Year 12 – Week 5: Where They Are At

As I watched the chaos of my 5th grader moving to retrieve a pencil, a worksheet, and a clipboard from the front of my classroom, I was baffled. What was going on? It was a mess.

Some students were up in the front of the room looking lost, other students had made it back to their chairs without the worksheet, and other students were taking far too long picking a pencil out of the pencil box. The fact that all of these pencils were brand new and the same made this delay seem even more ridiculous.

This had never happened before with any of my other 5th grader classes.

This year, talking about students as being “behind” and needing to “catch up” is unproductive and ridiculous. Standards for what measures students learning and success were flawed before the pandemic. Now that we are in the thick of the pandemic, calling students “behind” for not doing what students before the pandemic isn't helping build up out students.

At the same time, I fully understand that students have experienced an atypical school for the past two years and that there are things that they haven’t learned and skills they haven't developed.  Students mustn’t feel bad for not knowing things or now knowing how to do something because they are “behind.” It’s not their fault, and we as teachers need to be sensitive to this.

I expected that the students would have challenges singing. This has been true. They are less comfortable singing in a group, aren’t singing as loud, and are learning songs very slowly. I expected that dancing would need work. This has been true. Simple dance moves have been a challenge for the students, so we’ve had re-teach the basics of walking, patting, and clapping to the beat. Last year in music class, we couldn’t sing, and we couldn’t dance around the room. So, the fact that my students need time to develop these skills was perfectly reasonable.

There have been other ways that my students showed me that they need more support. After a school year where they rarely moved around their classroom, it shouldn’t be a surprise that they would need more explicit directions to gather their classroom materials. However, I didn’t see this coming.

Part of being a teacher this year is giving our students space to show us where they are and what they need. Not having a typical school year for two school years will manifest in ways that we expect and ways that will surprise us. The effects of the pandemic on our students will not be fully understood at least a decade from now.

We have to focus on where our students are, help them grow in meaningful ways, and show them a way forward with a supportive hand. Our students didn’t deserve the last two years of school, but they do deserve our best efforts to embrace and celebrate where they are in their lives and let go of where we think they should be.  Only then will be able to help our students focus on who they want to be, and help make this vision a reality. 

Parenthood: Week 443 – In The Crib With Ollie

When Ollie was a young toddler, he would often lounge in his crib. Unlike Ethan and Lucas, when Ollie would wake up in the morning or from a nap, he would often be content to hang out in his crib. Ethan wanted out of that crib as soon as possible. He would scream at us, and he learned how to climb out of that crib, something Ollie didn't learn how to do. 

Lucas likes his crib more than Ethan, but he doesn't want to miss out on stuff, so he reaches up for us to get him out of the crib. He doesn't seem to mind it that much if I put enough toys and books in his crib.

Some weekend morning Diana and I would wake up to the sound of Ollie talking to himself in his crib. He would sound like he was having a casual conversation with himself, asking himself questions and responding. Of course, as a toddler, sometimes we had no idea what he was talking about. Regardless, his high soft voice softly imitating the contours of conversations is one of my favorite sounds in my life to wake up to.

After a hard day at work, sometimes I would rush home. If I got home early enough, I knew I could be there when Ollie woke up from his afternoon nap.  I would enter his room to find him half-awake or lying in his bed talking to himself.  He would sit up as soon I walked into his, excited to see me.

Exhausted, I would climb up into Ollie's crib and lie down, and he would snuggle on top of me. This was all I needed after the hard days to leave work behind and find myself in the snuggles of my Ollie-bear.

Ollie thought it was so fun when I would be in his crib with him. Sometimes I would put the blanket over the crib's sides to create a tent, and he would giggle, poking at the fabric while sitting on top of me.

In my memory, the afternoons we played in his crib, it was always sunny, and Ollie was always happy in his crib. But I'm sure that when we played when the weather was not good, and I know there were tears in that crib as Ollie struggled to get to sleep or would wake up sick, unsure of the new painful sensation of a fever or a cough.

I tried with Ethan, but he didn't seem to enjoy it when I got in his crib with him. This, combined with the ridiculousness of me going into the crib and the obvious safety issues with a grown man climbing in and laying in a crib, put an end to this.

