How do I feel?
After a couple hundred emails (I got tired of counting), and a 5 page to do list, our festival is almost here, tomorrow morning to be exact. Yes, I’m feeling stress, but not as bad as I thought I would. It’s strange; it’s actually been a really good teaching week. Part of it is the fact that when I’m teaching I know that I can’t take care of any festival business. I can’t do anything about the festival, so why bother stress about it. In a weird way, being the classroom has been liberating.
I’ve been prepping my middle school bands for the festival, but we are at the point that we can't make a lot of big changes musically, so it’s mostly helping them understand how to think about the festival experience and keeping them focused. While none of them have every done a festival they’ve been receptive to this experience. Yes, they are complaining about getting up early on a Saturday, but they’ve been stepping up musically, which means that they really care about this experience. Sometimes with teenagers, it’s best to judge them by their actions, not their words.
My third graders are loving week 2 or recorder. I’m giving them more time to explore individually than I have in the past. The downside is that some students are doing some things incorrectly, however, because students get time to play with the instrument, I’m getting less interruptions when we come together as a full group.
My fifth graders are doing some recorder work in small groups. I asked for their feedback on who they wanted to work with, which always causes drama. Yes, this is more work for me, but I think it’s better for them and I told them so. Giving students choice makes teaching more difficult but it leads to more meaningful learning.
There’s been so much to do with this festival for so long that it seems weird to move into a phase soon when the festival will not be going on. There’s other projects that I have on the horizon that I’m exciting about started. They aren’t as big in scope and they are different and they will provide a welcome change of pace.
I’m looking forward to my students having their eyes open to the bigger world of music through seeing other students perform and working with other music educators. But more than that, I’m just looking forward to being in the building surrounded by great students and people coming together to make music.
Most people have very low expectations for teenagers. Part of why I love my job is because every day my kids prove those people wrong. We hear about people all the time hurting people, manipulating people through fear and hate. In the face of all of this darkness I can't imagine a more life-affirming and hopeful example of the positivity of the human spirit than communities coming together to make beautiful music.
Yes, I'm doing this for my kids, but I'm also doing this for my own soul.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Friday, February 5, 2016
Monday, February 1, 2016
Parenthood: Week 138 - Leaning In To The Screams
“I know honey, sometimes it’s really hard to be a toddler.”
When Ollie is confused and he doesn’t understand the world, Diana will often give him a hug and express this thought of empathy to Ollie. These moments are important reminders to me that Ollie and other toddlers have very real challenges in life.
As an adult the toddler life seems really amazing. Toddlers don’t have to worry about finances, chores (the ones we get them to do are done in the context of play most of the time) and they are completely ignorant of the challenges of trying to live a positive and optimistic life in a world so permeated with hate, ignorance and prejudice.
With all of that not on a toddler’s mind, it’s hard to understand why some things like not getting to drink out of a certain cup because it’s in the dishwasher causes such major meltdowns. A toddler should just enjoy the ride, I mean, all they have to do is play all day long and have things done for them.
That’s now how toddlers see the world. From their perspective everything is bigger than them, literally and figuratively. They live in a world that isn’t made for them. While Ollie impresses us every day with his language skills, there are still more concepts and ideas that he cannot understand and express to us than ones that he can. A lot of the time when I explain something to him, it’s the tone of my voice that gets him to calm down, not a cognitive understanding of the logic that I’m explaining.
But this shouldn’t try, because these calm explanations are what helps these little people know that you are with them, not against.
If you tell your kid that they can have one cookie and then they demand another one, you should say no. If this is followed by a tantrum, parents should hold firm, so that the child learns that there are boundaries when it comes to sweets and that screaming about something is not the way to get what you want.
This can be done multiple ways. You can fight with fire and be stern, and raise your voice. Let’s be honest, there are times for this, but more often than deescalating the situation with a calm explanation with get the child to chill out. For example, “I hear that you want a cookie and we aren’t giving you one, and this makes you sad and frustrated. So we will calm together and take some deep breaths.” The desire to want more of something that you can’t get will never go away, but being to able to deal the emotional power of this feeling is one of those requirements of being an “adult” (which not all people are taught by the time they are “grown-ups”).
