Many Americans enjoy the benefits of affinity groups. Men and women often socialize in single gender-identified groups. For example, it’s not uncommon for men to socialize in places like bars which are almost exclusive occupied by straight cis-gendered men. Sports create opportunities for affinity while watching a football game with a group of people who are also Chicago Bears fans. Bruce Springsteen fans finds affinity spaces during Springsteen concerts, Catholics find affinity spaces in church, and if you really love cars, you got your affinity space in car shows.
People getting together with other people who share a facet of their identity is something that happens all of the time in our society. So why do we need to create affinity spaces in schools and why are other people uncomfortable with affinity groups?
This is on my mind as my school is moving forward to start an Asian-American Affinity group at the middle school level, and my experience being the part of a conference that was for leaders of color in school, which was a whole day experience I shared with educators of color.
Having experience racial affinity spaces formally and creating informal affinity spaces like a group of dads that I socialized with, I know the positivity and affirmation that come from time with people who share meaningful facets of my identity. The reason that specific effort has to happen to make these groups is because they do not as easily occur as other affinity spaces.
If you do not have mirrors for part of your identity, the positive feelings that you have about that part of yourself can be difficult to nurture. If you are a Cubs fan, and live in a city where no one else is a Cubs fan, your identity as a Cubs fan can feel isolating. No, being a Cubs fan is not exactly the same as racial identity, but since sports metaphors are the American way, I figured I’d give one a try.
I’m not going to go into all of the reasons that gender, sexual and gender-based affinity groups are important but I do want to clear up some misunderstandings. People of color don’t spend all of their time in affinity spaces complaining about White people. We don’t need affinity spaces because all of the White people we work with are racist and it’s not unfair that you don’t have your own White affinity group.
One of the things I’ve learned in life is that you don’t have to completely understand what brings someone meaningful and affirmation in order to support it. I don’t completely understand why my wife found meaning in a breast-feeding support. I get it intellectually, but I will never fully understand on an emotional level what that group meant to her because I will never nurse a baby. What I do understand is that every time she went to that group she would be in a good mood for the rest of the day and she has made some of her best friends through that group. This is why I always supported her going, not because I got “it,” but because she told me it meant something to her.
When people of color, or other oppressed minorities find meaning in affinity spaces or groups, and you don’t get why they need these spaces. That’s okay. You don’t need to understand in order to support your co-workers, your friends and your family members. Take their word for it. It’s not a pie. If they have these spaces it doesn’t mean that you will have less in your life. In fact, you will have more. Affinity spaces allow people to build their self-image, feel better about their own identity, and in general be more fulfilled as a human being. Trust me, this will make your life better and trust them when they say they need these spaces. You getting “it” is helpful, but not as important and them getting theirs.
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