I asked Ollie if he remembered me climbing into this crib when he was younger, and he said he didn't. Part of me was a little sad that these beautiful memories I have with and not with Ollie. It's interesting to think about how memories we have with our children when they are young are our own. In these memories, we hold something for our children, a gift they have given us that they cannot remember.

The sadness quickly passed as I pulled Ollie close, cuddling with him in his twin-sized bed. Will he remember this moment? Maybe, Maybe not.  Either it's okay. 

I will.

I have to say that I'm proud to know you
And I'll never be the same because we met
You might not miss this. I will.

Year 12 – Week 4: Goal-Setting

These are excerpts from a goal-setting document I created as part of my teacher evaluation process.

When I think about these challenging times, the needs of our society and the needs of our students intersect and influence my work greatly at this school. Our school's mission focuses on the student's growth and empowering students to have a meaningful and positive effect on society. As trauma and uncertainty permeate every aspect of our lives, our mission which has always been relevant feels more meaningful than ever.

In my curriculum, I am focusing on learning in two different ways:

1. Work with students on skill-building work that engenders improvement that students can sense in class and over time. I need to rebuild music class needs so that students feel the satisfaction of learning and community joy. More than ever, they need to be shown examples of how they can learn and celebrate together the wonder of learning.

2. I am creating curricular experiences in which students feel the intangible joy of making music together. Through applying skills to songs, students can feel what it means to create as a group once again, see each other as having a role in their positive feelings, and feel empowered to bring joy into their own lives.

To provide comfort and predictability in uncertain times, I have focused on creating routines and structures in my pedagogy. This is not a time for surprises in class. While making students uncomfortable in safe ways to help them grow is important, I am setting up the class so they know that these moments are coming and giving them the space to process these feelings.

*****

The concepts of intellectual curiosity, cultural competency, and growth mindset are important tools to help support goals in our school. However, when I think about how they are related to DEI, SEL, and Citizenship, it is hard to separate these connections as I see them as all being related.

One of the primary goals of this school that has come to the forefront of my mind during the pandemic is the mental and physical health of our students. Nurturing students' curiosity, letting their wonders about the world contributes to SEL, and to their mood and positive self-image. Cultural competency gives students the tools to explore the diversity of others in a safe, kind, and respectful way. With less anxiety and less negativity, students can see differences as bringing light into their lives and feel more optimistic about the facets of their own identity.

As a teacher, I am working to give students space to process, think about their feelings, and state the unspoken tensions and achievements so that students feel less alone in their emotions. When we are open about emotions in the classroom, give students space to wonder and grow. We are letting them know that they are seen and that they are valued. When students feel seen, they more authentically see others and feel empowered to take chances that lead to growth.

*****

Positive relationships are at the core of our success as a school, and they are one of my favorite parts of my job. It has been a joy getting to know new administrators, staff, and teachers. I have prioritized connecting and supporting new their work as their success is all of our success. In passing on knowledge and providing support, I am also feeling growth through reflecting on what can be through my expression of what is.

Every new school year brings a new group of students and families that I have the privilege of getting to know. It starts with learning names and letting them learn about me as a teacher and person. It's a relationship built on respect, not authority. These students are people, first and foremost, not any less than me because of their age.

Parenthood: Week 442 – Closer but not back to "normal"

The pandemic continues.

People are still dying at an alarming rate from COVID-19 in our country abroad. Vaccinations rates are unacceptably low because almost every part of daily life has changed because of the pandemic.

There was a moment last summer when unvaccinated people were told that they no longer needed to wear masks in public when it seemed like we were moving on, but that moment was fleeting. Thinking back on that moment, it almost seems like something I imagined.

We are very much learning to live with this pandemic. We didn't hesitate to go on our fall outing. Apple picking went fun, we went to a college football game for the first time since the pandemic hit, and we have tickets to a Halloween pumpkin event.

My wife and I are vaccinated, and while our children are not, these outdoor activities are low risk.