This is that digging deep thing, because the worst tantrums happen when you are tired, emotionally drained and lack patience. It’s really hard to empathize with another human being who appears to be screaming about something that is not a big deal, doesn’t really matter in the long run and sometimes doesn’t make sense with through adult logic. Here’s the thing, you’ve had these moments to and when people don’t validate your feelings when you are in that tsunami of emotions, all it leads to negative self-talk that poisons our own relationship with ourselves.
Do you the best you can in these moments to remember that toddlers need empathy. Sometimes there are screams are of anger, but most of the time, they are cries for help. So get some earplugs if necessary, and lean into the screams with love and calmness.
Toddlers aren’t terrible. They are wonderful. Toddlers see the world with such a beautiful sense of discovery. Today, Ollie saw a piece of scotch tape on our doormat and thought it was the coolest thing ever. This mindset, not knowing the world also creates frustration and confusion. Sometimes it helps to remember that the hard moments of parenting a toddler comes from the part of them that we love so much.
When Ollie is confused and he doesn’t understand the world, Diana will often give him a hug and express this thought of empathy to Ollie. These moments are important reminders to me that Ollie and other toddlers have very real challenges in life.
As an adult the toddler life seems really amazing. Toddlers don’t have to worry about finances, chores (the ones we get them to do are done in the context of play most of the time) and they are completely ignorant of the challenges of trying to live a positive and optimistic life in a world so permeated with hate, ignorance and prejudice.
With all of that not on a toddler’s mind, it’s hard to understand why some things like not getting to drink out of a certain cup because it’s in the dishwasher causes such major meltdowns. A toddler should just enjoy the ride, I mean, all they have to do is play all day long and have things done for them.
That’s now how toddlers see the world. From their perspective everything is bigger than them, literally and figuratively. They live in a world that isn’t made for them. While Ollie impresses us every day with his language skills, there are still more concepts and ideas that he cannot understand and express to us than ones that he can. A lot of the time when I explain something to him, it’s the tone of my voice that gets him to calm down, not a cognitive understanding of the logic that I’m explaining.
But this shouldn’t try, because these calm explanations are what helps these little people know that you are with them, not against.
If you tell your kid that they can have one cookie and then they demand another one, you should say no. If this is followed by a tantrum, parents should hold firm, so that the child learns that there are boundaries when it comes to sweets and that screaming about something is not the way to get what you want.
This can be done multiple ways. You can fight with fire and be stern, and raise your voice. Let’s be honest, there are times for this, but more often than deescalating the situation with a calm explanation with get the child to chill out. For example, “I hear that you want a cookie and we aren’t giving you one, and this makes you sad and frustrated. So we will calm together and take some deep breaths.” The desire to want more of something that you can’t get will never go away, but being to able to deal the emotional power of this feeling is one of those requirements of being an “adult” (which not all people are taught by the time they are “grown-ups”).
This is that digging deep thing, because the worst tantrums happen when you are tired, emotionally drained and lack patience. It’s really hard to empathize with another human being who appears to be screaming about something that is not a big deal, doesn’t really matter in the long run and sometimes doesn’t make sense with through adult logic. Here’s the thing, you’ve had these moments to and when people don’t validate your feelings when you are in that tsunami of emotions, all it leads to negative self-talk that poisons our own relationship with ourselves.
Do you the best you can in these moments to remember that toddlers need empathy. Sometimes there are screams are of anger, but most of the time, they are cries for help. So get some earplugs if necessary, and lean into the screams with love and calmness.
Toddlers aren’t terrible. They are wonderful. Toddlers see the world with such a beautiful sense of discovery. Today, Ollie saw a piece of scotch tape on our doormat and thought it was the coolest thing ever. This mindset, not knowing the world also creates frustration and confusion. Sometimes it helps to remember that the hard moments of parenting a toddler comes from the part of them that we love so much.
