10 Moments Of 2021: Part 1

10. Admiral Rachel Levine

Confirming a pediatrician and Four-Star Admiral for the United States Assistant Secretary for Health should have been straightforward and non-controversial.  That was not the case as the “senator” from Kentucky, Rand Paul, decided to engage in a disgusting line of questioning attacking Admiral Levine because she is transgender.

President Biden nominated Admiral Levine for the United States Assistant Secretary in a powerful statement of inclusion, making her the first transgender American to be nominated for a Senate-confirmed position. More than a “diversity” hire, Admiral Levine was an example of how you can have diversity and excellence in positions.

Paul and the Republicans could have joined President Biden in making America a more equitable and accessible society. Instead, the Republicans continue to make up false crises, “boogeymen” to make their supporters feel insecure and consolidate power. In the past year, their shameless attempts to do so have been sadly effective in riling their base. Once upon a time, it was the idea that Black men would assault white women, and now it’s CRT in schools, COVID-19 vaccines, and transgender rights.

In the face of paul’s attacks, Adrimral Levine did speak with dignity and grace. This is an important reminder that transgender Americans suffer from unjust discrimination and oppression. If a four-star Admiral can face such an attack on live television, imagine what is happening to less powerful transgender individuals.  We must all work deliberately to support transgender rights. 

The Republican party and most of its leadership have no intention to work to make American’s lives better, so it’s up to us.

9. Simone Biles

Simone Biles changed the narrative. She helped us all see what it meant to be tough and what it meant to be a hero. She further revealed exploitation and trauma in the “heroic” past of USA Gymnastics. And she showed us how to take care of others and ourselves.

Biles made me realize that sacrifice for your job was overrated and that our admiration for those who achieve “greatness” at the cost of their own mental and physical health needed to be questioned.

My entire life, I have had women who were described as “petite” as central figures in my life, my mother and my wife. I’ve witnessed how they have been condescended to, insulted, and belittled because of their stature. Watching Simone Biles last summer in the Olympics, it occurred to me that there is something very wrong and disturbing about how we see and treat women who happen to be shorter than others.  

The most important thing that Simone did for me was raise questions. These aren’t questions that had easy answers, but they are essential questions that change how we see our heroes, athletes, and the women in our lives who are a couple inches short than average, who in my experiences are anything but average. 

8. Amanda Gorman

I’ve talked and about almost every single part of my life and my identity except for one until I heard the words of Amanda Gorman.  Amanda Gorman gave me the strength to see the face part of my life and identity. I have rarely talked about but thought about every day of my life: my speech impediment.

I thought I heard signs of it in her voice when I researched her before the inauguration, which was confirmed in many of the interviews and lectures that she gave. Gorman is the first person I have ever seen in my life to talk openly and honestly about the type of speech impediment that I had growing up.

After hearing Gorman talk about her struggles, I didn’t immediately decide to dive into my feelings about my speech. It took a couple of months. Then, when it did feel like the right time, I wrote about my speech impediment in these blog posts and decided to see a speech therapist. 

This was a challenging and emotional process, but it was worth it. I know that I’m a “powerful speaker,” and I have taken more joy in speaking to others as a teacher and a person. I understand my daily challenges with speech better, and I’m getting closer to having pride in my journey with speech.

No, I am not yet proud of how I speak, but I see my speech as a strength and part of my life that has made me the man I’m proud to be today.

Parenthood: Week 454 - Being A Teacher/Parent

Sometimes being a teacher makes me a worse parent. 

 Like all jobs, a stressful and draining day at work leaves less in the tank to be an attentive and patient parent, and I have felt that in the past month. There are days that I come home and want to be alone and do nothing, but this is not an option. Parental responsibilities are one of the non-negotiable essential tasks you have to do when you don’t feel like it, so I just push through.

Teaching has another layer that makes it unique in how it can affect you as a parent. No, education is not parenting. My students at school are not my “kids.” I am not responsible for them. However, there are parts of teaching that are just like parenting. Effective parenting, like effective teaching, requires you to do set a good example as much as you talk. Parenting and teaching are based on the cross-generational relationship that needs to be managed thoughtfully, and there is much overlap in how teachers and parents discipline.

