Year 13: Week 23 - Back To Beginning Band

Last week, my 6th-grade and 7th-grade band had their first performance. This was a big deal. Any first band performance is an event. Students start learning instruments at the beginning of the school year, making sounds that only a band teacher can tolerate. Then after only a couple of short months, they are making music. It’s a miraculous process that happens year after year worldwide, or at least it did. 

But these perfromances felt different.

The pandemic put a hold on band programs. When schools shut down in March 2020, bands went remote like all other school programs. Remote learning had different effects on different academic subjects, but it was devastating to concert bands. The primary way to learn how to play in a band is to play in a band in person; nothing online could replace this.

When the fall of 2020 came, many schools were remote. Some of these schools didn’t offer band, and ones that did had teachers struggling to begin instruments remotely. This was very difficult, and while some teachers found success, the progress in remote learning on the band was a shadow of what in-person instruction would be like.

Then there were the schools like my school that were in-person but did not allow band as part of COVID-19 mitigations. This meant that the 6th graders that year didn’t have a band. Then in the fall of 2021, 7th graders were allowed to start a band, but 6th graders weren’t. And finally, this year, we had a band for all middle school students, meaning we had a beginning 6th-grade and a beginning 7th-grade band.

Starting two beginning bands this year has been exciting, but it’s also been challenging. Not surprisingly, less 7th graders wanted to try something new and different and be in a band more than 6th graders. The fact that the band was perceived as dangerous during the early parts of the pandemic cast a shadow in some people’s minds about band instruments which hurt enthusiasm.

We have had a lot of success, and it’s really important that they can perform for the community, however people in the community really needs to watch two beginning band performances. So I planned two daytime afternoon presentations, one for the 6th-grade band and one for the 7th-grade band. I invited our elementary school classes for each presentation, had a couple of classes come, and then band student families were invited.

Each band played a couple of pieces together, and I also was able to feature students playing solos and doing small ensemble work. This was an excellent way to differentiate and give students the opportunity to perform differently.

Like so many things coming out of the pandemic, these presentations felt like doing something for the first time, even though I had done these performances before the pandemic. There was a feeling of uncertainty. Maybe something changed because of the pandemic; perhaps something broke that we couldn’t fix. However, things went great and proved that music persists, and there are some things the pandemic could not take away from us.

Parenthood: Week 512 - Expert on Vaca?

After taking my children on trips for the better part of the last decade, I've come to some conclusions. First, no matter how well-prepared I am, vacations are challenging. Second, while taking children on trips can be a pain, they have always been worth it. And finally, I am really good at taking kids on vacation. 

It's tough to take kids on trips. Every time we prepared for vacation, we were barely ready. Prepping the house includes cleaning out the refrigeration, cleaning the house, and doing dishes. We did make a couple of trips with Buffy and Ollie when Ollie was a baby, but now that Buffy is older and we have more kids, we don't take Buffy on trips with us. Because of this, we must prepare Buffy to stay with someone else, which takes work.

Then there is packing. It's not a big deal to pack for myself, but packing for the kids is a lot. We have to consider their needs as they don't think through packing themselves. Ollie, our oldest, can do some packing himself but, like Lucas, who is three, cannot comprehend packing or physically do it.

If all we had to pack for our children were clothing, it would still be a lot of work, but there is so much more. We have to pack diapers, wipes, snacks, coloring books, medicine, Aquaphor, toiletries, water bottles, books, and a stroller, among other things. Then there is the technology. Ollie has his Nintendo Switch, and we have two iPads for my other sons. There is work in this prep making sure whatever games or videos they want to play or watch are downloaded and ready to go and that everything is charged. Also, we have to pack headphones.

Packing snacks are essential. Food is a primary way of keeping kids in good moods when traveling—often, when things aren't going well, it's because kids are hungry. However, getting the proper selection of snacks is tricky, and having enough is important, as they take up a lot of space.

Preparing to travel means that almost all of the time, my wife and I stay up late the night before we travel. Getting four or five hours of sleep the night before taking a plane flight is common for us, which compounds the difficulty and anxiety of traveling.

