My students came ready to work. Coming back from winter break I wasn’t how my students would react to getting to it, but I was pleasantly surprised that overall all of my kids were excited to be in school and get going.
Part of this is because my band students have their band concert next week. Yes, it’s a little weird not having our winter concert right before winter break where many musical concerts typically occur. There’s a couple reasons why the band concert ended up after break. We have our elementary school winter concert before break and our choir concert before break. One more concert seemed like a lot for our community and for my department.
Moving it after winter break places the concert closer to the technical end of the semester and there’s not as much stuff going. One of the things that makes concerts right before winter break stressful isn’t the concert itself it’s all of the other stress that holidays bring about outside of school. Personally, as a teacher it’s nice to be working and planning for a concert without as much stuff going on in my personal life. No, I don’t think you should make educational decisions purely based on how they affect your personal life, but it’s a factor worth considering.
Another reason to have our band concert after the winter break is because one of my bands is the 6th grade band. This group is a beginning band and having a later concert allows us to have more time in the beginning of the year to create foundations for the group for growth and have less pressure to get a performance together quickly. With a group at this level a couple weeks does make a big difference.
Last year was the first year we had a band concert this time and it felt very different to me mostly because I was coming back from paternity leave. My paternity sub did a great job, but it was difficult for me to feel in complete control of what was going on and focus my energy and attention on the concert. Don’t get me wrong the concert went well, but this year I know it’s going to be even better. My preparation just feels different. My brain has the space to be more imaginative, more detailed and I’m feeling more excited than I did last year and I think my students are sensing this and responding well to my ideas.
One of the things that I’ve been thinking about is how concerts reflect my work as a teacher. The students’ work on stage is exactly that: the students’ work. However how the concert is organized, and set-up is a reflection of my own professionalism and creativity. There’s so many details to handle, and it can feel like almost too much to handle, but it’s important. It’s feel strangely satisfying to have the space to think about all of these little details because it’s a way that I can show that I care.
A lot of the students will not realize how much work goes into planning a concert, and a lot of the parents will not know either but I will. The pride of knowing that I did right by my school and my students is one of the most powerful motivators I have as a teacher.
Next week is going to be a thing. There’s a lot going on outside the concert prep that I need to find mental space for but I have to make the concert prep feel right for myself and my students. How we feel about how we prepare will create the feeling of how we prepare. The pride that comes starts with the pride we have, every step of the way.
Friday, January 11, 2019
Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Top 10 of 2018: Part 5 - Asian Aaron Burr, Sir
Hamilton starts suddenly, without warning. The lights dim, there is an announcement over the speakers in the character of King George to silence cell phones and the opening chords of the first song, “Alexander Hamilton” starts. There’s no overture, no time to really ease into the show, instead you are immediately placed into the room where it happens. As the opening chords sounds as knocking on a door, the sound of strings like a creaky door lead into the first opening questions, and in that moment the exhilarating ride that is Hamilton begins.
My mom and I had gotten to the theater with some time to spare. This was to my fourth time seeing the show and the first time for my mother. We had some issues with dinner beforehand. The service was slow, which was annoying because, well, we had Hamilton tickets. It was left unsaid to us, but I could see in my mother reactions that we were both wondering if our service had anything to do with the fact that we were the only two people of color in the restaurant. If you think we were being paranoid or unreasonably thinking about our race in this situation, you will not by the end of this post.
I knew that the show was going to start like a roller coaster. I was prepared for it, but I wasn’t prepared for the first thing that happened on stage: Asian Aaron Burr. I didn’t really think about the cast. I assumed there might be some changes since the last time I had seen the show, but I didn’t bother looking up if there was going to be any changes. I was sure it was going to be great regardless.
Then walking onto stage left with a swagger and a twinkle in his eye was Jin Ha. His performance of the first the questions “How does a bastard, orphan, son of…” literally left my jaw hanging open in shock and awe. I have seen so many amazing things on stage, in music, and on screen that have surprised me, left me speechless, and given me an emotional feeling that makes life worth living.
Jin Ha, Asian Aaron Burr, was one of the greatest artistic moments I have ever experienced in my entire life.
The other times when I had seen the show, I felt tears well up in my eyes when the entire cast during the song “Alexander Hamilton,” stand in a company front and all of the wonderful diversity is presented on stage with one powerful chord on the word “time.” This time, I felt tears from the moment Jin Ha walked on to stage. He was everything. His voice was powerful and beautiful, his form and stance were strong and inspiring, and his appearance was attractive, masculine, and beautiful.
Jin Ha on stage was everything I always wanted to see in an Asian-American on stage, and everything I wanted to see in myself when I looked in the mirror.
Sitting next to my mom, I could feel her excitement match mine. It meant so much that we were sharing this moment. This talented, wonderful Asian-American actor was validating her belief in me and filling me with hope for what could be for my children.
I understood why it was meaningful on an intellectual level to have people of color play all of these roles of people who were Caucasian historically. This was an audacious, through-provoking and controversial choice the creative team behind Hamilton made The success of this casting philosophy demolished any arguments against inclusive casting decisions. However, I didn’t get it emotionally until I saw one of my own, a true mirror on stage doing something that was once unthinkable, impossible, and incomprehensible in my mind: an Asian-American playing a part that first belonged to an African-American/Black actor playing a character that was based on a historical white person.
This casting was about race but it was also about the hard work, and talent which Ha proved throughout the musical owning the part of Aaron Burr. He played it with virtuosity, incredible singing technique and depth of character that was nothing short of remarkable. This all meant so much, and so much more because of all of the horrible things the 45th and his administration continued to say about fundamental parts of my American experience.
All of the horrible things that the 45th has said can be put into two categories: things that I find appalling because of what they mean to other people, and things that I find un-American and offensive because of what they reflect about myself. My heart aches every time he says something about a group of people that I am not a part of, but my soul hurts when he says something about me and my family.