When there are days when teaching is filled with those elements that are more like parenting, spending time with your children can feel more like a second shift than a different job. On days like this, mental and emotional exhaustion is reached, and you just can’t get off the ride.

Days when teaching takes away from my energy and emotional space to parent are frustrating. One reason that I continue to be a teacher is that it’s a job that allows me to impact the world to make the world better for my children. Work takes me away from my children, so it’s important that my time away means something to them.

In the past two years, the toll that teaching has taken on my parenting, I have felt more acutely. In the fall of 2020, going into school to teach in person was scary. This was the time before vaccines, and much of our more effective treatments for COVID-19 were not widely available. I feared for my health and my children’s health. While many things about this fall are better than last fall, there is still a lot of stress and uncertainty that takes a toll on me.

Every day as a teacher, there are reminders that while being a teacher and a parent in 2021 is difficult, being a teacher makes me a better parent. Professional development covers topics like gender identity and bias that apply to parenting and teaching. Working in a profession where the employees are invested in the lives of children means that people get it when I have to miss work because my child is sick, and when I get a text from my wife about my child and need to call her.

People who work at my school love children. That is why they are educators. I never have to look hard to find someone who enjoys seeing a picture of my children or hearing a funny story about something that happened at home. And I am surrounded by experts about children, so I never have to walk far to get advice about my children. 

I don’t love everything about being a teacher, but I love being a teacher. More often than not, being a teacher has helped me be a better parent. I’m proud to tell my children that I’m a teacher. Because even if the most difficult and stressful at work, I’m trying to do right by other people’s children. If I care for other people’s children, and others can care for mine, we’re going to be okay. There is nothing admirable than to dedicate your life to caring for others. I’m proud to do that as a teacher and a parent.

Year 12 - Week 15: What A Week

I don't even know where to start. 

On Monday, I taught my sixth graders about the incredible indigenous rapper and musician Frank Waln.

In addition, I taught my students about the American Indian Boarding Schools in exploring his work. This discussion led to some of my students feeling deeply about this part of our history, and one student started crying when learning about these "schools."

 

I put an assembly on for my 4th and 5th graders instead of performing for their families. Unfortunately, because of COVID-19 restrictions, we couldn't bring parents into this school for this event. I've never done anything like this before, and it was a wonderful, magical event.

Tuesday, I had some difficult moments of teaching that shook my confidence as a teacher. I struggled to try to get work duties done while at the same time spending some time taking care of some essential personal things. Also, on Tuesday, my youngest, Lucas, got the flu. 

Wednesday, I stayed home with Lucas. While it felt rewarding to stay home and take care of my son, things at school kept moving forward. Unfortunately, our COVID-19 testing procedures revealed that a significant number of students testing positive. This led to the cancellation of the classes for the 8th grade for the remainder of the week and the rescheduling of the choir concert that was going to be Thursday night. As schools all across America put on concerts, ours was canceled. Even though this decision was made for the right reasons, it felt like something was taken from us.

Thursday, I spent a lot of time on parent communications. I have to craft these messages carefully, and this takes a lot of time.

Throughout the week, I received emails about students testing positive for COVID-19. This, along with the cancellation of the choir concert and 8th-grade classes, changes the school's mood. Parents were feeling this, and as Thursday went on, many parents pulled their students out of school. Many families decided not to send their children to school.

Some parents sent their children to school but requested that their students not play in band class due to concerns about COVID-19. I let these students have a study hall with another teacher. These students combined with students who didn't go to school resulted in half of my band students not being present in class, which was the day's final period.

Thursday night, disturbing social media trends came to my attention, which warned that school violence. Also, Thursday night, the high school in my community, Evanston Township High School, shut down after two guns were found on campus. 

Friday, I went in for a half-day of school. Many, many students were absent. I had two calls with the student's parents that went well. While these conversations were productive and felt rewarding, the morning was exhausting. I'm not sure what being burned out feels like, but I think I'm close.