Many little things make traveling with children difficult, and over the years, I've figured out how to manage these things, but that doesn't make it easy. For example, let's take car seats. After traveling with a car seat once, I decided it wasn't worth the hassle of carrying one to the airport, checking it, and carrying it around the airport after. So now we just rent car seats when we rent cars. Yes, this is easier, but getting a car seat in front of the rental car company and installing it is still a process that takes a lot of time.

This is what the experience of traveling with children gets you: the more you do it, the more you learn, and while things are easier, it's never easy. The most significant change over the years has been expectations setting. Things will go wrong when you travel with children. You will need to remember something, and there will be issues. Accepting this as a feature helps you see the tough moments, not as failures, and see the good and the joy of getting away with the little ones.

Year 13: Week 22 - Legacy

"What do you want to be your legacy?" 

I was stunned and speechless when my colleague asked me this question. I wasn't surprised that she could quiet me, but the question made me think about myself in a way I wasn't prepared.

At this school, I am rarely asked something that I don't have a quick response. My brain loves the conversations at my school and the challenges of discourse in my role as a teacher and a school leader. However, things are different when I'm with this colleague.

She is one of the few people at this school who can see through my armor and the facade I put up in different spaces and situations at this school. People ask me, "how are you?" Most of the time, I say, "I'm fine," and the exchange is over. But, when she asks me how I'm doing, regardless of my answer, she can see the truth, my complicated feelings, and the thoughts behind my eyes.

We were in her office working through some administrative issues, and she asked me about my legacy as we worked things out. I was unsure how to answer this question because no one had ever asked me to think about my legacy at this school. This is a question I hadn't asked myself.

I'm like the anti-Hamiton. Legacy is rarely on my mind. While I think about the future, I'm just not a person who thinks about what I leave behind or what people will think about me when I'm gone. I move into and through my work as an educator not focused on myself but focused on others. Over the years, I've learned how to allow myself to focus on my joy and interest in my work, which has been rewarding. However, I continue not to think about the long-lasting effects on my school and my world. I guess I see meaning in what I do now, and I don't look for what I may leave behind to bring meaning to my life.

What hit me when she asked me about my legacy is that whether I like it or not, I am creating a legacy in all my choices for others and myself. I should think about my legacy and control it. This can be and should be part of what I consider and think about because it can bring meaning and purpose to my actions.

After thinking about her question for a couple of days, I still don't have to know what I want my legacy to be. I do know some things: I want parts of my work to continue. 

I want people to think of me and smile, and I want the spirit of my work to be passed down. I want people not to need me. I say that because the people of my school who have meant the most to me as a teacher do not linger like ghosts. I feel their strength and inspiration more than their lack of presence. 

Most of all, I want people I have worked through to move with more strength because of what I did for them and feel motivated and inspired by what I did for them to do for others.

Parenthood: Week 511 - One Night

Diana got tickets without a lot of notice. It was a production of Matilda, the musical, done at Northwestern University. She got tickets the day before, and I didn't think much about it, but part of me didn't feel up for it. I had been working through a cold and had a lot of stuff to do at work. However, this performance was only a 5-10 minute drive away, and it was an affordable price. 

Ollie liked ˆ when Diana read it to him a couple of years ago, and Diana was currently reading this book to Ethan, so going to this show was a great idea. Matilda was one of my favorite books as a child. I was fascinated by the child abuse in Matilda's home and at school and how children persevered, reacted, and overcame these challenges.

Initially, we planned to take Ollie and Ethan, but then Ethan irrationally resisted coming with us, and we decided not to fight it. So Ethan stayed home with Lucas and grandma, and we took Olie to the show.

We got to show up late, it was cold, and we were in the very last row of the auditorium. However, once the show started, Ollie was transfixed. He sat up straight for the entirety of the first half, his head looking out at the stage. When intermission came, Diana suggested that we go home. Ollie said he wanted to stay, so she took a car service back home while Ollie and I stayed.

Maybe it was because I was tired, or the show dragged, but I fell asleep for a chunk of the show's second half. Ollie didn't. 

