I value and care for this school, but my family is my priority. There are spaces where I feel valued and included and situations where I feel isolated. I feel confident in my power and position, and sometimes, I feel overwhelmed and stressed.
There are things about this school that I’m proud of and things that bring me concern There is great satisfaction in much of the work to do, and times when a lack of gratitude makes this work feel like people take me for granted.
And if I’m sincere, I must admit that it’s not easy to separate my work on myself from my work at this school. I must admit that sometimes negative feelings of loneliness at this school are not reflected in the incredible support many people give me at this school. And I have to admit that I don’t always know who I am and who I want to be outside and inside of this school.
It would be easy to construct goals that appear progressive and reflective but those would feel like platitudes. So instead, I will lean into the tension, the complexities, and the truth of my work.
I want to continue developing curricula that center DEIB in a subject that in most places does not. Foundations of my curriculum, like solfege, the recorder, band instruments, and note-reading, are reflections of a Euro-centric paradigm that permeates American music culture. While developing and pushing against this, I can't recognize and abandon these techniques and materials. For example, I’m working to de-center whiteness and masculinity in Western music while teaching tools created by white men. This is all in the goal that students will continue this work using music to strengthen their voices and self-expression.
I am committed to centering my instruction on social and emotional learning and helping students develop better relationships with me, their classmates, and themselves. In addition, I want to be more effective at teaching music. While these things do not work against each other, as a more emotionally aware student is a more effective learner, the SEL work sometimes feels like it’s taking time away from music instruction, especially when most models of music instruction do not reflect the more progressive teaching practices l of RULER.
As the music department chair and DEIB co-chair, I love collaborating and being in the “room where it happens” with members of the admin team, and I struggle with the distance this work creates between the people in my department and me. I am excited about the challenging work that I can often find solutions to and frustrating problems that persist beyond my best efforts and intentions.
I know people like me have moments when we don’t feel like we belong and are unseen by this community. In every interaction with faculty, new and veteran, I have the opportunity to empower others by making them feel more seen and valued. I will continue to create lessons and programming to make people see mirrors of themselves and the humanity in others different from themselves. I can deal with people’s thoughtless actions by allowing myself to feel these emotions, find support in others, and sometimes take action. I'll use my power to spread more positivity to others to feel the inclusive light of our mission.
This school is a place that can be warm and inviting and can also feel cold and lonely. It is a place that is exhausting and energizing. And it's a school that is a place that has helped me better embrace facets of my personality, and at times seems not to honor parts of my identity. Among these contradictions and dissonances is me: a teacher, a department chair, a colleague, a collaborator, a leader, an ally, a manager, and to some, a friend.
The truth is there are things that are clear and absolute.
I am more excited about what Parker can be than frustrated at what Parker is not. I feel great gratitude for the people who have mentored me and supported me, and I am committed to making meaning of these gifts by helping others. I am here, ready to lean in, to all the complexities and challenges, for the work is good and allows me to bring meaning to others’ lives as this school has brought meaning to life.
And that's if I'm being completely honest.
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