Most of the time, the children wear masks without too much drama. However, Ethan was having issues wearing a mask in the grocery store a couple of days ago. He wanted to suck his thumb, which he couldn't do with his mask. So I let him do it and kept the mask nearby. We were keeping our distance from other people. Maybe I should have pushed him harder at that moment to put his mask back on, but at the moment, it didn't seem worth it.

School is complicated.

Our children are all at the same school for the first time. There are so many wonderful things about this. One drop-off, one pick-up, at a school that proved they could handle the pandemic with safe in-person school last year while providing an excellent education is very special.

The challenge this year is how do we handle when our children get sick. Thankfully none of my children have tested positive for COVID-19, but they have had some minor illnesses that required that they stay home from school.

When one child is sick with certain symptoms, the other two children can't go to school until the ill child gets a straightforward COVID-19 test. And since COVID-19 tests can take up to forty-eight hours, we have days where all of my children are home while they are pretty much healthy. Diana has taken days off of work to make this work, and so have I.

This is stressful and challenging, but we are doing the best we can to make the best out of these "days off."

Even wearing masks, social distancing, washing hands, colds, and minor viruses is part of life. I feel this part of living with COVID-19 is that I will be taking more days off than in a typical year to stay with my children, who are waiting for COVID-19 tests.

So much about this school year is better than last year's, but there is still so much wrong, challenging, and stressful.

We have a life to live for and with our children, and we will make this work.

Year 12 – Week 3: Looking Back Together In Song

"They don't know my head is a mess."

It was a last-second idea.

The assembly was for grades 4 and 5, which are both graders I teach. I had started the school year teaching them the same song, "Don't Look Back In Anger." I chose this song because I wanted the students to learn a song that felt easy to sing, was catchy and felt like a sing-along. Also, I liked the theme of forgiveness and letting go in the lyrics.  With all that has been going on in the world, I felt like my students needed this song. I know that I did.



I taught this song thinking that we would do a large group sing-along at some point, and I wanted to have something ready to go. I didn't expect that this opportunity would come so soon.

The students enjoyed learning this song in class. I could tell by the way they left the classroom humming and singing this song to themselves. That's always a good sign that kids like a song. They had gotten better at the song, and even though they didn't know it well enough to perform it, they knew it well enough to participate in a sing-along.

Maybe.

So I emailed the principal who was organizing the assembly and asked if we could do a song at the end of the assembly, and he enthusiastically replied, "yes, please."

Teaching singing has been a joy this year and a challenge. After a year where students were told they couldn't sing because it wasn't safe, I had to try to get them comfortable singing in class. This is a challenge in a "normal" but even more so this year. Mask hinders jaw movement and hides the movements of lips. It is helpful for me to see student's lips move as we are learning a song.  Many students softly sing when they are first learning a song, and seeing their lips move is a way to tell if they are working along with the class when I can't hear them.

I'm still unsure of the best way to adjust my teaching to deal with singing with masks, but I'm not frustrated with this issue. On the contrary, I'm more joyful and encouraged by every class. I hear more students sing louder and louder. It's a great feeling.

Even though I didn't have a very high level of confidence that this sing-along would go well, I pushed ahead.  I wondered if having the students sing along with the recording would make it less risky, but I decided against that. Students wouldn't participate as well as if it was just me and a guitar.

After a year and a half of not teaching singing (and not singing much myself) or playing the guitar, I was a mess on stage. I had noticed how out of shape I was in class.   I was missing guitar chords that should not have been a big deal, and sometimes I struggled to keep my right steady. Also, my voice is not in shape. Usually, I can sing full voice to G sharp or A before switching to head voice.  Right now, I'm at around an F before I need to flip.  It's been over a decade since my voice has been this out of shape. All of this was only worse on stage.

When my hands failed me on guitar playing a song that I've known how to play for a quarter of a century, I just stopped playing, and when my voice struggled to hit high notes, I stepped away from the mic and motioned to the students to sing louder. And even though they were spread out around the auditorium and were all wearing masks, I could hear that we were singing together.  For the first time in a year and a half, a community of students sang together in the auditorium.

All of us are a mess right now. The pandemic isn't over, and we are all struggling in different ways, and that's okay.  Even when we don't get it all together, it's important to remember that we can still do good work, find joy in the community, and still make magic happen with our students.