This “guy” has questioned the value of my parents as immigrants, portrayed Asians with offensive mocking accents and stereotypical characterizations, provided no public support for AAPI federal initiatives, attempted to position us against other people of color in perceptions of college admissions policies, and even questions my place as an American citizen by questioning the value of birthright citizenship. He did all of these things callously, often with misinformation, and never followed by apologies. His racism against Asian-Americans is as clear as his racism against Mexicans, and his sexism against women.
Worse than all of these things is that his evil efforts to harness the worst fears and scapegoat immigrants have led to the deaths of innocent children and the unnecessary suffering of thousands of people. He has kidnapped children from their parents, ripped babies away from mothers, and he is ultimately responsible for the deaths of at least two children, likely more, all in the guise of a made-up non-existent crisis.
With all of this floating around in my mind, in the zeitgeist of our society, I have thought more about my identity as an Asian-American and an immigrant son than any other year of my life. Unfortunately, these thoughts have more often happened in times of hurt, and painful disbelief. In this world we live in, the strength of one man who proves every single stereotype and misinformation wrong is an inspiring, superhuman act of heroism. This is what Jin Ha did that night on that stage. His contribution to that show, was proof that Asian-Americans are beyond stereotypes, are an essential part of American society, and through their immigration make America great.
My mom and I had gotten to the theater with some time to spare. This was to my fourth time seeing the show and the first time for my mother. We had some issues with dinner beforehand. The service was slow, which was annoying because, well, we had Hamilton tickets. It was left unsaid to us, but I could see in my mother reactions that we were both wondering if our service had anything to do with the fact that we were the only two people of color in the restaurant. If you think we were being paranoid or unreasonably thinking about our race in this situation, you will not by the end of this post.
I knew that the show was going to start like a roller coaster. I was prepared for it, but I wasn’t prepared for the first thing that happened on stage: Asian Aaron Burr. I didn’t really think about the cast. I assumed there might be some changes since the last time I had seen the show, but I didn’t bother looking up if there was going to be any changes. I was sure it was going to be great regardless.
Then walking onto stage left with a swagger and a twinkle in his eye was Jin Ha. His performance of the first the questions “How does a bastard, orphan, son of…” literally left my jaw hanging open in shock and awe. I have seen so many amazing things on stage, in music, and on screen that have surprised me, left me speechless, and given me an emotional feeling that makes life worth living.Jin Ha, Asian Aaron Burr, was one of the greatest artistic moments I have ever experienced in my entire life.
The other times when I had seen the show, I felt tears well up in my eyes when the entire cast during the song “Alexander Hamilton,” stand in a company front and all of the wonderful diversity is presented on stage with one powerful chord on the word “time.” This time, I felt tears from the moment Jin Ha walked on to stage. He was everything. His voice was powerful and beautiful, his form and stance were strong and inspiring, and his appearance was attractive, masculine, and beautiful.
Jin Ha on stage was everything I always wanted to see in an Asian-American on stage, and everything I wanted to see in myself when I looked in the mirror.
Sitting next to my mom, I could feel her excitement match mine. It meant so much that we were sharing this moment. This talented, wonderful Asian-American actor was validating her belief in me and filling me with hope for what could be for my children.
I understood why it was meaningful on an intellectual level to have people of color play all of these roles of people who were Caucasian historically. This was an audacious, through-provoking and controversial choice the creative team behind Hamilton made The success of this casting philosophy demolished any arguments against inclusive casting decisions. However, I didn’t get it emotionally until I saw one of my own, a true mirror on stage doing something that was once unthinkable, impossible, and incomprehensible in my mind: an Asian-American playing a part that first belonged to an African-American/Black actor playing a character that was based on a historical white person.
This casting was about race but it was also about the hard work, and talent which Ha proved throughout the musical owning the part of Aaron Burr. He played it with virtuosity, incredible singing technique and depth of character that was nothing short of remarkable. This all meant so much, and so much more because of all of the horrible things the 45th and his administration continued to say about fundamental parts of my American experience.
All of the horrible things that the 45th has said can be put into two categories: things that I find appalling because of what they mean to other people, and things that I find un-American and offensive because of what they reflect about myself. My heart aches every time he says something about a group of people that I am not a part of, but my soul hurts when he says something about me and my family.
This “guy” has questioned the value of my parents as immigrants, portrayed Asians with offensive mocking accents and stereotypical characterizations, provided no public support for AAPI federal initiatives, attempted to position us against other people of color in perceptions of college admissions policies, and even questions my place as an American citizen by questioning the value of birthright citizenship. He did all of these things callously, often with misinformation, and never followed by apologies. His racism against Asian-Americans is as clear as his racism against Mexicans, and his sexism against women.
Worse than all of these things is that his evil efforts to harness the worst fears and scapegoat immigrants have led to the deaths of innocent children and the unnecessary suffering of thousands of people. He has kidnapped children from their parents, ripped babies away from mothers, and he is ultimately responsible for the deaths of at least two children, likely more, all in the guise of a made-up non-existent crisis.
With all of this floating around in my mind, in the zeitgeist of our society, I have thought more about my identity as an Asian-American and an immigrant son than any other year of my life. Unfortunately, these thoughts have more often happened in times of hurt, and painful disbelief. In this world we live in, the strength of one man who proves every single stereotype and misinformation wrong is an inspiring, superhuman act of heroism. This is what Jin Ha did that night on that stage. His contribution to that show, was proof that Asian-Americans are beyond stereotypes, are an essential part of American society, and through their immigration make America great.
Monday, January 7, 2019
Top 10 of 2018: Part 4/Parenthood: Week 300 - Ollie's Reading & Buffy's Attack
4. Reading To Me
Every single person I respect in my life, every genius I have encountered, and every person who has been an important influence in my life all have one thing in common: they are readers who have a passion and respect for the written word. One of the most important people in my life, who is many of the things I listed above, read his first book, all by himself this past year, my first son, Ollie.
