Year 10: Week 10 – YMOC

This past weekend my school hosted its second annual Young Men of Color Symposium.

This event was inspired by a similar symposium started by Dwight Vidale at the Riverdale Country School in New York City. The idea was to create a space for young men of color in independent schools. This time served as an affinity space, a time for personal growth, and a place for community building.

This year like last year, I served as a facilitator. I’ll be totally honest. This year and last year it was a challenge…in a great way.  It has taken me 14 years to get to a place where almost all of the time I can handle whatever groups of students that is put in front of me. And it’s not like I couldn’t handle this group of students, but there were time that I wasn’t sure what to do.  My co-facilitators more than a couple times swooped in when I wasn’t sure what to do and did a great job.

I’m learning that facilitating isn’t the same as teaching. Also, I learning that groups of boys don’t work the same way together as a group of students who are made up of different genders. Throw in the fact that these are all students of color and you have a very unique situation that takes care and finesse to handle.

It was clear that some of the behavior that in a classroom context would be characterized as disruptive was an expression of learning through a level of discomfort. For example, we did an activity when people had to complete the phrase, “one thing I like about being a person of color is…” One student said his hair and immediately other students giggled, and some started feeling their hair nervously. The rowdiness in the other students responses was significant. My initial instinct was the shut it down these seemingly silly responses but taking cues from the other facilitators, I let it go.

Part of the dynamic in the room that I need to put out there is that I was an Asian-American adult in a room full of mostly black and African-American identified boys. The work in this room was racial and my identity is part of what was in that room, and I needed to be conscientious about what my presence meant in this space.

Now, I don’t really know what my presence means right now, but that’s okay. This is a space for young men of color, Asian-identified included. This year even though Asians were still a minority in a group of minorities, more Asian students came this year.

I have a lot of questions and wonders about this experience, but I’m glad that I got to part of this experience and contribute to this experience for these young men. Part of why I love teaching is that it puts me in different and uncomfortable places. This is how I learn and grow, and I’m grateful that I got to do this in service of these incredible young men of color.

Parenthood: Week 343 – Halloween

I view Halloween is like a children’s toy.

If a kid is not playing well with a toy, one reasonable consequence is to take that toy away. The fact that we still have to remind people that racism is not okay on Halloween, and dressing like other cultures is not appropriate continues frustrates me. While I do think that college-aged people having a  excuse to party is totally fine, however when this over-sexualization of characters and costumes tickles down to high school age people and even middle school age children, it’s really disturbing (and this does in fact happen).

Personally, I’ve never been that into dressing up, and the whole candy door to door thing never made much sense to me, so I wasn’t looking forward to doing the Halloween thing with my own children. That was until Ollie was born and I started seeing pictures of babies in costumes.

Seriously, cute little babies and toddlers are the best part of Halloween. I don’t know what it is about seeing little ones dress up that adds to their cuteness quotient but it totally does. Add in the ridiculousness of dressing up dogs in costumes and it somehow balances out all of the awfulness that is Halloween…mostly.

Every year we got Buffy costumes and that continued when Ollie came around and same with Ethan. We probably spent more money on costumes than I was comfortable at first but we made it happen. We mitigated the costs by going the Etsy route, which depending on the costume can be more affordable. Diana started doing this thing where she order a winter knit hat as part a costume, which doubles as a functional hat. We did this for a panda, koala, and dinosaur costumes.

Another thing that makes Halloween SO much better is the fact that my neighborhood does trick or treating the Sunday afternoon before Halloween. Kids run around for less than an hour, people sit in chairs on the sidewalk outside the house, which eliminates the awkward door knocking part. It’s well-lit in the middle of the afternoon, and generally, really easy.

Since we moved in, I stayed behind and handed out candy, but this year I took Ethan around. This was the first time I had ever gone trick or treating with any of my kids and it was super cute. Ethan really likes being held so it was impressive to see him walking on his own so much. He would slowly walk up to people holding out bowls of candy sitting on the sidewalk, carefully take one piece out of the bowl and put it in his bag and walk away. I tried to get him to say thank you and most of the time he tried, but it was usually really softly.