Friday, January 29, 2016
Year 6: Week 20 – R-E-S-P-E-C-T
When I was growing up, I remember the word “respect” being thrown around a lot at school. From elementary to high school there were signs and talks about respecting yourself, respecting other and respecting the school. If someone misbehaved, it was “disrespectful.”
I didn’t have any idea what respect actually meant when I was growing up and to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I could give you a very good definition right now. Okay google what do you got?
Now the verb definition makes sense. I should as a student avoid harming other students, the school or myself. That’s good advice but why not be more direct and tell kids to admire each other more and not hurt each other? This is something my 3rd graders and my 8th graders can actually understand and put into action.
It feels like this idea of “respect” has been elevated in the context of schools into this a value, a philosophy on life. This is why I never really used the word respect in teaching or in conversations with students. It just seemed too ambiguous.
At my current school we don’t really talk about respect to students all that often. It’s just not a term that I hear in classrooms. Once in a while teachers will talk about expressions of disrespect, like interrupting someone giving a presentation, but we don’t have posters in the hallways and classrooms touting respect as a central idea of the our school.
There are things that my students do that other would probably find disrespectful. My middle school students aren’t great with saying please or thank you or curbing their attitude when they talk to me. Some of my third graders do not immediately snap to a submissive look of regret on their face when I am reprimanding them. My students talk back and sometimes they play jokes on me. For others this may seem like disrespect but for me it’s allowing students to have a voice and to relax into being themselves.
There’s a level of surface respect that doesn’t necessarily reflect real admiration and then there’s people who don’t seem respectful on the surface but have a genuine level of respect that is expressed in more meaningful ways.
The most important level of respect, going with the admiration definition, is the respect they have for themselves not me as their teacher. If being respectful to me helps them get there, than great, but at the end of the day if my students have little respect for me but have learned to truly respect themselves, then I’ve been a successful teacher in my book.
I didn’t have any idea what respect actually meant when I was growing up and to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I could give you a very good definition right now. Okay google what do you got?
Respect: noun: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievement.What? I’m suppose to have respect for my teachers as a kid. That means I should feel deep admiration for them, and myself and my school. I liked my teachers, and I admired some of them, but that’s not something you choose to do, that’s something you earn from people.
Verb: admire, avoid harming or interfering with.
Now the verb definition makes sense. I should as a student avoid harming other students, the school or myself. That’s good advice but why not be more direct and tell kids to admire each other more and not hurt each other? This is something my 3rd graders and my 8th graders can actually understand and put into action.
It feels like this idea of “respect” has been elevated in the context of schools into this a value, a philosophy on life. This is why I never really used the word respect in teaching or in conversations with students. It just seemed too ambiguous.
At my current school we don’t really talk about respect to students all that often. It’s just not a term that I hear in classrooms. Once in a while teachers will talk about expressions of disrespect, like interrupting someone giving a presentation, but we don’t have posters in the hallways and classrooms touting respect as a central idea of the our school.
There are things that my students do that other would probably find disrespectful. My middle school students aren’t great with saying please or thank you or curbing their attitude when they talk to me. Some of my third graders do not immediately snap to a submissive look of regret on their face when I am reprimanding them. My students talk back and sometimes they play jokes on me. For others this may seem like disrespect but for me it’s allowing students to have a voice and to relax into being themselves.
There’s a level of surface respect that doesn’t necessarily reflect real admiration and then there’s people who don’t seem respectful on the surface but have a genuine level of respect that is expressed in more meaningful ways.
The most important level of respect, going with the admiration definition, is the respect they have for themselves not me as their teacher. If being respectful to me helps them get there, than great, but at the end of the day if my students have little respect for me but have learned to truly respect themselves, then I’ve been a successful teacher in my book.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Parenthood: Week 137 - Buffy & Ollie
Buffy was not happy.
She ate her dinner, she got a good walk and we let her out in the back yard to survey her territory but she was still not settled. Buffy paced around the house, whining and looking up at us. I gave her a treat to chew on and while this distracted her, after a couple minutes she returned to pacing around the house.
