Student Teaching Part IX: The Space In My Heart

This is the final part of my student teaching journals, click here for previous entries. 

12/4
The concert day: insanity. The first collage concert went well. There was a run-through. And then we did it. It was rushed and the percussion did not do as well as I thought they were could . The concert band did well and it was really fun to do "Sleigh Ride" with the full band. Mr. S told the parents to come thank me and tons of them did. One parent got me cookies and well, it was really nice having parents come up to me and thank me for everything I had done. Most of the parents comments focused on how the kids liked me and thought I was cool, which isn’t exactly education at its best but it is a good sign. I mean at this age, any positive discussion between parents and kids helps and at least I did that.

Mr. S had an issue with Katie the night before at the rehearsal and she told me to promise that I would never yell at a kid irrationally. Which is something that I really couldn’t promise. I kind of played the sarcasm game too much with her and apologized. I’m glad I’ve built up a relationship with Katie and that she feels comfortable talking to me.

During set-up yesterday Laurie told me I was the only student teacher she was had that she feels comfortable being alone with. That was really nice though it did creep me out about the status of her other student teachers.

I'm going to miss that girl.

12/9
During a break before the basketball game I had a long talk with Megan. It was a really good one on one. She told me that she wanted to be an actor. This is something she has never told anyone before. We talked about her family and her life. She told me how her dad was involved in a Terry Shivo like case and what that meant to her with her dad being unemployed. She is a 2nd generation immigrant like myself. Times like that, just talking for like 45 minutes really make all of the crap worth it. I will miss that.

12/13 
Today was Mr. S’s last day with me. He is going to the Midwest Convention after today and I am left with the band. He had some great parting words for me. He told me to make sure that I get a mentor on my first job and that he will be looking out for me for jobs. It’s amazing that he believes in me. He was very complimentary of me and in the last couple weeks he has been more and more appreciative on my help. I got him some CD’s as a thank you gift. The next couple days will be a lot of work but I’m looking forward to it.

Mr. S really does believe in me more then I believe in myself. It’s amazing that it has almost been 5 months. Things really do fly by. I spent so much time with Mr. S and now it just seems like it’s over and well, it’s sad but I’m just so thankful for the time I’ve had. This has been a great partnership and mentor situation with Mr. S and I wish I could stay for the whole year but I’m also glad I’m moving on. I am so lucky for all that I’ve had and Mr. S has been a great person to work with. He is so critical of other people, the fact that he believes in my abilities meant a lot.

I was the first student teacher in 3 years to make a real connection with the students. He feels that this is important. He says I’m a smart guy with people and can keep things together. Everything has turned out great and I’m looking forward to the next couple days so much.

12/14 
I had one more talk with Katie. It’s interesting and challenging talking to her. I hope that she feels better about things at least. She’s a great kid. Mr. S might be a little hard on her but it’s tough for me to say but anyways, I’m going to miss her.

12/15 
My final words:

Thank you so much for being so honest and open and patient with me. You more then anything else made this experience for the past five months, one of the most meaningful of my life. You’ve not only helped me and made an incredible change in my life but you have also effected future students of mine.

A lot of you have asked me if I will come back and visit. And I don’t know right now. I mean I will have a whole new group of students next quarter and my life, well, I’m not so sure about where things will go. I would love to be there and share in your accomplishments and help you in your struggles but I can’t. But one thing I will tell you is that no matter what,, when you have a great meaningful experience with someone , it creates a space in your heart and you can visit it and can’t help but smile and you have that in my heart.

What Buffy Did During Her Summer Vacation!!!

I TAEK MAH DIANA 2 TEH PARK!!!!

I'S GO 2 FARMERS MARKETS AN SHOP!!!!!

IS STERTCH EVRYDAI!! ITZ VRY IMPORTANTS!!!

IS GO 2 TEH BEACH BUT I DOAN LIEK GETTIN WET!!!!

MAH BEAUTIFUL SHELTIE POINTS R WET!!!!

IZ LISTEN AN WATCH!!!  IZ VRY GUD AN ALERT DAWGGY!!!