Reading is so important. It is the most powerful tool to gain information, to build empathy, and to understand the human experience. Reading is the gateway to democracy, to power, to love, and to knowing yourself. From the day Ollie was born, I thought about reading to him. Almost every day of his life, I have had the pleasure to read to him, and this year as a kindergarten student, his reading has really taken off.
This past we’ve seen some amazing developments in his reading. We read to him at night, he has the attention for chapter books, and he asks me to trace along words that I’m reading while I read to him. Ollie asks insightful questions about the books that we read and he is eager to spend time reading books independently.
When Diana told me that Ollie had a book he could read to me himself, I was really excited. Yes, it was a photocopied folded over leveled reader about things being cold. There was a lot of repetition, regardless I was so excited that he could read it all by himself. I don’t think Ollie understood how big a deal that this moment was, but I made sure to tell him how excited I was that he read a book to me just as I had been reading books to him for years.
We have been opening up the world through reading to Ollie and I’m so excited that he is beginning to be able to explore through reading by himself and enter this journey of exploration and growth without me holding his hand. Part of me wishes I could be with him through every word, every surprise and every emotion he experiences through books, but I know he’ll share some of these experiences with me, and others he will keep to himself.
I have never been more excited to hear someone read in my entire life. There’s just so much more than pride I feel for Ollie and how much he has grown.
3. The Attack
Buffy doesn’t demand attention like she did when she was a puppy. She doesn’t get as squirrelly as she used to without longer walks and she doesn’t require as much stimulation as she did when she was younger. In the world we live in with a five-year-old and a baby, sometimes the care of Buffy becomes an afterthought.
This changed after the attack
It was unexpected, and we thought we handed it right but we didn’t get her to veterinarian fast enough. Two dogs left multiple puncture wounds on Buffy. By the time she got to the vet, the wounds were infected. While the other dogs’ owners did everything right in the situation (e.g. calling the vet and setting up payment immediately), our little puppy was hurt badly.
The pain pills helped and while we had to trick her into taking them, that was nothing compared to the care we had to do of her wounds.
I’ve cleaned up and dealt with all kinds of bodily fluid from those I love, vomit, defecation, snot, blood and saliva, but treating an infected puncture wound is another level. The discharge from the wound was objectively grosser the any other body fluid I’ve dealt with. The fluid out of an infected wound has a smell and a look that heartbreaking to see as part of one that you love. With all of these bodily fluids issues, cleaning it up is an act of care and love. Sometimes the act is accompanied by sadness and concern like when you are cleaning up vomit as your baby cries from panic and confusion. Accompanied by cleaning up Buffy’s wound and draining the infection was deep guilt and sadness. Also, there was great worry. If the infection didn’t pass, she may have to go in to surgery to get the wound cleaned, which while a minor procedure would require her to be put under, which has the potential for complications.
Buffy had a cone and a shaved area around her rear the wounds were and it was beyond sad. She didn’t understand what was going on, why she hurt and why she had to wear the cone and why we were so sad.
After multiple veterinarian visits, it became clear that the infection had passed. While we were relieved, it took weeks for us to get over the trauma of the event.
You never stop thinking when something goes wrong with your puppy that you could have done something better or different. The relationship between a human and a dog is one that does not bring the dog to a true independence. Buffy will always rely on us and when something goes wrong, the feeling is that we let her down.
The first time Buffy was attacked it helped me understand how much I loved her and cared about her. In the moment when she could have been lost to me, I realized what she meant to me. This most recent attack was a reminder of my responsibility to her and that she is a priority in my life even if she doesn’t demand it. She can’t be an afterthought. I simply have to make more space for her care and consideration in my life. Can I cut one of her walks short? Yes, but just because I can doesn’t mean I should. I committed to take care of her for her entire whole life and that’s never going to change.
Buffy has enriched my life beyond description and taught me what it means to be a parent and to truly love unconditionally. Her presence and her care for our family is powerful and life-changing. My sons are more empathetic and happier because of her spirit and for that I will forever be grateful. I will spend the rest of Buffy’s life helping her understand this by taking care of her with all of my love.
Every single person I respect in my life, every genius I have encountered, and every person who has been an important influence in my life all have one thing in common: they are readers who have a passion and respect for the written word. One of the most important people in my life, who is many of the things I listed above, read his first book, all by himself this past year, my first son, Ollie.
Reading is so important. It is the most powerful tool to gain information, to build empathy, and to understand the human experience. Reading is the gateway to democracy, to power, to love, and to knowing yourself. From the day Ollie was born, I thought about reading to him. Almost every day of his life, I have had the pleasure to read to him, and this year as a kindergarten student, his reading has really taken off.
This past we’ve seen some amazing developments in his reading. We read to him at night, he has the attention for chapter books, and he asks me to trace along words that I’m reading while I read to him. Ollie asks insightful questions about the books that we read and he is eager to spend time reading books independently.
When Diana told me that Ollie had a book he could read to me himself, I was really excited. Yes, it was a photocopied folded over leveled reader about things being cold. There was a lot of repetition, regardless I was so excited that he could read it all by himself. I don’t think Ollie understood how big a deal that this moment was, but I made sure to tell him how excited I was that he read a book to me just as I had been reading books to him for years.
We have been opening up the world through reading to Ollie and I’m so excited that he is beginning to be able to explore through reading by himself and enter this journey of exploration and growth without me holding his hand. Part of me wishes I could be with him through every word, every surprise and every emotion he experiences through books, but I know he’ll share some of these experiences with me, and others he will keep to himself.
I have never been more excited to hear someone read in my entire life. There’s just so much more than pride I feel for Ollie and how much he has grown.