Ollie wasn’t home.
Grandma had taken Ollie out for the evening and Buffy was worried about Ollie. Buffy was used to being away from Ollie but usually when this was the case, me and/or Diana were also out of the house. This didn’t make sense to Buffy.
When Buffy saw through the window that Ollie and grandma were walking up the driveway she slid out the screen door as I stepped out and ran right up to Ollie. Buffy had only once before went out of front door without a leash and knew to not run out without a leash on.
Once Ollie was inside, Buffy settled down, found a spot in the rug and observed as we got Ollie ready for bed.
Earlier this week, I was sitting in my office, which is two doors down from Ollie’s room. Diana was putting Ollie to bed and they were talking and giggling as they often do as Diana rocks Ollie. I heard Buffy’s faint whine coming from Ollie's room. I got up, opened the door and Buffy ran out, wanting to go downstairs and eat her dinner.
As soon as Buffy left the room, Ollie melted down. He wanted Buffy to stay in his room with him and he didn’t understand why Buffy had left. Ollie is at the age that he needs to learn to respect Buffy’s needs. We weren’t going to force Buffy to stay in his room against his will, especially if she was hungry. Diana and I tried to explain that Buffy would be back but it didn’t help, Ollie continued to cry and wail in sadness.
I gave Buffy a couple minutes to finish her dinner and then I carried her up to Ollie’s room. Only then did Ollie quiet down as I sat down on the footrest of his rocking chair with Buffy in my lap and he reached over and petted Buffy. Ollie reached toward Buffy’s paws, which Buffy did not like, so we redirected Ollie’s hands to Buffy’s mane. He pet Buffy, said goodnight and Buffy and Ollie went to bed.
There are times when Ollie really wants to interact with Buffy. Earlier today he found a picture of a puppy and kept shoving it in Buffy’s face trying to show it to her (Buffy wasn’t very interested). And there are times when Buffy brings a tug toy to Ollie and he isn’t interested in playing with her. Sometimes Ollie chases Buffy around wanting to give her a hug and other times Buffy will carefully sit next to Ollie while he’s watching television and watch him attentively.
Then there are times when they don’t seem to care about each and barely acknowledge each other’s existence, but then there are moments when they express care for each other in emotional and dramatic ways.
There is something special between Ollie and Buffy. It's unique, heartwarming, surprising while sometimes it causes drama, it's always touching. Moments when they miss each other are reminders of what it means to be a family and how lucky we are to have each other.
She ate her dinner, she got a good walk and we let her out in the back yard to survey her territory but she was still not settled. Buffy paced around the house, whining and looking up at us. I gave her a treat to chew on and while this distracted her, after a couple minutes she returned to pacing around the house.
Ollie wasn’t home.
Grandma had taken Ollie out for the evening and Buffy was worried about Ollie. Buffy was used to being away from Ollie but usually when this was the case, me and/or Diana were also out of the house. This didn’t make sense to Buffy.
When Buffy saw through the window that Ollie and grandma were walking up the driveway she slid out the screen door as I stepped out and ran right up to Ollie. Buffy had only once before went out of front door without a leash and knew to not run out without a leash on.
Once Ollie was inside, Buffy settled down, found a spot in the rug and observed as we got Ollie ready for bed.
Earlier this week, I was sitting in my office, which is two doors down from Ollie’s room. Diana was putting Ollie to bed and they were talking and giggling as they often do as Diana rocks Ollie. I heard Buffy’s faint whine coming from Ollie's room. I got up, opened the door and Buffy ran out, wanting to go downstairs and eat her dinner.
As soon as Buffy left the room, Ollie melted down. He wanted Buffy to stay in his room with him and he didn’t understand why Buffy had left. Ollie is at the age that he needs to learn to respect Buffy’s needs. We weren’t going to force Buffy to stay in his room against his will, especially if she was hungry. Diana and I tried to explain that Buffy would be back but it didn’t help, Ollie continued to cry and wail in sadness.