Ethan made it to almost ten different houses, which was a really far walk for him. It was nice to see so many of my neighbors be so delighted by his cuteness. Everyone was so nice to him, and he got really into this activity. Now this was followed by several meltdowns in the following days because well…candy, but it was still wonderful to walk with him around the neighborhood.

I still have issues with Halloween, but I’m glad that my family has figured out a way to make it work for us.  I'm looking forward to one more to fit into a theme with my other sons and Buffy...this may take some creativity. 

Year 10: Week 9 - What I Love Part 2

Aloud

I love reading books to children. If I had spare time I would volunteer to do read-aloud anywhere people would take me. When I taught special ed, and general classroom, doing reading books to students was one of my favorite thing to do. Children are given permission to enjoy so many things that adults also enjoy but for one reason or another aren’t valued as adult experiences. One of these special things that I feel that all people love is being told stories. Kids are the lucky ones who in the best of schools get to experiences almost every single day.

I am a music teacher and I only see my students twice a week for 40 minutes. I have a lot of stuff in my curriculum that is important so I don’t have a lot of time to do read aloud even when it’s a musical book that enriches the music curriculum. So, I integrate books as much as I can, and dive deep into the experience of reading to my students. I don’t do voice, but I do sound effects. I love playing with the volume and pitch of my voice and building up to dramatic silences.

The thing I love the most about reading books to students is that it’s an opening for further conversations, and connections. Books are in invitation to discuss, share, and reflect. It’s a beautiful part of teaching, that I always enjoy.

Opening The House

Even though I'm not a fan of coming in on the weekends, open houses, which are often on Saturdays are a great opportunity to help my school communicate to others what is special, important and of value at my school.

During these events sometimes I get direct questions and other times I am given space to simply talk. My job in these moments is to help others see what I love about education and my school, and while there is a level of salesmanship going on here, it doesn’t feel phony.

I believe in education, I believe in my school, and I believe that there is something important about the work that I do with my students. There are times that I have to mold my answers to what others are saying and sometimes steer the conversation in another direction, but more often than not these exchanges feel organic, authentic and meaningful.

I have empathy for these parents having gone through a similar process with my own son, and I do my best to work through the awkwardness of the conversations. What I enjoy most is helping the parents see that there is a place that sees children and values them because of their diversity and  the different facets of their identity. When visitors understand this, I can see excitement in their eyes as the hope that a school will value their children as they love them grows. It’s a conversation that turns doubt into a maybe, and helps transforms pessimism into hope.

Parenthood: Week 342 – This Is Six

As I carried the basket of clean laundry up to our bedroom, I tried to be as quiet as possible. I had just gotten Ethan to sleep and Diana had finished reading to Ollie. The hallway was dark and I walked carefully walked trying not to bump the sides of the laundry basket against the walls.

I angled the laundry basket just right to fit through the door frame when I heard faint singing. I put the laundry down and approached Ollie’s door. I listened at his door and heard his soft singing. I couldn’t name the tune, but it was peaceful and gentle. Sometimes Ollie borderline screams when he sings along with his favorite songs. This was different. It was contemplative, gentle, and warm.

I slowly entered the room and Ollie continued to sing as I sat down on his bed. Ollie smiled at me and stopped his song.

“Hey Buddy, what are you doing?”

“I’m singing…”

“Is this helping you go to sleep?”

“Yes.”

I explained, “There’s different ways to go to sleep. Sometimes we read a book, other times we think about things that we are looking forward to, or people that we love. Sometimes we sing ourselves to sleep. It’s a really nice thing to sing ourselves to sleep, do you want to sing a song with me?”

Ollie nodded yes, and I crawled into bed with him. We sang together our special lullaby, which I sang to him when he was a baby. It’s to the tune of “Edelweiss,” from The Sound Of Music.

Ollie bear, Ollie bear,
You’re my cutey patootey.
You’re a cutey, and a patootey
And I love you soooo much.