3. The Attack
Buffy doesn’t demand attention like she did when she was a puppy. She doesn’t get as squirrelly as she used to without longer walks and she doesn’t require as much stimulation as she did when she was younger. In the world we live in with a five-year-old and a baby, sometimes the care of Buffy becomes an afterthought.
This changed after the attack
It was unexpected, and we thought we handed it right but we didn’t get her to veterinarian fast enough. Two dogs left multiple puncture wounds on Buffy. By the time she got to the vet, the wounds were infected. While the other dogs’ owners did everything right in the situation (e.g. calling the vet and setting up payment immediately), our little puppy was hurt badly.
The pain pills helped and while we had to trick her into taking them, that was nothing compared to the care we had to do of her wounds.
I’ve cleaned up and dealt with all kinds of bodily fluid from those I love, vomit, defecation, snot, blood and saliva, but treating an infected puncture wound is another level. The discharge from the wound was objectively grosser the any other body fluid I’ve dealt with. The fluid out of an infected wound has a smell and a look that heartbreaking to see as part of one that you love. With all of these bodily fluids issues, cleaning it up is an act of care and love. Sometimes the act is accompanied by sadness and concern like when you are cleaning up vomit as your baby cries from panic and confusion. Accompanied by cleaning up Buffy’s wound and draining the infection was deep guilt and sadness. Also, there was great worry. If the infection didn’t pass, she may have to go in to surgery to get the wound cleaned, which while a minor procedure would require her to be put under, which has the potential for complications.
Buffy had a cone and a shaved area around her rear the wounds were and it was beyond sad. She didn’t understand what was going on, why she hurt and why she had to wear the cone and why we were so sad.
After multiple veterinarian visits, it became clear that the infection had passed. While we were relieved, it took weeks for us to get over the trauma of the event.
You never stop thinking when something goes wrong with your puppy that you could have done something better or different. The relationship between a human and a dog is one that does not bring the dog to a true independence. Buffy will always rely on us and when something goes wrong, the feeling is that we let her down.
The first time Buffy was attacked it helped me understand how much I loved her and cared about her. In the moment when she could have been lost to me, I realized what she meant to me. This most recent attack was a reminder of my responsibility to her and that she is a priority in my life even if she doesn’t demand it. She can’t be an afterthought. I simply have to make more space for her care and consideration in my life. Can I cut one of her walks short? Yes, but just because I can doesn’t mean I should. I committed to take care of her for her entire whole life and that’s never going to change.
Buffy has enriched my life beyond description and taught me what it means to be a parent and to truly love unconditionally. Her presence and her care for our family is powerful and life-changing. My sons are more empathetic and happier because of her spirit and for that I will forever be grateful. I will spend the rest of Buffy’s life helping her understand this by taking care of her with all of my love.
Friday, January 4, 2019
Top 10 of 2018: Part 3 - The Work At School
6. She Persisted
As a teacher we should do for our students more than we do for ourselves at school. However every once in a while, there comes an opportunity, a project that serves your soul as a person as much as it serves your school community. The She Persisted project was one of those moments.
Based on the book by Chelsea Clinton, this assembly I organized around based on this book, provided me a chance to “go high,” and focus on positivity in the face of so much darkness, and negativity. Yes, we need to bring forward the corruption, expose exploitation, and call out the hypocrisy and systemic oppression. We also need to find moments to reflect on the good work, the positive examples of people doing work for the people and by the people. We can’t forget that the work of social justice can be and should be joyous sometimes and, in this assembly, it was exactly that.
Thinking about what else has happened this year and the continued sexism women face in our society, and the amazing examples of women showing incredible courage, it feels like projects like this need to happen all of the time. I’m proud of this work, but I’m also very aware that this cannot be an end. This has to be a start and we have to, I have to keep pushing to elevate women in society, and in my school community.
Persisting takes strength, lack of sleep, and stubbornness. It would easy to do less, but to prove to my children that my time at work away from them means something, for the future of our country in the students I teach, and for myself, I have to keep persisting.
5. Of Color
My school hosted two incredible events this year: The Administrators Of Color Conference, and The Young Men Of Color Symposium. In these spaces I was surrounded by amazing people. There are so many misunderstandings about people of color in our society. The main one that these events disproved over and over is the power and brilliances in people of color. Yes, people of color have suffered oppression over generations and continue to face racism beyond most American’s imagination. But we are here, we are survivors and we are changing America right now.
The Administrators Of Color Conference was mind-blowing. I was surrounded by some of the smartest and most intelligent people I have every met in my entire life. The conversations were thought-provoking and challenging but also were validating and comforting. It was a conference that faced tough issues with creativity, important questions and solidarity.
Sitting in an auditorium full of young men of color was transformative. Feeling the energy, the potential in the room, and being amongst an incredible group of adults present to bring these young men up was something beyond pride. The speaker Wes Moore defined success as one’s ability to bring other people up, to serve others, and in this context, we worked together as a community.
I found myself relying on parents I was partnered with to help teach groups of students in break-out sessions that I did not know how to best to teach. In this discomfort, I learned about how much work I had to do but also what the students needed and weren’t getting from teachers like myself. Leading an Asian-American affinity group, I was reminded that sometimes the most important thing we can do as teachers is show up and listen.
There’s a lot of work left to done, and in these spaces the work seemed less daunting and more exciting, because I knew that I had others to join me in the work and a whole generation of young men to go on this journey together.
As a teacher we should do for our students more than we do for ourselves at school. However every once in a while, there comes an opportunity, a project that serves your soul as a person as much as it serves your school community. The She Persisted project was one of those moments.
Based on the book by Chelsea Clinton, this assembly I organized around based on this book, provided me a chance to “go high,” and focus on positivity in the face of so much darkness, and negativity. Yes, we need to bring forward the corruption, expose exploitation, and call out the hypocrisy and systemic oppression. We also need to find moments to reflect on the good work, the positive examples of people doing work for the people and by the people. We can’t forget that the work of social justice can be and should be joyous sometimes and, in this assembly, it was exactly that.