I could write a whole post about each day this week, and I may later, but I'm done thinking about school right now.

It's been a week. It's been a month. It's been a year, and it's coming to an end. I'm not sure what 2022 will bring to my life as a teacher. I just hope it doesn't start how my 2021 ended.

Parenthood: Week 453 - Lucas is Two!

Lucas turned two years old last week.

Lucas' life has been very different from Ollie's and Ethan's. Even though he wasn't born during the pandemic, I think of him as a pandemic baby; he was born only a couple of months before it hit. As a result, he has spent most of his life living in his pandemic. His world is filled with people wearing masks, a smaller village, and a lot of time at home.

Ollie and Ethan experienced things by age two that Lucas hasn't. Lucas has missed trips, family gatherings, live theater, group music class, and many other things. What he does have that Ollie and Ethan didn't was more time at home and two wonderful older brothers. Even though this doesn't really make up for what was lost, it's a meaningful benefit to Lucas's life.

Lucas is adorable. This morning, I found him in our bed, sleeping when I left for work. He had somehow managed to settle in the space between his two pillows with his arms up around the sides of his head. Because of the proportions of his body, the top of his hands barely reached the top of his head. It was super cute.

Last week, along with turning two years old, Lucas decided that he would talk more. He's been saying more sounds in the past couple of days, and it's wonderful. There is so much joy when he says something, and he can tell we understand what he is saying. He has a little growl which he learned from Ethan, but he also has a higher voice that is cute and gentle.

Lucas has entered the climb on every stage, so I'm having to pull him off the table more often and off of the top of the couch. His fast toddler walk is pretty close to a run. The best part is that he often provides his sound effects by screaming while he runs or making a motorboat sound with his lips when he moves quickly.

All my sons are special for different reasons. Ollie was first. I learned how to be a dad with him. Everything was new with him, and everything was an adventure. He's my sweet boy who changed my life forever. Ethan was the challenge. From his first diagnosis with hearing loss to the fact that he was challenging to put to bed tonight, he was the one who has required more. He has shown me that I have more to give, and I have so much to learn.

Lucas is my reminder. He reminds me to slow down and read a book with him. He reminds me of what Ollie and Ethan were like as babies, which warms my heart in moments of frustration. He reminds me that the simple things in life bring the most joy. And his smile reminds me that I am enough.

I'm looking forward to Lucas' life being more defined by a time after this pandemic. As he grows every day, I will cherish the milestones and the small moments, nd I can't wait to see the wider world through his eyes.

Happy Birthday, Lucas. Thank you for being my sunshine in the darkest of times.

Year 12 - Week 14: Pandemic Dress Code

"I'm Asian too. I love your shirt." 

 At first, I was startled by this studnet, and then I remembered I was wearing a shirt that had the Sandra Oh quote, "It's an honor just to be Asian," written on it. 

This wouldn't have happened before the pandemic. 

My first teaching job had a dress code for teachers. Men had to khakis or dress pants and a buttoned polo or buttoned-down shirt. (I don't remember what the dress code was for women). But, on Fridays, we could wear jeans! At the time, I didn't mind it too much, except for the ironing. In retrospect, this dress code was silly. It was supposed to be a way to be "professional" and engender respect, but both of these things are more meaningfully earned, and understood through actions more than clothing. Maybe it was a high school thing. 

My second job was in an elementary school, and there was no explicit dress code. I wore jeans and a button-down shirt. I was working with younger students and often would end up helping out in PE or sitting on the floor. Other people dressed about at this level, while others wore t-shirts and jeans to school. 

I kept up this at my current job: jeans and a buttoned-down dress shirt. I like being a little sharp, often wearing a Brooks Brothers shirt. The dress shirt made me stand a little bit taller and helped me feel like I was "at work." 

And then the pandemic hit. I think I wore a dress shirt one with pajama pants for a Zoom class, and I gave up on that. While we were remote for the spring of 2020, I pretty much wore a t-shirt and yoga pants or pajama pants for all of my online teaching. 