I gave Buffy a couple minutes to finish her dinner and then I carried her up to Ollie’s room. Only then did Ollie quiet down as I sat down on the footrest of his rocking chair with Buffy in my lap and he reached over and petted Buffy. Ollie reached toward Buffy’s paws, which Buffy did not like, so we redirected Ollie’s hands to Buffy’s mane. He pet Buffy, said goodnight and Buffy and Ollie went to bed.
There are times when Ollie really wants to interact with Buffy. Earlier today he found a picture of a puppy and kept shoving it in Buffy’s face trying to show it to her (Buffy wasn’t very interested). And there are times when Buffy brings a tug toy to Ollie and he isn’t interested in playing with her. Sometimes Ollie chases Buffy around wanting to give her a hug and other times Buffy will carefully sit next to Ollie while he’s watching television and watch him attentively.
Then there are times when they don’t seem to care about each and barely acknowledge each other’s existence, but then there are moments when they express care for each other in emotional and dramatic ways.
There is something special between Ollie and Buffy. It's unique, heartwarming, surprising while sometimes it causes drama, it's always touching. Moments when they miss each other are reminders of what it means to be a family and how lucky we are to have each other.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Year 6: Week 19 - Am I Good Enough To Teach Ollie?
It’s a lot of pressure when you really think about.
I’ve had hundreds of parents trust me to take care of their kids. Without their supervision, I talk to them teach them about music and life. I put them in stressful situations, I challenge them to think and I give them orders.
These kids are the most precious thing in their parents’ lives. Each one of my students started as a hope, a dream, and became a child. These children were rocked to sleep, cried over in times of confusion and prayed for in times of fear.
While what we do carries weight because of the trust parents put into us, there’s the responsibility we have to our students’ themselves to be more than a person who hands out worksheets and quizzes and corrects them.
I think about my own son at toddler school. Part of me wants him to have 100% of his teachers’ attention all of the time. But I am also very aware as a teacher that this is not possible and there are times when because of the nature of teaching a group of students, sometimes individual student’s needs are not met immediately. This kind of drives me crazy to think about Ollie needing something but having to wait because a teacher needs to handle something with another kid. And I know he’s fine waiting for a minute and he has great teachers. The educator’s part of my brain knows that it’s important that he learns how to operate in a group setting but the primal part of my brain wants him to be prioritized.
This line of thinking begs the question: If Ollie had a teacher who was teaching like I was, would I be satisfied with his classroom experience?
That question is. . . AHH. . . my head and heart can barely handle thinking about this that way. This is a whole new level of being a reflective practitioner (if you don’t know what I’m referring to check out this post). Part of me thinks that that I'm only a good teacher and not a great teacher and Ollie deserves better than me. This line of thought makes me feel guilty for not being a better teacher for other people's children.
Looking back at this past week, there were moments I was proud of my work and some moments when I could have given more and I didn’t. Honestly as a teacher I’m okay with that. We do the best we can and we can’t give our kids our 100% all of the time. We work within the circumstances that we are given (e.g. class size, instructional minutes). Do my students deserve more out of me?
And that's why this gig is so tough. You can always do better. There's always more work to be done and in order to maintain sanity, at some point you need to say "good enough," and move on. This isn't giving up, it's doing the best that you can, finding that essential balance that gives you time to be yourself outside of teaching.
I’ve had hundreds of parents trust me to take care of their kids. Without their supervision, I talk to them teach them about music and life. I put them in stressful situations, I challenge them to think and I give them orders.
These kids are the most precious thing in their parents’ lives. Each one of my students started as a hope, a dream, and became a child. These children were rocked to sleep, cried over in times of confusion and prayed for in times of fear.
While what we do carries weight because of the trust parents put into us, there’s the responsibility we have to our students’ themselves to be more than a person who hands out worksheets and quizzes and corrects them.