Thinking about what else has happened this year and the continued sexism women face in our society, and the amazing examples of women showing incredible courage, it feels like projects like this need to happen all of the time. I’m proud of this work, but I’m also very aware that this cannot be an end. This has to be a start and we have to, I have to keep pushing to elevate women in society, and in my school community.
Persisting takes strength, lack of sleep, and stubbornness. It would easy to do less, but to prove to my children that my time at work away from them means something, for the future of our country in the students I teach, and for myself, I have to keep persisting.
5. Of Color
My school hosted two incredible events this year: The Administrators Of Color Conference, and The Young Men Of Color Symposium. In these spaces I was surrounded by amazing people. There are so many misunderstandings about people of color in our society. The main one that these events disproved over and over is the power and brilliances in people of color. Yes, people of color have suffered oppression over generations and continue to face racism beyond most American’s imagination. But we are here, we are survivors and we are changing America right now.
The Administrators Of Color Conference was mind-blowing. I was surrounded by some of the smartest and most intelligent people I have every met in my entire life. The conversations were thought-provoking and challenging but also were validating and comforting. It was a conference that faced tough issues with creativity, important questions and solidarity.
Sitting in an auditorium full of young men of color was transformative. Feeling the energy, the potential in the room, and being amongst an incredible group of adults present to bring these young men up was something beyond pride. The speaker Wes Moore defined success as one’s ability to bring other people up, to serve others, and in this context, we worked together as a community.
I found myself relying on parents I was partnered with to help teach groups of students in break-out sessions that I did not know how to best to teach. In this discomfort, I learned about how much work I had to do but also what the students needed and weren’t getting from teachers like myself. Leading an Asian-American affinity group, I was reminded that sometimes the most important thing we can do as teachers is show up and listen.
There’s a lot of work left to done, and in these spaces the work seemed less daunting and more exciting, because I knew that I had others to join me in the work and a whole generation of young men to go on this journey together.
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
Top 10 of 2018: Part 2 - The Elections & The Hearing Aid
8. Two Years Later
I knew it mattered that I voted back in 2016, but when I voted this past November, I understood what was at stake. After two years of the one of the worst Presidents in American history, a horrendous Senate, and a damaging House Of Representatives, it became painfully clear that the choices we made during elections mattered.
The government, for the people and by the people should work to expand the rights of its citizens. Instead of doing this the Republican led executive and legislative branch focused on their version of “economic growth,” and “small government,” setting up situations which would actually require more government involvement in the future to fix the devastating effects of their selfishness. Not doing anything about racism in America will make it worse, and in doing nothing, the President and the majority power in congress have made one thing in America “great” again, racism.
Was their doubt that the blue wave would come? Yes, but pessimism never served me well in the past and while it did lead to a devastating feelings of loss and disbelief in 2016, it was optimism that refused to let me give up on my family, my country, and myself.
So, I voted with Ollie doing our mail-in ballot together, I mailed it in, and then I hoped for the wave. As much as the right might want to claim this election wasn’t victory for the Democrats, they are wrong. The Left won in a big way and they lost in ways that many did not predict. Elections across the country which were supposed to be blow-outs because of systemic racist voter suppression were close, and established candidates on the right sweated.
Every election matters, every vote matters. Things get better or they get worse and unless you take a stand, and work to make things more equitable, rights will disappear. After the 2016 election, I initially felt devastated, after the 2018 election, I'm feel that I'm ready to get to work.
7. Baha
It wasn’t like one of those videos on youtube.com when a kid hears their parents’ voice for the first time. Ethan’s eyes didn’t light up the first time he had his hearing aid turned, he didn’t start giggling, or acting all that differently. I don’t think in the moment this meant all that much to Ethan, but it meant a lot to me.
We knew that this day was coming. Ethan’s unilateral hearing loss has been on our mind Ethan’s entire life. While it was once far in the front of my mind when I thought about him, it has become less in my thoughts as he grew older, but his disability never left me.
In my daily interactions with Ethan I don’t really notice his hearing loss. He reacts when I talk to him, he hears the front door open when we are upstairs, and his verbal skills are developing very well. I do see his right ear for what it is, smaller than his left and shaped different due to microtia, but it’s more of a cute feature when I gently touch it than a deformity. That ear really is the only outward sign of his disability, so putting on the head-strap and the Baha (hearing aid) in public comes with the knowledge that we are making public in the eyes of people something that we could easily hide.
Carrying him around family parties or at school when he is wearing his Baha, I have to careful to center him in front of me or carry him on my right hip to make sure the hearing aid doesn’t brush up against my chest. This is a challenge since I usually carry him on my left hip with my left arm, which is significantly stronger since I am left handed. I wonder if people are noticing his hearing aid, and I prepare myself for any comments people might ask say. Plenty of people come up and say hi to Ethan but very few saying anything about his hearing aid and the ones that do ask in the most wonderful and supportive ways. I’m sure that someone eventually will saying something rude or annoying about his Baha but it’s nice to know that this doesn’t have to be the norm.
The facebook groups I'm a member of for parents of children with hearing loss have filled my feed with pictures of children with all of kind of disabilities and stories of parents struggling with situations far more challenging than ours. I've read the first part of Andrew Solomon's essential book Far From The Tree including his chapter on deafness, which has completely changed the way that I view and feel about people with disabilities.
We are starting to see more of difference when Ethan wears his Baha. He talks more and reacts to sounds faster. Ethan gets tired of wearing it sometimes and it’s easy to forget to put it on as much as we should. More than these things, I’m happy that we have this hearing aid for my little special little guy, and the world sounds a little bit more beautiful to him because of his Baha.
