So I didn’t teach last week, and I’m not going to be teaching for about another four weeks.
The original plan was that I would work up until my 3rd child’s due date this past Friday, the baby would come and I would peace out, and my paternity sub would jump in. Lucas didn’t get the memo, so he came last Sunday early in the morning…and I mean EARLY morning. This meant that my paternity leave started four days early.
Friday afternoon I had the feeling that I should tidy up my desk. After I cleared my desk off, I remember pausing for a moment. I had this feeling that I wasn’t going to be back for a while, and then I shook that feeling off and went home.
The week before the baby came was really hard. On top of doing the work that I needed to do to get by day by day, I was furiously trying to plan for being away. That was really difficult, because this past week and next week were two of the trickiest weeks of teaching. Next week is our annual JK-5th grade winter performance, and last week was critical time to prepare for this performance. AND our band concert is right after winter break so this is also a very important time for my 6th grade and my 8th grade band.
The idea of being away and having a paternity substitute jump in right before a performance, prepare for it, and then lead it, is…well, it’s taken a lot of to process all of this.
When we first found out Lucas’ due date, all I could do was laugh. It was a horrible time to be away because I would miss this performance, but it was in a humorous way, the best time to be away because I wouldn’t have to deal with the work and the stress of the winter performance.
Lucas is my third kid so I knew that there was no way I wouldn’t take time. Then my brain moved on to accepting whatever was going to come and prepare the best that I could. I big question mark was my paternity sub. If they were going to be awesome then I could basically aim for the sub to do what I would do, if not, I would have to figure something out that was easier to put together.
At some point in the fall I decided that I was going to plan for the best situation, and plan as if I wasn’t leaving. I could have repeated songs, I could have made simpler arrangements, and I could have pre-taught these songs much earlier in the curriculum, but I didn’t.
I had an idea of who my sub was going to be, and I was really excited for the possibility that he would work with my students when I was away. So, I had him do some things with some of my students as a guest teacher and hoped for the best.
The moment came was he was approved as my sub and I felt a huge wave of relief. We met soon after and went over all of my ideas and plans.
I’ve been busy with my family, however my mind has traveled to what is going on to school. I know I could check it, but I’ve resisted that urge. To honor my family and time with them, I need to stay focused at home, and to respect my paternity sub’s work and give him space to be successful, he needs space, and freedom to make things work.
I'm sad that I'm missing things at school, and I'm also so happy that I have time with my family right now. It's the right decision to be away from my students, but that doesn't mean that part of me doesn't wish that I could have it all. And then the night comes. When I feel the presence of my three sleeping children, Diana, and Buffy, I do feel like I have it all.
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