The show was two hours and forty-five minutes, and he sat up straight and paid attention the entire time. I was amazed and so proud of Ollie. Proud that he had the maturity to attend a musical for so long and proud that he, like myself, appreciated musical theater. I told him this as we went home on the dark winter night.

We got home late, and the two younger brothers were asleep. I looked at the block, and it was 10:40. Ollie got to bed, and I started winding down myself. Then Lucas threw up. Over the next two hours, we went through a cycle. Lucas would throw up, Diana would change him and comfort him, and I would change and clean his bedding. Finally, Lucas would settle down, get tired, and almost fall asleep, Diana would put him back in his bed, and then he would throw up again.

This happened three or four times. I'm not sure. All I know is that we went through every extra sheet in our house and pillows. At some point, I took a pillow off Ollie's bed (he has two) to give to Lucas because we didn't have any other clean ones.

By the time Lucas settled in for the night, it was 12:45. I had scrubbed through sheets and clothes, Diana had comforted Lucas through the night, and we were finally done.

One night was full of some beautiful things and some challenging things.

Then the following day, we got up and did it again. I knew there were challenges ahead and possibly some wonderful moments, but it would be a unique day full of ups and downs, as every day is as a parent.

Year 13: Week 21 - Calm & Peace

I was borderline. 

I got a cold from my youngest son earlier in the week. I took a day off when it first hit me. I’m glad I did. My symptoms weren’t debilitating, but they were significant. I was better the next day, so I did go to school.

I was feeling a lot better, but I was tired, and I didn’t have much of a speaking voice. I considered doing a less active lesson with my 3rd graders that day. They have independent work they can do, which I don’t have to teach as actively.

Part of growing as a teacher is how I create more space for my students to explore independently. More traditional music teaching has the teacher actively leading the students for the entire class. On the other hand, more progressive and innovative teaching has the students do more projects. In the early parts of the pandemic, this teaching became necessary as we weren’t allowed to have students sing or play instruments. I found that aspects of this type of instruction and curriculum were rewarding for the students and me.

As my 3rd graders came into my classroom, they were so excited about music, and I figured I’d lean in and do more active teaching. I figured I could always pull back and switch gears if I wasn’t feeling it.

So I taught a recorder lesson. It was only our second or third week on the recorder, and it was going well. Teaching the recorder is tricky. It can be a lot of fun, but the classroom management piece of it is really hard. Students want to explore the instrument, which is great; however, they can’t effectively do this when other students are playing because it can be really hard to hear themselves. So students will try to play in quieter moments, like during instruction, which leads to me constantly feeling like I’m playing “whack-a-mole,” telling students to stop playing.

I haven’t been mean in the last few classes, but I’ve been very direct and quick about giving students feedback so they understand how to work when doing a recorder lesson. At times this may have come off as a little harsh, but I did remind my students that I was doing that to help them by being very clear about my expectations.

I didn’t have that energy today, but I decided to go for it. I passed out the recorders, I gave them some reminders, and we got to work. I sat back in my chair and looked at them playing, and then I put my hand up, they stopped playing, and we got to work. All I felt I could be was calm. I smiled softly at them while we worked; they matched my mood and energy. I was surprised at how well things worked with me being so chill. For some reason, I expected them to need me to be louder and more energetic, but they were fine. So I did the same thing for the following two classes and had a great morning teaching.

Sometimes things click with a group of children. It’s not always clear why, but when it does, teaching is a lot of fun. Being more calm invites students to do the same, think carefully, and create a moment with me where we can all learn in peace.

Parenthood: Week 510 - Not So Wide Open Spaces

When Buffy was a younger dog, she’d get the “zoomies.” She would randomly run at full speed across the room, often without warning and without provocation. Who knew that children did the same thing?

There are a lot of things that my children like to do together. One of their favorites is to chase other in circles around the house and laugh with great joy. Sometimes, one of them catches the other one, and they fall and wrestle around. Sometimes the laughter sounds like crying, and I ask, “is everyone okay?” And then there will be a pause, and I’ll hear a “yes.” But, unfortunately, there are times when this running around ends with someone hurting someone or running into something.