I knew it mattered that I voted back in 2016, but when I voted this past November, I understood what was at stake. After two years of the one of the worst Presidents in American history, a horrendous Senate, and a damaging House Of Representatives, it became painfully clear that the choices we made during elections mattered.
The government, for the people and by the people should work to expand the rights of its citizens. Instead of doing this the Republican led executive and legislative branch focused on their version of “economic growth,” and “small government,” setting up situations which would actually require more government involvement in the future to fix the devastating effects of their selfishness. Not doing anything about racism in America will make it worse, and in doing nothing, the President and the majority power in congress have made one thing in America “great” again, racism.
Was their doubt that the blue wave would come? Yes, but pessimism never served me well in the past and while it did lead to a devastating feelings of loss and disbelief in 2016, it was optimism that refused to let me give up on my family, my country, and myself.
So, I voted with Ollie doing our mail-in ballot together, I mailed it in, and then I hoped for the wave. As much as the right might want to claim this election wasn’t victory for the Democrats, they are wrong. The Left won in a big way and they lost in ways that many did not predict. Elections across the country which were supposed to be blow-outs because of systemic racist voter suppression were close, and established candidates on the right sweated.
Every election matters, every vote matters. Things get better or they get worse and unless you take a stand, and work to make things more equitable, rights will disappear. After the 2016 election, I initially felt devastated, after the 2018 election, I'm feel that I'm ready to get to work.
7. Baha
It wasn’t like one of those videos on youtube.com when a kid hears their parents’ voice for the first time. Ethan’s eyes didn’t light up the first time he had his hearing aid turned, he didn’t start giggling, or acting all that differently. I don’t think in the moment this meant all that much to Ethan, but it meant a lot to me.
We knew that this day was coming. Ethan’s unilateral hearing loss has been on our mind Ethan’s entire life. While it was once far in the front of my mind when I thought about him, it has become less in my thoughts as he grew older, but his disability never left me.
In my daily interactions with Ethan I don’t really notice his hearing loss. He reacts when I talk to him, he hears the front door open when we are upstairs, and his verbal skills are developing very well. I do see his right ear for what it is, smaller than his left and shaped different due to microtia, but it’s more of a cute feature when I gently touch it than a deformity. That ear really is the only outward sign of his disability, so putting on the head-strap and the Baha (hearing aid) in public comes with the knowledge that we are making public in the eyes of people something that we could easily hide.
Carrying him around family parties or at school when he is wearing his Baha, I have to careful to center him in front of me or carry him on my right hip to make sure the hearing aid doesn’t brush up against my chest. This is a challenge since I usually carry him on my left hip with my left arm, which is significantly stronger since I am left handed. I wonder if people are noticing his hearing aid, and I prepare myself for any comments people might ask say. Plenty of people come up and say hi to Ethan but very few saying anything about his hearing aid and the ones that do ask in the most wonderful and supportive ways. I’m sure that someone eventually will saying something rude or annoying about his Baha but it’s nice to know that this doesn’t have to be the norm.
The facebook groups I'm a member of for parents of children with hearing loss have filled my feed with pictures of children with all of kind of disabilities and stories of parents struggling with situations far more challenging than ours. I've read the first part of Andrew Solomon's essential book Far From The Tree including his chapter on deafness, which has completely changed the way that I view and feel about people with disabilities.
We are starting to see more of difference when Ethan wears his Baha. He talks more and reacts to sounds faster. Ethan gets tired of wearing it sometimes and it’s easy to forget to put it on as much as we should. More than these things, I’m happy that we have this hearing aid for my little special little guy, and the world sounds a little bit more beautiful to him because of his Baha.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Parenthood: Week 299 – Christmases (plural)
It started with Christmas #1, which was a family gathering with Diana’s paternal extended family the weekend before Christmas. Christmas #2 was a dinner gathering with Diana’s immediate family on Christmas Eve. Christmas #3 was Christmas morning spent with us and our two sons, and then Christmas #4 was that evening spent with Diana’s maternal extended family. Even though #3 and #4 were on the same day the feeling of that day really made it feel like two.
All of these events felt different for our family. Christmas #1 had a lot of children. Ollie was one of almost half a dozen children around his age. Many of Diana’s cousins have children and there’s a desire by many of the people there to play with and hang out with the kids, probably because many of the adult at the gathering are adult or grandparents themselves. This makes it an event where Ollie can have quality time with kids his own age. Because there’s so many children around, this is an early afternoon event.
Christmas #2 is a shorter drive and was at Diana’s mother’s house (the drive to Christmas #1 and #3 was almost an hour). This was a much smaller crowd compared to the almost forty people at Christmas #1. It was just eight people: Diana’s parents, her two brothers, me and her and our boys. This is when we did a lot of the gift giving and had more intimate time as a smaller family unit. As the grandchildren and nephews to my brothers-in-law, our children got a lot of attention. The smaller crowd made the event more intimate, and quieter.
Christmas #3 started with thunder of Ollie’s feet in the morning. The night before Diana and I had set out a stack of presents and I rushed down ahead of Ollie in the morning to turn on the Christmas tree lights for full effect. Ollie could barely contain his excitement as he went down the stairs. We had a relaxed morning in our pajamas slowly unwrapping presents. Ollie likes to take his time with presents. He will open a present, and then want to open and play with it until he opens another gift.
Then we had Christmas #4 which was the during the evening. Ollie and Ethan were the only kids at this part so the design of it, food, time, and set-up was more adult-orientated. This was logical as this side of the family had not been inundated with grandchildren and nieces and nephews. At this point, Ollie was pretty tired, exhausted from the excitement from the previous Christmases and getting up early every day for the past month to open the door on his Lego Advent Calendar. At least half-way through December he stopped getting up before 6:00 AM to open the little next door, or at least getting me up before 6:00 AM.