IS PULAY WIF KNOT TOY CUZ IS VRY FIERCE PUPPY!!!

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift

Hope is a powerful force.

It can change the course of history and save people’s lives. However, hope can also hold us back.

Diana and I have never broken up and then gotten back together. That was not the case with my high school girlfriend. We probably broke up three of four times for reasons that I cannot bring to mind. The reasons why we got back together, I can’t remember either.

The last time we broke up was right before I left for college. She was staying in the Seattle area and I was moving out to Chicago. We agreed that we would break up and move on with our lives but that we would still be friends.

The problem was that our definition of “friends,” was different. I didn’t want to respond to the daily e-mails and instant messages. She wasn’t getting the hint when I would not respond as quickly with shorter e-mails explaining that I was busy.

When I got to college I let go of any possibility that we would get back together, but she didn’t, she held out hope.

She kept pushing and pushing to be part of my life and as she continued to not get my hints, I became harsher and meaner and in the process, I fear that I broke her heart. I just wanted to move on and as horrible as this sounds, the only that I could do this was telling her over the phone that we would never get back together.

There were tears and these words resonated in a completely different way than the way Taylor sang these same words.



Taylor Swift’s newest single, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” is about the freedom and joy that comes from giving up on any hope that a relationship will come back together.

This song continues the evolution of Taylor Swift’s musical style. She takes different musical elements from her own musical heritage and mixes it with moderm influences to create a fresh and original sounding song that is uniquely Taylor.

The opening guitar lick has two effects thrown in that seems to turn the line around like a sample in a rap song. As soon as that is established she introduces a steady thumping beat. This four on the floor bass drum rhythm comes from country line dancing and can be heard in Springsteen’s “Shackled And Drawn.”



Taylor has already combined very different musical elements, the feel of sample and a the beat and pulls it together with a hook featuring repeated syllables that is reminiscent of “Umbrella” by Rhianna and harmonies in the chorus that sound like something out of a One Direction or Jonas Brother’s song.

All of these different influences and musical ideas combine with Taylor’s unique subject matter. Now does Taylor Swift sound like a woman in her early 20’s? Do girls this age actually sound like this when they talk about relationships? I can’t generalize but I know girls who do and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. I think this song may come across as speaking from more of a teenage perspective because of the sound of the song, but Taylor is singing about relationship relapses that happen just as often with young adults.

All of this adds up to expressing that moment when you finally get over a relationship and are once again excited about the future possibilities. If you break up with someone and keep hoping in the back of your mind that you could get back together with that person then you can never truly move on with your life.

I didn’t learn until later when I was dumped how the loss of hope could hurt but how this pain could lead to the kind of joy that Taylor sings about. I know in my heart that my high school girlfriend got to that place as well. As I telling myself this to make myself feel better about my actions, probably but after twelve years, what else is there, but hope?

Student Teaching Part VIII: Testing Time

This is the eighth entry of my student teaching journals (Part I,  Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V & Part VI, Part VII).


11/8
Right before I started to teach concert band, Mr. Smith the orchestra teachers asked me to switch rooms so he wouldn’t have to move the percussion equipment. He asked me presenting it in a way that if I said no, I would be making a big inconvenience. He asked why I needed to record when so many players were gone, and I told him it was for student teaching stuff. He didn’t want to spend half of the period moving “a lot of percussion equipment including timpani and mallets” but I explained to him that I needed to record the band so I couldn’t.

I found this weird that he hadn’t thought about this earlier and asked Mr. S yesterday about this. He ended up only taking a couple things from the band room like the snare drum and cymbals.

During 6th, he came in and asked me how things went and I told them they went well. He said he was glad to hear that but it wasn’t genuine. Part of me thinks he wanted to hear that I had a bad time because so many players were gone. Right before jazz Bill asked about the whole situation because Mr. S made some comment about, “bashing the student teacher” saying that they couldn’t switch rooms because the student teacher had to record, and from Bill’s description probably in a bitchy way. That’s annoying. I need to talk to Mr. S to see how I should take this. I feel like he was trying to take advantage of the fact Mr. S wasn’t there and that he knew days ago he was going to have this situation but didn’t want to deal with it with Mr. S.

