that you never expect.
Then there’s the songs I’ve listened to that don’t really capture my imagination until one day when I become obsessed and listen to northing but that one song over and over for a week. “Out In The Streets,” was that song for me last week.
Springsteen has started selling his live shows on his website and I got his Cape Town, South Africa performance. It’s an amazing show and its great t hear Springsteen work a crowd that doesn’t necessarily react the way that he expects.
There’s so many great moments on this show but his performance of “Out In The Streets” really stood out to me.
This song has it all. It’s got that blue-collar perspective, the amazing sax solo, and the vocalized crowd response in the chorus right after “out in the street.” The lyrics don’t have any metaphors. It’s very straight forward, but there’s something so beautiful in its simplicity. Someone works all day and when they hit the streets they feel freedom. That’s it.
Like in so many other Springsteen songs, the music of “Out In The Streets,” captures the feelings of this song as much as the words. Some of the lines hold so much meaning in live performances like “in the crowd I feel at home.”
Like “Thunder Road,” this song starts with an invitation, and it’s less poetic but it’s somehow more immediate. This song puts you so quickly in a place to hope and freedom that’s very different than “Thunder Road,” or some of Springsteen’s deeper songs.
The great appeal of Springsteen is that he allows himself and his music to be different things to different people. Not every song will have the same level of appeal and accessibility. While I love analyzing his most complex lyrics, I also am in awe of a song like “Out In The Streets,” and his ability to capture a different type of feeling so effectively.
There’s this family feeling when Springsteen performs this song. When he brings everyone up to the microphone at the end it feels like a musical group hug. When Clarence comes up, it’s just beautiful. It’s hard to explain what seeing him up on the stage means, but it’s really special. There’s something profound in their friendship and the sound of his saxophone as a musical counterpoint to Springsteen’s voice.
Everything in life is worth taking a second look at. You never know when something comes alive to you in a way that you never expect.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Parenthood: Week 44 – Solids
I wasn’t that excited about Ollie eating solid foods. Exclusively breastfeeding really worked for Ollie. He grew at a great pace, it was convenient and we didn’t really to worry about portion sizes and making sure that he had a balanced diet.
Some parents envision the cuteness of spaghetti being thrown around and blueberry stained lips, I just imagine the mess that such cuteness produces and the pain of cleaning up after a meal like that.
There’s conflicting information about when to start kids on solid foods and I was fine going with whatever Diana wanted to do when it came to the timing of starting solid foods. We thought about it and felt that there was no rush to get Ollie started on solids.
Ollie’s first step into solid foods was with breast milk popsicles. Diana made these little frozen breast milk things in molds that created a little popsicle about the size of a ring pop. At the same time, Ollie was teething so it seemed like the perfect thing to try. Ollie loved it. He was totally into trying to get it in his mouth.
Around the same time, we bought some baby food spoons. As soon as Diana put it in Ollie’s hand he stuck it in his mouth. We took this as a sign that Ollie wanted to start eating solids.
Soon after, we visited my parents in Seattle and my mom went crazy making purees and cooking down rice for Ollie to start eating. A couple weeks later my mom came and visited us and showed us how to steam fruits and vegetables. I started cooking eggs for him, and then mini-meat loafs. After only a couple months of eating solids, he’s often eating whatever we are eating for dinner.
There are the moments when Ollie puts too much food in his mouth without swallowing or rubs his face when he is holding a piece of fish so it gets in his eye. Ollie often insists that he can feed himself with the spoon even though he inevitably fails to get the spoon in his mouth without tipping it over and spilling food on himself.
That’s the bad stuff, but the good stuff is great. Ollie loves and gets so much joy out of eating. It’s a mentally stimulating and an adventure for him. Even when you have apple puree thrown in your face it’s hard to get too mad when your son finds this hilarious.
I still don’t get excited about Ollie trying to eat new foods but I really do enjoy sharing meals with Ollie. I love cooking for people and it’s a great feeling to put food on the table that we all share. Even Buffy is a part of our meal, sitting below Ollie’s high chair eating the scraps that fall off his tray.
