Parenthood: Week 414 – Three Stages Of Tantrums

Lucas is starting to have mini-tantrums which are super cute. In the past, when I’ve taken away an object from him that he shouldn’t have, like an iPhone or a small toy, he didn’t seem to care. ­Now when I do this, he gives out a little squeal and reaches for it. Lucas calms down pretty quickly after I hug him or offer him a different toy in exchange.

This also happens when I have to relocate him. In the past, if he were crawling towards an electrical outlet, I would pick him up and turn him around, and he would continue moving forward away from the outlet.

Now, a little toddler, when I move him away from the stairs and close the baby gate so he can’t climb up them, his little arms and legs flail about in protest. A little scream sometimes accompanies this as he paws at the baby gate.

All of this is a positive sign of his development, and it’s fun to see how he is making stronger connections to the world around him and expressing to me his opinion and desires.

Ethan is a three-year-old, and his tantrums, like many children his age, can be pretty epic. This morning he was upset because he wanted me to hug him in my bed, but I was already downstairs about to leave for work, so the hug that he would be on the couch.

There was screaming, tears, and him rejecting my hugs when I offered, simply because the location of the hug was not where he had expected his morning hug to happen. While I understand that not getting what you want exactly how you want can be upsetting, you can’t always get what you want.

I went on with getting ready for work, and he eventually calmed down. He came up to me sheepishly in the kitchen.

“Do you want a hug?”

“Yes…”

“Are you done screaming?” “…yes…”

“come here, special one.”  

Ollie has his moments too, but he’s grown a lot. He gets frustrated, and he feels things deeply. The ability to get those feelings into words through the heat of emotion is a muscle that needs exercise. The words are coming quicker when the tantrums come, and his ability to calm himself is growing. It’s interesting seeing Ollie getting on the other side of having tantrums while my younger sons are working through them as part of how they interact with the world. 

At all three of these stages, dealing with tantrums is challenging, but there are rewarding moments. On the other side of tantrums, there are times for affirmations of love and moments of empowerment when my children realize that they can move through these difficult emotions. Not by ignoring them, but feeling through them and finding the strength to calm and to focus.