Parenthood: Week 441 – 9/20/21

Lucas is starting to be able to move faster. He's at the edge of running. It's like a shuffle or a jog at this point. When he's doing it, you can tell that he's working really hard. More often than not, he looks pleased with his locomotion and sometimes makes little happy grunting sounds.

When he walks fast, he holds his left arm at his side with his forearm at a right angle like he's about to reach out to shake someone's hand. Then he lets his right arm loose, so it waves behind him as he moves. It's adorable.

Lucas earlier today slid off the couch head first. I panicked for a second, but he giggled the whole time with his head on the ground and his feet still on the couch. Currently, when we go to the playground, he's more adventurous than Ethan, going down large slides and trying to climb whatever he comes across.

Ethan came into bed to cuddle with me a couple of times last week in the middle of the night. Most of the time, he climbs in bed. I cuddle with him for ten minutes and then carry him back to his bed. After that, he settles back into his bed without any issue. Sometimes it's annoying, but at this point, I don't really mind. I haven't been sleeping very well for the past month because of some physical issues, so it's not messing with my sleep.

The other day I asked Ethan about this:

Me: Honey-bear, if you let daddy sleep more, I'll have more energy to play with you.

Ethan: I want to give you hugs.

Me: Well, I don't get as much sleep when you come into my bed and cuddle.

Ethan: I'm helping you sleep by giving you hugs!

Me: No, you aren't, but it's ok. Come here and give me a hug!

Ollie heard about Pokémon from someone at school. So I got him a Pokémon book. It was an excruciating process, but I did read that whole book to him. It had 800 entrees. A different friend gave him some Pokémon cards. They sat in a drawer, and recently he started looking at them again. I asked him if he wanted to learn how to play the game, so I bought two duel battle decks to teach him how to play.

I grew up playing collectible card games, so I caught on pretty quickly. We've been through a lot of fun together. First, it was Candyland, then eventually Chess, and Chinese Chess, and it's wonderful to arrive at Pokémon. Unlike reading the book, I genuinely enjoy playing this game, and I'm impressed with how quickly Ollie is learning the strategy and the details of the game.

Year 12 – Week 2: What I Need

This year I’ve been much more deliberate in how I structure lessons. For the first couple of weeks, I’m planning on basically doing the same lesson with some slight variations.

My students haven’t had music in a music classroom for a year and a half. So I felt that I needed to establish a level of comfort and routine in this space. Students spend so much time and energy at the beginning of the school year figuring out power dynamics and unspoken rules. This work is difficult and taxing, which is why so many children at the beginning of the school year come home drained and exhausted.

With an atypical year, with masks and social distancing in place, students need a feeling of routine and predictability to comfort them while navigating a school. The stresses and anxiety of the world are felt by our students from their parents and society as a whole. Children are strong, but they are also venerable, and they are suffering. Some of this trauma we can see and address, but much of it will not come until years from now.

So they need structures to bring them comfort.

And so do I.

At the end of my first full week of teaching, I felt better than I thought I did. The week went by quickly. Generally, I felt prepared throughout the week. However, it has become clear that I need the structure I built into my lessons as much as my students do.

I am teaching in three different classrooms, learning my  new schedule, and teaching, 7th grade, which  I haven’t taught in over a decade. There is significant uncertainty around performances and events. New faculty and administrators encourage me to do the joyful work of getting to know new people and require me to evolve my working style.

I sit at my desk during my prep time, checking my schedule every five minutes, unsure when my next class is starting. There are moments I sit silent, not moving, not sure what to do next, overwhelmed by my work. It’s comforting to have a routine to lean on during my classes, as much else feels unsettled.

Sometimes what our students need the most is precisely what we need as teachers. When things are so difficult for students and teachers, we need to seek out things in class that make us all feel more connected, more seen, and more valued.

This starts with a clear lesson structure, which lowers students' anxiety and gives me the space to focus more on who I am teaching than what I am teaching. 

What do I need as a teacher?  I will ponder this question deeper as I work with my students and continue to do for myself as I do for my students.