So many of my favorite memories of my family growing up centers around, cooking and sharing meals. Cooking for people is one of the most important ways that I show people I care about them. I fully embrace Diana breastfeeding, but it was something that she did without me. For months, she was almost exclusively in charge of feeding Ollie. Even when I gave him a bottle, it was because she pumped milk ahead of time for him. This was hard. Because part of me was jealous that she had this connection with him and played such a central role in his development.
Even now, things aren't completely even because he still breastfeeds. The reality is that things between parents are never "fair." That's hard to accept but when you focus on your kid you realize that the fairness that is important is not between the parents but for the baby. If being fair means giving a baby everything he needs to succeed then that may mean that the mom breastfeeds and that dad for months doesn't feed the baby. That's what's most important.
This dynamic is changing. I cook for Ollie all of the time and Diana and I take turns feeding him when he eats solids. It's fun and it's a mess. I still feel that little bit a jealously when I think about how much Diana sustained Ollie, but more than that I feel proud of her.
Now that I'm playing a more active role in feeding Ollie, it's not like things are more fair between us or I'm finally getting my due. What has changed is that we now get to share in feeding our little guy and have one more activity that we do as a family.
Some parents envision the cuteness of spaghetti being thrown around and blueberry stained lips, I just imagine the mess that such cuteness produces and the pain of cleaning up after a meal like that.
There’s conflicting information about when to start kids on solid foods and I was fine going with whatever Diana wanted to do when it came to the timing of starting solid foods. We thought about it and felt that there was no rush to get Ollie started on solids.
Ollie’s first step into solid foods was with breast milk popsicles. Diana made these little frozen breast milk things in molds that created a little popsicle about the size of a ring pop. At the same time, Ollie was teething so it seemed like the perfect thing to try. Ollie loved it. He was totally into trying to get it in his mouth.
Around the same time, we bought some baby food spoons. As soon as Diana put it in Ollie’s hand he stuck it in his mouth. We took this as a sign that Ollie wanted to start eating solids.
Soon after, we visited my parents in Seattle and my mom went crazy making purees and cooking down rice for Ollie to start eating. A couple weeks later my mom came and visited us and showed us how to steam fruits and vegetables. I started cooking eggs for him, and then mini-meat loafs. After only a couple months of eating solids, he’s often eating whatever we are eating for dinner.
There are the moments when Ollie puts too much food in his mouth without swallowing or rubs his face when he is holding a piece of fish so it gets in his eye. Ollie often insists that he can feed himself with the spoon even though he inevitably fails to get the spoon in his mouth without tipping it over and spilling food on himself.
That’s the bad stuff, but the good stuff is great. Ollie loves and gets so much joy out of eating. It’s a mentally stimulating and an adventure for him. Even when you have apple puree thrown in your face it’s hard to get too mad when your son finds this hilarious.
I still don’t get excited about Ollie trying to eat new foods but I really do enjoy sharing meals with Ollie. I love cooking for people and it’s a great feeling to put food on the table that we all share. Even Buffy is a part of our meal, sitting below Ollie’s high chair eating the scraps that fall off his tray.
So many of my favorite memories of my family growing up centers around, cooking and sharing meals. Cooking for people is one of the most important ways that I show people I care about them. I fully embrace Diana breastfeeding, but it was something that she did without me. For months, she was almost exclusively in charge of feeding Ollie. Even when I gave him a bottle, it was because she pumped milk ahead of time for him. This was hard. Because part of me was jealous that she had this connection with him and played such a central role in his development.
Even now, things aren't completely even because he still breastfeeds. The reality is that things between parents are never "fair." That's hard to accept but when you focus on your kid you realize that the fairness that is important is not between the parents but for the baby. If being fair means giving a baby everything he needs to succeed then that may mean that the mom breastfeeds and that dad for months doesn't feed the baby. That's what's most important.
This dynamic is changing. I cook for Ollie all of the time and Diana and I take turns feeding him when he eats solids. It's fun and it's a mess. I still feel that little bit a jealously when I think about how much Diana sustained Ollie, but more than that I feel proud of her.