Yes, I get it. Kids have energy and a desire to be physical. Unfortunately, in the dark and cold winter, we can’t do that outside much, so this type of play gets moved inside. We are blessed with a comfortable home, but we don’t really have enough space for our children to run around and wrestle.

We try our best to keep a lid on it, but there are times when we are too tired, and they have too much energy, so we just sit, let them run around, and hope that someone doesn’t get hurt. 

Over the years, I’ve seen how some boys have a very narrow way of interacting and socializing. For example, some males only interact through playing sports, making fun of each other, or being goofy. In addition, the often limiting definitions of masculinity make some boys uncomfortable interacting in different positive ways of bonding, like talking about their emotions or playing music together.

I try to encourage my sons to read or do art projects together, and once I do find that they enjoy spending time together in these ways. But, sometimes, it just seems like they forget that these are ways to be with each other and that their default is to run around and be goofy.

One of my hopes for my children is that they see many ways they can be for themselves and each other. There is beauty in having many interests, and that masculinity should not empower boys to feel confident doing what they enjoy regardless of stereotypes and gender roles.

The only way to make progress in this way is to be deliberate. Surrounding my children with different kinds of books and activities sends a very important message. Also, be aware of culturally what my children consume throughout the day. My oldest son likes watching Ninjago, an action-adventure cartoon. I don’t give him any resistance when he watches this. And when I watch television with him, I’ll put on a Julia Child cooking video, or a performance by The Temptations, so that he sees the wonder and greatness in many different things. Hopefully, this will translate into him seeing and valuing different facets of his personality.

It will be cold, dark, and gross outside for at least another month. So we’ll have more screaming and chasing in the house. And hopefully, we will also have a great time doing other activities together that are a little quieter.

Year 13: Week 20 - Pride

Maybe the solution was that I just needed to say it out loud. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm underappreciated at my school. I put on a performance and sit there after waiting and hoping for something to validate my work. Logically I know this is silly since the focus is on the students, and without fail, someone will email me and tell me I did a good job. However, the feeling persists.

My school, like other communities, needs to work on showing appreciation for each other and not taking its members' talents, hard work, and commitment for granted. At the same time, I know that I can't wait and hope for other people's approval. I need to be doing work and making choices that make me feel proud regardless of what others think or say. And I think I've figured out a way to get there.

I've started telling people lately that I'm good at specific parts of my job. At first, I felt unsure of expressing confidence about my work to others but knowing that they backed it up with concrete examples made them think more about sharing their pride and less about being braggadocious. When I tell people I'm good at something, it sometimes gets them to lean into what I say. At other times, I find that my confidence puts people at ease and lowers anxiety.

Something else is happening as I've been vocalizing things about my work that I'm good at and bringing up examples of my success to others: I'm feeling more proud of myself.

People's words of support and their affirmations have felt insufficient because they aren't paired with my voice telling me I'm doing a good job. There's a gap between people's kind words and my feeling for them. The way to bridge this gap is to say these things out loud. Because now that I'm being more kind and supportive to myself, the affirmations of others feel more real and more valid.

In the past, I felt I needed to be humble. This may be a cultural value or my insecurities taking over, but I'm humble enough. And I'm not going to become the type of guy I don't want to be who spends time expressing their insecurities by bragging about every part of their life, revealing their shallowness more than their accomplishments.

I wonder about my students. They have so much to be proud of, and I tell them I am proud of them, but I wonder if it's sinking in. Do they feel they are proud of themselves? Are they saying to others out loud things that they are good at? I'll help them work on this.

Something is shifting.

The problems and crises I faced this week felt more like adventures than burdens because I've told myself that I can handle this. I kept my department strong and contributed directly to the success of my school during the early COVID-19 pandemic, one of the greatest challenges in education in American history. I did a great job as a leader through that crisis.

I'm good at my job, and now that I'm starting to tell other people this, I'm beginning to believe it and feel proud of that fact.