It’s not always going to be like this. Like most families at some point, the extended family Christmases may get dropped off and as immediately families become extended families themselves the number of Christmases may become fewer or are replaced with others. All of this is exciting but confusing for Ollie, and Ethan doesn’t have a concept of what is going on, so it’s all a bit much for him. However, it’s meaningful for people to spend time with him, so I’m willing to put in the effort. Holiday with children is like how trips with children aren’t vacations. It’s a lot of work, much of it Diana takes the lead with. Now that Ollie is old enough to show appreciation for all of the work it is more rewarding, and even though I was exhausted and sick on Christmas morning, it was magical and wonderful to see Ollie’s reaction when he saw the Christmas tree lit up with presents underneath.
I’m still trying to figure out what I want Christmas to be for myself and for my children. A lot of my work now is supporting Diana’s vision, which is fine, since I don’t have one myself. I feel like I’m still recovering from the multiple Christmases, thankful the for the times, and the respite before school gets back in session to get healthy, catch up on sleep and focus on time with my family.
Multiple Christmases are a reality for many people, and there’s no instruction manual or guidelines about how to handle all of this. Because of the size of some of these events and all of the other things swirling around this time of year, and for us the fact that we have little ones to watch over, sometimes it’s hard to connect with other family members during these events. This is hard to accept because we put pressure on ourselves to make these moments meaningful and that can’t always happen.
Sometimes I leave these Christmases with the feeling that I should make an effort to spend more time with these people during other times of the year, and not just wait for these multiple Christmases to nurture these relationships. Part of the reality that I'm struggling with is that lately I've noticed that I'm struggling more and more handling social situations with large groups of people. This may have to do with parenting or some other things going on in my life...hmm...something to unpack later.
All of these events felt different for our family. Christmas #1 had a lot of children. Ollie was one of almost half a dozen children around his age. Many of Diana’s cousins have children and there’s a desire by many of the people there to play with and hang out with the kids, probably because many of the adult at the gathering are adult or grandparents themselves. This makes it an event where Ollie can have quality time with kids his own age. Because there’s so many children around, this is an early afternoon event.
Christmas #2 is a shorter drive and was at Diana’s mother’s house (the drive to Christmas #1 and #3 was almost an hour). This was a much smaller crowd compared to the almost forty people at Christmas #1. It was just eight people: Diana’s parents, her two brothers, me and her and our boys. This is when we did a lot of the gift giving and had more intimate time as a smaller family unit. As the grandchildren and nephews to my brothers-in-law, our children got a lot of attention. The smaller crowd made the event more intimate, and quieter.
Christmas #3 started with thunder of Ollie’s feet in the morning. The night before Diana and I had set out a stack of presents and I rushed down ahead of Ollie in the morning to turn on the Christmas tree lights for full effect. Ollie could barely contain his excitement as he went down the stairs. We had a relaxed morning in our pajamas slowly unwrapping presents. Ollie likes to take his time with presents. He will open a present, and then want to open and play with it until he opens another gift.
Then we had Christmas #4 which was the during the evening. Ollie and Ethan were the only kids at this part so the design of it, food, time, and set-up was more adult-orientated. This was logical as this side of the family had not been inundated with grandchildren and nieces and nephews. At this point, Ollie was pretty tired, exhausted from the excitement from the previous Christmases and getting up early every day for the past month to open the door on his Lego Advent Calendar. At least half-way through December he stopped getting up before 6:00 AM to open the little next door, or at least getting me up before 6:00 AM.
It’s not always going to be like this. Like most families at some point, the extended family Christmases may get dropped off and as immediately families become extended families themselves the number of Christmases may become fewer or are replaced with others. All of this is exciting but confusing for Ollie, and Ethan doesn’t have a concept of what is going on, so it’s all a bit much for him. However, it’s meaningful for people to spend time with him, so I’m willing to put in the effort. Holiday with children is like how trips with children aren’t vacations. It’s a lot of work, much of it Diana takes the lead with. Now that Ollie is old enough to show appreciation for all of the work it is more rewarding, and even though I was exhausted and sick on Christmas morning, it was magical and wonderful to see Ollie’s reaction when he saw the Christmas tree lit up with presents underneath.
I’m still trying to figure out what I want Christmas to be for myself and for my children. A lot of my work now is supporting Diana’s vision, which is fine, since I don’t have one myself. I feel like I’m still recovering from the multiple Christmases, thankful the for the times, and the respite before school gets back in session to get healthy, catch up on sleep and focus on time with my family.
Multiple Christmases are a reality for many people, and there’s no instruction manual or guidelines about how to handle all of this. Because of the size of some of these events and all of the other things swirling around this time of year, and for us the fact that we have little ones to watch over, sometimes it’s hard to connect with other family members during these events. This is hard to accept because we put pressure on ourselves to make these moments meaningful and that can’t always happen.
Sometimes I leave these Christmases with the feeling that I should make an effort to spend more time with these people during other times of the year, and not just wait for these multiple Christmases to nurture these relationships. Part of the reality that I'm struggling with is that lately I've noticed that I'm struggling more and more handling social situations with large groups of people. This may have to do with parenting or some other things going on in my life...hmm...something to unpack later.
Friday, December 28, 2018
Top 10 of 2018: Part 1 - SuperHERoes
Ok, here we go the Top 10 of 2018. This included people, events, and art. The things that stuck with me through 2018 and will carryon in my memory and my heart.
10. The Rowdy One
I enjoy a good technical wrestling match, or an epic brawl, but what I love the most in a professional wrestling match, in the square circle, is seeing a superhero. When Ronda Rousey in her first professional wrestling match at WrestleMania 31 rolled over Triple H and somehow hoisted him up on his shoulders, it felt like seeing Superman lift up a plane. Yes, I knew in the back of the mind that he helped her pick him up, and yes I know that this match was meticulously choreographed and rehearsed, but it didn’t matter. In that moment, in that moment, I believed, and what a great feeling.