Now that I'm playing a more active role in feeding Ollie, it's not like things are more fair between us or I'm finally getting my due. What has changed is that we now get to share in feeding our little guy and have one more activity that we do as a family.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Year 4: Week 27 – Politics
Lately when I’m talking about politics, I’m not talking about the government. I’m talking about the way the teachers manage relationships and compromise to achieve individual goals.
A lot of teachers complain about these politics and wish that the politics of a school didn’t interfere with what happened in the classroom. While I understand that some teachers are more and less comfortable with this part of the job, it is something that we all have to deal with and learn to manage.
It seems logical that if you have something that you need for your classroom, you ask someone and you should get it. The reality is that the success of getting what you need for your students relies on whom you ask, at what time and the way you advocate for your students.
It’s not an outright devious exchange. When someone does something for you in a school, it’s not because you did them a favor and now they owe you. It’s not like that, but there is a relationship to consider. If the only time that you talk to your principal is when you want something, that professional relationship can become strained.
A school is like any other work place. There are people who make things happen. Sometimes these people have titles, but often times they don’t. It’s important to figure this out so that you can understand how things work.
There’s also the lingo. Every school has a dialect and a way of discussing things. Certain themes and ideas permeate a school and when a person weaves them into a conversation, it can really help thing moves along.
The reason why I’m beginning to really enjoy the politics of my school is because it is based on relationships. People work together and for each other because they have to, but when there is a solid relationship, the work is full of joy.
The frustration, which I felt in my previous teaching jobs, was not knowing the political landscape and being an outsider. It’s tough in those situations when people don’t let you in. Trying to navigate the politics of a school without a good mentor is very difficult. A teacher who is a master in a classroom who can’t figure out how a school works faces real issues that may threaten their longevity at a school.
Take the time to get to know the people in your school, from the janitors to the principals. Volunteer for committees, get out of your office and try to figure out how things really work. No, you don’t need to be a master politician to be a good teacher but teachers need to have a sense of who is in power beyond the titles.
Sometimes politics is overwhelming and often times its aggravating. However it doesn't have to be this way. If you build relationships throughout the school you will not only enjoy being a work more but it will also transform the politics of your school into something that helps more than it hinders.
A lot of teachers complain about these politics and wish that the politics of a school didn’t interfere with what happened in the classroom. While I understand that some teachers are more and less comfortable with this part of the job, it is something that we all have to deal with and learn to manage.
It seems logical that if you have something that you need for your classroom, you ask someone and you should get it. The reality is that the success of getting what you need for your students relies on whom you ask, at what time and the way you advocate for your students.
It’s not an outright devious exchange. When someone does something for you in a school, it’s not because you did them a favor and now they owe you. It’s not like that, but there is a relationship to consider. If the only time that you talk to your principal is when you want something, that professional relationship can become strained.
A school is like any other work place. There are people who make things happen. Sometimes these people have titles, but often times they don’t. It’s important to figure this out so that you can understand how things work.
There’s also the lingo. Every school has a dialect and a way of discussing things. Certain themes and ideas permeate a school and when a person weaves them into a conversation, it can really help thing moves along.
The reason why I’m beginning to really enjoy the politics of my school is because it is based on relationships. People work together and for each other because they have to, but when there is a solid relationship, the work is full of joy.
The frustration, which I felt in my previous teaching jobs, was not knowing the political landscape and being an outsider. It’s tough in those situations when people don’t let you in. Trying to navigate the politics of a school without a good mentor is very difficult. A teacher who is a master in a classroom who can’t figure out how a school works faces real issues that may threaten their longevity at a school.
Take the time to get to know the people in your school, from the janitors to the principals. Volunteer for committees, get out of your office and try to figure out how things really work. No, you don’t need to be a master politician to be a good teacher but teachers need to have a sense of who is in power beyond the titles.
Sometimes politics is overwhelming and often times its aggravating. However it doesn't have to be this way. If you build relationships throughout the school you will not only enjoy being a work more but it will also transform the politics of your school into something that helps more than it hinders.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Parenthood: Week 43 – The Little Man
Most of the time I think of Ollie as a baby. The diapers, the bottle feeding, getting him to bed and other things like this make you feel like you are taking care of not so much another human being, but a baby.