11/14
Monday, nothing too much happened to day. The day went smoothly, Mr. S mentioned that it might be good to confront Mr. Smith about Wednesday. When you do that you let the other person know you aren’t taking that stuff, it makes you look better as the person trying to mend things and it sends a message of maturity.

11/22
Today in concert band we had Sleigh Ride testing. The way this worked is that Mr. S and I figured out spots in the piece that needed to be tested on. The whole band sat in the room and Mr. S would call out section of the piece to play with certain sections. He moved around the band so that no section was sitting there doing nothing for too long.

When it was a sections turn, he would sometimes have them play it once as a section. About two or three people would play an excerpt at a time, if he needed to isolate who was having issues he would have people play alone. The whole band was present so every was listening to everyone else's test. This did put a level of peer pressure on the situation and gave everyone in the band an idea of how everyone else is playing. If people talked Mr. S said he would take points off, so the room was silent while testing was going on.

Mr. S told me later that he doesn’t want kids to get “F’s,” he just wants to get them to learn music. He did stall on some of the testing which gives a lot of kids another day to practice as we finish up testing tomorrow. I mean it’s not fun to humiliate kids who haven’t worked hard, but it’s part of the game and the responsibility of dealing with you own actions.

In Sleigh Ride some of the sections sounded ok as a group but the instant smaller groups of people started playing problems really emerged. It is tedious but I think if it comes from an attitude of getting kids moving and making sure people don’t hide in the section, then I think it’s a good idea. It takes a willingness to do things students don’t like to help them learn which is a hard thing to do but a responsible and necessary step to take to help education students.

A Philsophy Of Music Education

At graduate school I wrote a final paper for my Philosophy Of Music Education class.  To prepare for the school year, I decided to take a look back.  I'm not sure how I feel about all of this now after six years of teaching.  Some things I question (music as a language) and other things are reminders about why I love my job (musical meaning). 

Sometimes in life when trying to follow our passion, we misunderstand what we really love. When I chose to be a composer as an undergraduate at Northwestern, I thought my passion was for composition. I found myself wanting to be challenged more so I picked up a conducting degree my junior year in addition to my composition degree and thought that my real passion was for conducting. The fact of the matter was that what I loved about composition and conducting was the opportunity to empower individuals by helping them develop personal meaning in music. I realized then my love was for teaching. With this, I chose to pursue a master in music education degree to further develop my love for music, teaching and students.

In the past, philosophy seemed like a discipline of thinking about ideas that are interesting and mentally stimulating but not relevant. I now find this is not true at all. Philosophy for music educators changes teaching into an art form. A philosophy of teaching defines the values of a teacher and informs the decisions a teacher makes. Practical experience informs a philosophy creating an evolving set of values. With this set of values, educators can better communicate to others music’s important role in education. Teachers become artist through developing a philosophy that helps them understand, analyze and improve their craft.

Understanding music as a language is central to my approach music education. Music is a language that communicates emotions. Listening and performance are both important parts of music education. Both provide different ways of understanding. Variety in musical understanding needs to be included in the education of students to develop different ways for students to understand and learn music.

Musical meaning is how individuals understand music. People understand music in many different ways influenced by life experience. Musical meaning varies reflecting people’s lives and experiences. Musical meaning evolves as people grow. The goal of music education is to help develop in students more significant musical meaning.

Dancing In The Dark by Bruce Springsteen

As I said goodbye to Allie, I tried to say something honest and real but instead all I could muster was awkward reassurances. Allie was moving away and like any big change in life, the feeling was bittersweet. There was the excitement of new opportunities mixed with letting go of the life that came before.

One of the things about going to a college that attracts people from all over the country is that you become friends with people who in the years after college move away.  My late twenties seemed to be marked with having to say goodbye to friends.

Saying goodbye always feels unfinished. There is never enough time to say what you want. You tell yourself that it doesn’t matter if you get it all out because you'll "be in touch," however that's not always the case.  As easy as a cell phone call or an e-mail can be, sometimes keeping in touch with those we care about fall to the corners of our lives.