I think about my own son at toddler school. Part of me wants him to have 100% of his teachers’ attention all of the time. But I am also very aware as a teacher that this is not possible and there are times when because of the nature of teaching a group of students, sometimes individual student’s needs are not met immediately. This kind of drives me crazy to think about Ollie needing something but having to wait because a teacher needs to handle something with another kid. And I know he’s fine waiting for a minute and he has great teachers. The educator’s part of my brain knows that it’s important that he learns how to operate in a group setting but the primal part of my brain wants him to be prioritized.
This line of thinking begs the question: If Ollie had a teacher who was teaching like I was, would I be satisfied with his classroom experience?
That question is. . . AHH. . . my head and heart can barely handle thinking about this that way. This is a whole new level of being a reflective practitioner (if you don’t know what I’m referring to check out this post). Part of me thinks that that I'm only a good teacher and not a great teacher and Ollie deserves better than me. This line of thought makes me feel guilty for not being a better teacher for other people's children.
Looking back at this past week, there were moments I was proud of my work and some moments when I could have given more and I didn’t. Honestly as a teacher I’m okay with that. We do the best we can and we can’t give our kids our 100% all of the time. We work within the circumstances that we are given (e.g. class size, instructional minutes). Do my students deserve more out of me?
And that's why this gig is so tough. You can always do better. There's always more work to be done and in order to maintain sanity, at some point you need to say "good enough," and move on. This isn't giving up, it's doing the best that you can, finding that essential balance that gives you time to be yourself outside of teaching.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Monday, January 18, 2016
Parenthood: Week 136 – The Worst Part of Winter
Toddlers are not easy to get out of the door.
If they aren’t throwing a tantrum about not wanting to get out of the house, they are probably taking off their shoes (which you just put on), or getting interested in a toy which you can’t logically take with you, which will probably lead to a tantrum.
When it’s autumn you need to put shoes and a jacket on your kid, grab the diaper bag (which you hope you previously double-checked for extra diapers), then get dressed yourself with shoes and a jacket.
This process is challenging, but it’s not impossible. Ollie is pretty good at putting on his jacket himself and he tries to put on his shoes, which keeps him engaged for a couple minutes.
While in the autumn, this process is challenging, in the winter, it’s . . . um. . . . sigh. Well, let me explain. I’m not talking about the, “Waah! It’s forty-five degrees outside and I have to wear a jacket”-winter. I’m not even talking about the, “Groan! It’s thirty degrees outside and snowing and now I have to wear boots”-winter. I’m talking about the “[insert explicative here] It’s four degrees outside and with the wind-chill, it’s so cold that I can feel my eyeballs freezing”-winter.
You would think that if it’s this cold, any human being with any level of reason would want to bundle up as much as possible with a jacket, hats, gloves and whatever one could possible find to provide warmth.
The problem is that toddler logic doesn’t always extend two minutes in the future. When you tell a toddler that is currently inside and warm that they will be going outside when it’s really cold, that doesn’t necessarily register as requiring that they get dressed for the cold before you go outside.
If you toddler agrees to allow you to actually get them ready for the cold, that’s only half the battle. The hat is usually pretty easy to manage and if that doesn’t work, there’s always the hood. With toddlers, we aren’t talking about gloves, but rather mittens. Last year Ollie’s mittens didn’t even have thumbs and now that they do, the process of getting said thumbs into the right part of the mitten is almost as much fun as trying to help Ollie get his legs in the right legs of his pants without the entertainment of watching him almost lose his balance and fall over.
As an adult, when I put on a jacket, hat and gloves and sit in a cold car, I know that once the car warms up and I get to a stop light I can take off my jacket. While Ollie can take off his gloves and his hat, he can’t really take off his jacket in the car seat. To help with this, if it’s under thirty degrees I will run out and warm up the car for him (my car is parked outside). This way if he refuses to wear his hat and gloves (which is more often than not), Ollie will not freeze as the car warms-up.
I don't really a positive turn around for this post. Does the effort of getting Ollie dressed for the winter make the destination that much more special? No, not really. It's too cold outside. The windchill is -15 degrees right now. That ain't right. If last year is any indication, there is hope. Eventually Ollie put on his gloves and hat voluntarily.
Too bad it was 60 degrees outside and April when he hit this milestone.
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