Someday Ollie will be old enough to talk, read a book and even drive a car. However, right now he’s a baby and his needs differentiate him from the way that I interact with most of the other human beings in my life.
As time goes on, Ollie has stopped simply being a baby and I’ve come to recognize awesome things about his personality. I enjoy Ollie for the cute baby things that he does, but there’s more than cute moments that make the time we spend together so much fun.
My mom told me when I was a teenager that because life is short you need to spend time with people who enrich your life. People you share your life with that make you feel better about who you truly are and make everything you do more meaningful should be kept in your life. People, who tear you down and are a burden, even if they are family, should be extricated from your life.
There are times when taking care of Ollie seems burdensome, but Ollie is not a burden. Even more than that, Ollie’s an amazing person who teaches me about life and challenges me to be a better person.
Ollie loves life. Everything that is new to him, whether it’s a new toy or a grocery bag is interesting and exciting. He finds joy in simple objects and in this way he challenges me to look at the world with wonder.
Ollie loves people. He smiles at strangers and crawls over to other babies reaching out his. There is nothing in the world that makes him happier than interacting with people. This is a great reminder that nothing replaces the joy of human interaction.
Ollie has a great sense of humor. He thinks my hair is hilarious. Ollie also finds Buffy chasing her tail to be endlessly entertaining. Other times Ollie will just start laughing for no apparent reason. Every time I hear his laugh, it’s a remind to stop taking myself so seriously because the more I do, the more ridiculous I’m making myself look.
Ollie isn't going to be a baby for very long, but he's always going to be Ollie. He’s full of so much spirit, energy and love. More than just a baby, Ollie is my little man.
Someday Ollie will be old enough to talk, read a book and even drive a car. However, right now he’s a baby and his needs differentiate him from the way that I interact with most of the other human beings in my life.
As time goes on, Ollie has stopped simply being a baby and I’ve come to recognize awesome things about his personality. I enjoy Ollie for the cute baby things that he does, but there’s more than cute moments that make the time we spend together so much fun.
My mom told me when I was a teenager that because life is short you need to spend time with people who enrich your life. People you share your life with that make you feel better about who you truly are and make everything you do more meaningful should be kept in your life. People, who tear you down and are a burden, even if they are family, should be extricated from your life.
There are times when taking care of Ollie seems burdensome, but Ollie is not a burden. Even more than that, Ollie’s an amazing person who teaches me about life and challenges me to be a better person.
Ollie loves life. Everything that is new to him, whether it’s a new toy or a grocery bag is interesting and exciting. He finds joy in simple objects and in this way he challenges me to look at the world with wonder.
Ollie loves people. He smiles at strangers and crawls over to other babies reaching out his. There is nothing in the world that makes him happier than interacting with people. This is a great reminder that nothing replaces the joy of human interaction.
Ollie has a great sense of humor. He thinks my hair is hilarious. Ollie also finds Buffy chasing her tail to be endlessly entertaining. Other times Ollie will just start laughing for no apparent reason. Every time I hear his laugh, it’s a remind to stop taking myself so seriously because the more I do, the more ridiculous I’m making myself look.
Ollie isn't going to be a baby for very long, but he's always going to be Ollie. He’s full of so much spirit, energy and love. More than just a baby, Ollie is my little man.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Year 4: Week 26 – Power
There is an undeniable power dynamic between teachers and their students. It’s a unique relationship, not quite like a parent, mentor or friend but some mix of all of those things. I’ve talked to many teachers about the nuances of the student teacher relationship. It’s a challenge to balance out all of these facets. The approach to this relationship and how it's defined depends on the teacher and the age level of the student.
One aspect of this relationship that people don’t seem to talk a lot about is power. It’s probably because this word connotes something dark, something less caring but power is part of the teacher-student relationship and when wielded effectively, a teacher's power can really help students.
Students walk into a classroom knowing that the teacher has been given institutional power. Teachers can tell students what to do and students are supposed to comply. For some students this is enough. Whether its the fear of consequences or authority itself, some people including myself are intimidated by titles and people that society tells us have power.
