Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The Third Trimester

You know you’ve reached the third trimester of your wife’s pregnancy when a Superman trailer makes you cry.

After reading Superman comics my entire life, I never thought about how incomprehensibly difficult it was for Jor-El to send his son to earth and the challenge of Superman's earth father in raising an adopted child.  Seriously, this trailer gets to me every time.

The third trimester has the feeling of a continued "hurry up and wait."  There are times when I feel like the baby could come at any moment.  Everyday things like getting a haircut become questions of timing: "What if I need to leave this haircut because Diana goes into labor?"  So you rush to prepare some things and then . . . nothing happens.

The closer the due date got, the more I got used to this feeling of uncertainty.  To a certain extent you just have to live your life normally.  Most of the time this works, but every time my phone vibrates in my pocket, part of me starts panicking making me realize that my life has completely changed.

I still am doing good stuff at my job and I'm still keeping my hobbies like this blog and running going, but all of it seems to be simply activities that I'm doing to pass the time before my baby comes.  It's not that these things aren't significant, they just don't seem as central to my life right now.

Just because my son hasn't been born doesn't mean he isn't with us.  I gave Diana a mother's day gift because in my eyes she's already a mom.  He's been with us for most of the past year.  As much as I know it'll be different to finally hold him in my arms, we have a son right now and he has already brought so much joy into our lives.

Facing the coming of a baby forces your life into perspective.  You think about yourself as a child and then you think about your parents and how you will fit that role.  The beginning of your relationship with your partner comes to mind as you remember that moment when you decided that there really is something there that makes this relationship worth pursuing.

In the present you have to make choices of what to do with your time as the minutes go by faster and your responsibilities heighten.  Your thoughts about the future weaves through your memories as your past transforms into hopes for the future.

While most of the time these thoughts and memories are flowing through my head, every once in a while there's clarity, a silence.  In that moment, there is simply emotion.  It's not an image, but a feeling of meaning, peace and contentment.  It's like everything in my past and everything I hope for my future is right.

Son, thanks for changing my life, bringing light into my heart and being the peace at my center.

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