While we said our goodbyes the silences between our words were filled with the joyous singing of Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing In The Dark.” Like a guiding spirit, his presence helped me get through that moment and listening to this song afterwards revealed to me feelings I always had but couldn't articulate.



“Dancing In The Dark,” is Springsteen’s most successful single that led to the sales of Born In The U.S.A. This song, packed with 1980s synthesizers feels completely different than the passionate and operatic rock of Born To Run. While people seemed to revel in this song, the happy melody and harmony juxtaposed against the disturbingly dark lyrics like “I want to change my clothes, my hair, my face,” never really made sense to me.

Something changed when I listened to this song and thought about Allie. The lines about the challenges of life seemed to take a back seat to the lyrics about hope:

Message keeps getting clearer . . . 
There’s something happening somewhere. . .
I’ll shake this world off my shoulders, come on baby this laughs on me.

These lines reflect why I admire Allie and why I am proud to be her friend.  While Allie has been blessed with a wonderful life, she has had challenges. When life has knocked her down, Allie gets right back up, and with a smile keeps on.  Never a victim, Allie lives life with the wind on her back and the sun upon her face.

In darkness, like in life there is much to fear.  You can’t predict the future and it’s impossible to truly see what’s around you in the darkness. So you have a choice: you can sit in the darkness petrified by uncertainty or you can stand up and dance.

Allie chooses to dance.

None of this came out as I said goodbye because I didn’t really want to think about what it meant for Allie to move away. Now that I have, I think it’s okay that things were left unfinished. This friendship isn’t ending so why should a goodbye feel complete?

Allie, best of luck in your new place with your new job, I’ll see you in September when Bruce rocks Wrigley.

Student Teaching Part VII - The Writing On The Board

This is the seventh entry of my student teaching journals (Part I,  Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V & Part VI).

10/26
The kids will surprise you some days. Megan came into Mr. S's office and said hi to both of us. And that was really nice for me. It was like she acknowledged that things were ok between us. And for her age and her maturity, I guess that's her saying that she's sorry and that she's not holding what I did against me, which as nice. It's amazing how little things like that can make your day.

10/27
So things are totally cool with Megan. I think in some ways she respects me more and I don't know how she got over what I did, but I guess the thing that bugs me the most is the fact that as a teacher you love and care about all your students. And you like them too and it's tough to be teaching students who don't care about or like you. I don't know how teachers can do this and teach kids and stick with them even though some students may not like them. it really is an amazing thing to think about.

11/4
So Abby, the girl I helped yesterday on the trombone came in and did a mediocre audition. She dropped chairs in the concert band even though she was trying for the symphonic band. Before posting the audition results Mr. S called her in to explain things to her and why she was placed lower. She was pissed and left his office. Later, we noticed someone had written “Mr. S is an Ass” on the white board. There was one other girl who could have done it and she received good news that evening.

It’s amazing. You put all this work and time into these kids. And all the auditions really do take a lot of time and Mr. S does this willingly even though he does not have to. You give up all of this and you are working making personal connections with all of these students. It’s an emotional investment along with the time.

The job is great because you are making real connections and effect kids, the downside is that because you care about each kid it’s harder to leave things like your student calling you an ass at work. He was visibly pissed, like so pissed he was quiet. That’s really tough.

11/7
With the symphonic band Mr. S discussed the writing on the board from Friday. He was very honest in telling how it hurt him and how it made him frustrated. He told them how much he cared about the class and explained that he is not a warm-fuzzy kind of guy but that he did care.

Music is about emotions and sharing in experiences and if you can't share a part of that with your students, it's just not honest. It never hurts to tell kids you care about them. I think if anything the kids appreciated his honesty. I was very impressed that he would open up like that. There's not always the opportunity to do that but if you open up to the kids and be open, they'll love you for it. It's all about honesty, and really having a reason behind everything you do. Mr. S is trying to change their lives for the better. That's an amazing thing to do and a heck of a goal, and it's a beautiful thing to witness.