I got back into professional wrestling about two years ago, and with the guidance of Dave Meltzer and Bryan Alvarez of the Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Weekly Online community, I got pulled right back in to this wonderful world. Meltzer is an encyclopedic genius, historian, and an incredible writer. Bryans is a hilarious personality and also great critic, and at the center of the “empire.” They sees the professional wrestling sins, shortcomings, and failings. However, they also see the beauty, genius, drama and art in this form of entertainment. More a feminist than not, and with a fierce anti-racist view on the world, these great men makes me proud to be a wrestling fan.
Ronda Rousey’s made the past year of professional wrestling fun, exciting, and energizing. In a time when many of wrestlers billed to be “the guy” failed to truly get over, it was Rousey, and other women wrestlers who made the shows on the main rosters more than something to talk about. They made wrestling something to cheer about.
The Rock was the first wrestler who made me believe, and it’s Ronda who in the past year has reignited and confirmed this faith.
9. By The Way, Brandi is Back
Like many people I first came to Brandi Carlile as that person who did that song on Grey’s Anatomy.
Then a couple years ago I decided to analyze the media and art I was consuming. Looking at this list of authors, musicians, actors and writers, I noticed they were almost all, white, cis-gendered, straight white men. If I was to become a more accepting and inclusive person, it needed to start with what I was consuming so I deliberately sought out diversity, and this led me to Brandi Carlile.
Along with her “Tragedy”-like ballads, her albums are full of a wonderful mix of genres and themes. Her unmistakable voice is intimate, gentle, and powerful. Oh, and her lyrics, they are everything. She was the soundtrack of 2016 for me, and in every difficult moment of that year, there was Brandi’s voice bringing me hope, comfort, and validation.
This past year, she released her most recent album By The Way, I Forgive You. I preordered this album and I was looking forward to this new work. This album all about the concept of forgiveness was one of her best albums, mature, venerable, honest, and relevant. It’s about so much: her coming out as lesbian and being turned away from her church, how much parenthood sucks, protests, understanding your parents, knowing through forgiveness what is love. This album mattered, it’s song were really, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed.
This album appeared on many of the best album lists recently and has gotten nominated for many awards. The world is coming around and seeing what I’ve been discovering: Brandi Carlile is one of the greatest singers and songwriters in her generation.
President Obama also featured this song on his list of favorite songs this year:
Sometimes when musicians take the stage they seem taller, extraordinary, with power beyond mortal men. Watching Brandi lead the crowd in the video to "Hold Out Your Hand" in Seattle's "March For Our Lives" protest she was every bit a SuperHERo. Through her art, and the power of her voice Brandi Carlile help us all lift ourselves all out of the tragedy in our lives.
10. The Rowdy One
I enjoy a good technical wrestling match, or an epic brawl, but what I love the most in a professional wrestling match, in the square circle, is seeing a superhero. When Ronda Rousey in her first professional wrestling match at WrestleMania 31 rolled over Triple H and somehow hoisted him up on his shoulders, it felt like seeing Superman lift up a plane. Yes, I knew in the back of the mind that he helped her pick him up, and yes I know that this match was meticulously choreographed and rehearsed, but it didn’t matter. In that moment, in that moment, I believed, and what a great feeling.
I got back into professional wrestling about two years ago, and with the guidance of Dave Meltzer and Bryan Alvarez of the Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Weekly Online community, I got pulled right back in to this wonderful world. Meltzer is an encyclopedic genius, historian, and an incredible writer. Bryans is a hilarious personality and also great critic, and at the center of the “empire.” They sees the professional wrestling sins, shortcomings, and failings. However, they also see the beauty, genius, drama and art in this form of entertainment. More a feminist than not, and with a fierce anti-racist view on the world, these great men makes me proud to be a wrestling fan.
Ronda Rousey’s made the past year of professional wrestling fun, exciting, and energizing. In a time when many of wrestlers billed to be “the guy” failed to truly get over, it was Rousey, and other women wrestlers who made the shows on the main rosters more than something to talk about. They made wrestling something to cheer about.
The Rock was the first wrestler who made me believe, and it’s Ronda who in the past year has reignited and confirmed this faith.
9. By The Way, Brandi is Back
Like many people I first came to Brandi Carlile as that person who did that song on Grey’s Anatomy.
Then a couple years ago I decided to analyze the media and art I was consuming. Looking at this list of authors, musicians, actors and writers, I noticed they were almost all, white, cis-gendered, straight white men. If I was to become a more accepting and inclusive person, it needed to start with what I was consuming so I deliberately sought out diversity, and this led me to Brandi Carlile.
Along with her “Tragedy”-like ballads, her albums are full of a wonderful mix of genres and themes. Her unmistakable voice is intimate, gentle, and powerful. Oh, and her lyrics, they are everything. She was the soundtrack of 2016 for me, and in every difficult moment of that year, there was Brandi’s voice bringing me hope, comfort, and validation.
This past year, she released her most recent album By The Way, I Forgive You. I preordered this album and I was looking forward to this new work. This album all about the concept of forgiveness was one of her best albums, mature, venerable, honest, and relevant. It’s about so much: her coming out as lesbian and being turned away from her church, how much parenthood sucks, protests, understanding your parents, knowing through forgiveness what is love. This album mattered, it’s song were really, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed.
This album appeared on many of the best album lists recently and has gotten nominated for many awards. The world is coming around and seeing what I’ve been discovering: Brandi Carlile is one of the greatest singers and songwriters in her generation.
President Obama also featured this song on his list of favorite songs this year:
Sometimes when musicians take the stage they seem taller, extraordinary, with power beyond mortal men. Watching Brandi lead the crowd in the video to "Hold Out Your Hand" in Seattle's "March For Our Lives" protest she was every bit a SuperHERo. Through her art, and the power of her voice Brandi Carlile help us all lift ourselves all out of the tragedy in our lives.
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