You are my beautiful Ollie bear,
and I love you so much.

Ollie bear, Ollie bear,
You’re my special little guy.

Ollie giggled as I sang and joined me for some of the song. “If you want to keep singing when I leave, that’s okay, but don’t sing for too long, you need to get some rest for school tomorrow.”

We gave each other kisses and shared a hug. I told him that I loved him and I walked out his room quietly. I closed his door gently.

I stood there for a moment smiling to myself and after a couple seconds Ollie started singing to himself again, and I walked away into the dark hall with the sound of my special little guy’s voice making our house feel like a home.

Year 10: Week 8 - What I Love

What do you love to do and would perhaps do for free?


Waking my students up.

This past week, I played “If She Leaves Me,” by the Highwomen for my 5th graders. I asked my students to follow along with the lyrics and come up with the story of the song: a two sentence summary of what the song was about.


The first couple responses mentioned love, and one student was fixated on the reference to alcohol (they ARE 5th graders). In all three of my 5th grade classes eventually students started talking about gender. I could see that they were struggling with the fact that the singer, Brandi Carlile sings with a voice that the students identified as a woman and that the narrator was talking about a woman that she loved.

One student carefully asked if this song was about a woman who was in love with another woman, and a student in another class asked, “is this song about a Gay couple?” After each of these comments there was a silence in the room, and I could feel the anticipation as my students waited for my response.

Letting my excitement come through as a warm smile, I said “yes.”

I told them about how The Highwomen believed that everyone should have music and art that reflected their lives and experiences. I have songs that I can listen to that reflect my experience with my partner that I can use to reflect on my love and feel deeper about her. People in same-sex relationships should have the same thing. And I told them that this song is a wonderful story that we can all experience as it talks about themes that relate to all of our lives.

Some students were excited that their suspicions were affirmed, like they cracked some code. Others were clearly still processing this song, and for others the light bulbs inside of them were slowly brightening up into a look of thoughtful realization.

Saying Yes

I spend a lot of time discussing and meeting with other teachers, staff, administrators during my time at school. This sometimes means that my lesson planning is rushed or meals are skipped, but I do it because I love it.

There’s many ways to help other adults in a school, and there’s some ways to work with them to bring power and voice to others through collaboration. One of the most powerful ways to do this is to say, “yes.”

Sometimes saying yes is asking tough questions and finding nuggets of promise and realizations to highlight. Other times saying yes comes after other conversations over time and getting to a place where affirmation feels natural and authentic. Then there are times of spontaneity when saying “yes,” is sharing a joke, or a smile in the hallway,  which is more of an act of empathy than humor.

When I work with others, it makes me see other things and understand more about others and who I am. In a moment earlier this week, I realized a key to being comfortable with disagreement.

I have told my department that agreeing with each other isn’t a priority, but I never quite realized what it took to have this happen in a way that unified more than divided. Then it came it me as I was talking to a teacher: we are okay with disagreement if we understand that those we disagree with have given thought to their opinion, and that there is a common theme and value that is shared.

Parenthood: Week 341 – Feeling Big and Feeling Small

There are times when they seem so big.

Ollie had spent most of the day laying on the couch. He was so sick that when a television show had finished, he lay there in front of a still menu screen not even asking for Diana to put on another show for him. Later we found out that he had strep throat and croup, but at the time all we knew is that he wasn’t okay.

I rushed home from an evening meeting. Diana had already set up a doctor’s appointment for him. I carried him from the couch into the car, and again from the car to the office. His feverish body felt heavier than I imagined, and his legs hung long around my hips. My muscles strained as I carried him, but I was determined to not let him go.

 Some day he was going to be too big to carry, but not today.

He didn’t quite fit as I sat down and he cuddled against my chest. Ollie was not a baby, and while his body awkwardly tried to fit against mine, I was reminded as much as he is still was my special little guy, he wasn’t a baby anymore.