There’s also a lot of students who this doesn’t work for. We live in America, a country that pride itself on calling out authority figures and speaking truth to power. While this can be annoying as a teacher, it is one of the most important parts of our democracy. So for people for whom institutionally given power doesn’t engender compliance, there’s a very different approach that needs to happen.
You can go with the social responsibility route and help students understand that their actions affect other people. It is up to them to have a positive or negative influence on their peers which comes right back to them. It’s a mix of peer pressure and helping them understand the consequences of their own actions. This approach will get you some kids, but some will pretend or in reality, not care about other students in the class, so other times you have to make it about you.
My Introduction to Christianity professor explained the power Jesus had over his followers this way: Jews followed theirs leaders during Jesus’ time because if they didn’t they were punished. The Jews gave power to the authorities because of fear. In this way obedience and power was demanded.
Jesus took a different approach. People followed him because of how much he gave to them. Everything he gave including his life was for others. When a person gives that much of themselves to another person, the receiving person gives authority and allows that person to have power over them willingly. It’s not about guilt, but rather faith and trusts.
I’m not saying that teachers should try to be like Jesus, but what I do know that gaining authority through giving of care, time and attention is the most effective way to get a class student to comply when you tell them what to do.
More often than not, students walk into a class and will give teachers authority initially. Teachers have a window to show kids how much they care and build relationships so that the student freely gives power to the teacher.
Some kids will never get to that point and without black and white consequences that produce a level fear and stress, those students will never comply. Not every student will see how much you give him or her as a teacher. Assume those kids are in the minority and don’t take that approach with a whole class.
We have to earn the power that our students give us. When this is given willingly it opens students up to learn, to take chances and be present. Our power as teachers is not about making them do what we say. It's about the opportunity that students give us to serve them and help them grow.
One aspect of this relationship that people don’t seem to talk a lot about is power. It’s probably because this word connotes something dark, something less caring but power is part of the teacher-student relationship and when wielded effectively, a teacher's power can really help students.
Students walk into a classroom knowing that the teacher has been given institutional power. Teachers can tell students what to do and students are supposed to comply. For some students this is enough. Whether its the fear of consequences or authority itself, some people including myself are intimidated by titles and people that society tells us have power.
There’s also a lot of students who this doesn’t work for. We live in America, a country that pride itself on calling out authority figures and speaking truth to power. While this can be annoying as a teacher, it is one of the most important parts of our democracy. So for people for whom institutionally given power doesn’t engender compliance, there’s a very different approach that needs to happen.
You can go with the social responsibility route and help students understand that their actions affect other people. It is up to them to have a positive or negative influence on their peers which comes right back to them. It’s a mix of peer pressure and helping them understand the consequences of their own actions. This approach will get you some kids, but some will pretend or in reality, not care about other students in the class, so other times you have to make it about you.
My Introduction to Christianity professor explained the power Jesus had over his followers this way: Jews followed theirs leaders during Jesus’ time because if they didn’t they were punished. The Jews gave power to the authorities because of fear. In this way obedience and power was demanded.
Jesus took a different approach. People followed him because of how much he gave to them. Everything he gave including his life was for others. When a person gives that much of themselves to another person, the receiving person gives authority and allows that person to have power over them willingly. It’s not about guilt, but rather faith and trusts.
I’m not saying that teachers should try to be like Jesus, but what I do know that gaining authority through giving of care, time and attention is the most effective way to get a class student to comply when you tell them what to do.
More often than not, students walk into a class and will give teachers authority initially. Teachers have a window to show kids how much they care and build relationships so that the student freely gives power to the teacher.
Some kids will never get to that point and without black and white consequences that produce a level fear and stress, those students will never comply. Not every student will see how much you give him or her as a teacher. Assume those kids are in the minority and don’t take that approach with a whole class.
We have to earn the power that our students give us. When this is given willingly it opens students up to learn, to take chances and be present. Our power as teachers is not about making them do what we say. It's about the opportunity that students give us to serve them and help them grow.
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