*****

In the darkness, lying next to Ethan, he seems to take over the entire bed. I feel his head cuddle into the nape of my neck, and I reach down trying to find his feet, attempting to prevent him for kicking Diana. His clumsy movements, as he rolls around under and around the covers makes it seem like he’s everywhere at once.

At times when Diana leaves the bed and I push him over to that side of the bed, he somehow manages to fill up more than half the bed. Without fear, knowing he is close to me, Ethan let’s go. He reaches out his arms and spreads his legs feeling free to take up space, knowing that if he reaches out far enough he will fell the touch of one that he loves



Then there are times when they seem so small.

Ollie’s covers, like the underside of a pillow feels cool to the touch when you initially climb under them. So, as I climbed into Ollie’s bed to read to him, I felt his body curl up against mine. His hands curled up under his chin and his entire body snuggled up underneath my arm. Ollie’s body held tight, almost shivering as I started reading and we entered the world of Oz.

As the covers warm up, I feel Ollie’s body relax, but his body remains next to mine as close as it could to mine, and it that moment I hold everything.

*****

“HUGS!!”

Looking down at Ethan with his arms stretched up at me, he screamed wanting me to pick him up. I’m trying to get dinner cooked and he is frustrated that I’m not holding him.  “Hugs please?” I respond. Ethan pauses, and relaxes his face. He puts his arms down, and then he reaches up and says in small voice with a little smile, “hugs please?”

Looking down at this little one, he is seems so small, and as I lift him into my arms, his body works in perfect unison in my arms. We fit together in that moment and I hold him, because sometimes dinner can wait.

Year 10: Week 7 – The Old and The New

This was the week when I started to feel like we were getting into the groove of things. Last weekend we had a three-day weekend. The previous weeks were affected by students being absent because of Jewish Holidays.  While this week wasn’t a full week, things felt more settled.

Now is the time when I’m transitioning from beginning of the year activities to working on units that are going to lead towards events and performances. There isn't stressful, but there is a feeling that I need to more carefully plan my lessons and manage my students time directly.  This is when lesson planning happens by working backwards from an event as opposed to starting from where we are right now.

As I’ve been planning, I take a look at what I did last year, and I work through the process of figuring out what I’m going to do again, what lessons I’m going to put aside, and what I’m going to add.

One of the things that enjoy about teaching is the opportunity to do lessons that I taught before. When I’m able to try something again, year after year, it allows me to focus more on my pedagogy than on the material. Certain “a-ha” moments happen every year. It never gets old hearing students struggle through a song and then after a couple months of work, the students have mastered these songs.

I don’t do everything the same way, because, well, I simply can’t leave well enough alone. It’s a little bit more complex than that. Sometimes I make changes because my curriculum feels stale, or less relevant. I try not to take songs out of my curriculum based on my negative feelings about a song. Sometimes though my negative feelings are because a song lacks depth and relevance. There are songs I have taught every year for a decade and they still feel fresh and are relevant. Great art can sustain repeated teaching, and keep a teacher interested in the curriculum.

Other times I make changes because of opportunities. My 3rd graders now have iPads that they can use in music class. Even though it took a lot of work and one whole music class was pretty much used up with technology issues, I was able to make iPad use work later in the week and I was happy with how things went.

This year the things I’ve decided not to do have been for a couple reasons. I’ve simply run out of time with some classes because they needed more work at the beginning of the year to establish classrooms norms.  Also I’ve dropped some songs that I tried new last year that ended up not working out as well as I thought they would.

Then there’s the new stuff. I taught my students a dance to “September,” because I saw a clip online of another teacher doing it and it looked like fun. The most important addition to my curriculum this fall is a song. It’s one of those special songs that I personally love, works within the music curriculum, and is a wonderful example of social justice. My students have so taken to this song in a way that makes me happy, and almost in disbelief. It’s new part of my curriculum that has taken a lot of work, and I’m taking a chance with this one.  I’m more excited than scared, and I’m looking forward to sharing my love of this song with my students and why it’s so important to music, and their future.

More details later…