 
I remember the day before the first day of school in the fall of 2020 when we were going back for in-person teaching, unclear about mitigations, before there were vaccines, and scared about the school year and saying to myself, "I'm not going to dress up for school until the pandemic is over." Since then, I've worn a t-shirt, jeans, and a zip hoodie to school. 

 
I started noticing that people saw what was on my t-shirts that I was wearing. Most of the shirts had pop-culture references and some funny sayings. I avoid wearing my political shirts at school. But, I realized through my t-shirts I could create a feeling in the classroom like a poster on the wall could. So I upped my t-shirt game.

Students love the "The Patriarchy Isn't Going To Smash Itself" shirt. I have a Ruth Bader Ginsburg shirts I get comments about, and I have a fun shirt with a cartoon of a Sheltie, which reminds me of my dog Buffy when I'm asked about it. This leads to my sharing videos and photos of my dog. 

 
The most wonderful responses I get are around my Asian pride shirts. The Sandra Oh quote shirts get comments, and I have a shirt that simply states, "Asian-American Teacher."  I get compliments from adults and other students about this shirt. The fact that I can display pride in this part of my identity and be embraced for this display in my school community has confirmed this school's values of diversity, equity, and inclusion. And I am very aware that I would get criticized for such bold declarations of racial pride in other schools.

Will I go back to dressing more formally at school after the pandemic is over? I'm not sure, but right now, what I'm wearing to school feels right. I can bring more of my full self to school wearing what I would wear at home around my family. In this time of crisis and continual trauma, being less formal and sharing who I am and what I value through what is on my shirt is what my students need from me and what I need to do to be the best teacher I can be.

Parenthood: Week 452 - Figuring Out How To Be a Dad

My children are not scared of me. 

When they do something they shouldn’t do, I can effectively redirect them, but I don’t sense a level of fear or intimidation from them. When I am trying to express anger at them, it is clear that it is not effective. I’m not surprised, as I have found through my teaching experience that fear is not an effective tool for me.

This all stems from really good things. Many men in my generation are doing the best they can to be a better kind of father. We do more chores around the house, support our partners the best we can, and try to be emotionally available to our children. The problem that I have found in conversations with other men is that knowing how to discipline gets confusing. Traditional models of discipline from previous generations don’t work because the relationships we are trying to create require a level of emotional distance that we are actively trying to work against. 

Sometimes I wish I could use a stern tone, and my children would immediately stop what they are doing and change their behavior. But that doesn’t work. What is usually effective is if I come to their level, get them to slow down physically, and calmly talk things out. The best tool I have to get them to snap out of behavior is to take something away (e.g., a toy). This is the only thing that gives them a shock to the system that gets them to pause. 

 
There is a level of aggression with taking something away or removing a child from a room that I don’t like, but it is sometimes the only thing that works. I’m trying to do this less suddenly. Ideally, I ask them to give me the toy, but I’m only there with my oldest right now. 

The hardest thing about disciplining my children is how the quality of my tools has to do with how much I have left in my tank. I am a teacher, and I spend my whole day with young people. A big part of teaching is discipline. While I rarely have significant issues, I am always maintaining a certain level of work and awareness around children. It’s part of the gig. 

 
After a day of teaching, I come home and I have to do often more disciplining.  It’s hard to do this when you’ve been doing it all day. The other difficult piece is that it feels more personal with my children.
Once upon a time, I took it personally when a student acted out in class.  After almost seventeen years of teaching, I don’t take students’ misbehavior personally most of the time. It’s rarely, if ever, about me. 

Honestly, I think it’s the same with my own children. I don’t think they are doing a lot of things “to me.” This is because so much of what they do is impulsive. While I know they love me, they don’t fully see me as a human being all of the time. They don't understand the impact of their actions and what it means to show love is still developing. I’m learning to take less personally when my children misbehave. Because like with my teaching, more often than not, it’s not about me. 

 
As we seek to figure out what it means to be a man and how to make expressions of masculinity inclusive and constructive, the search for how to be a dad persists. I don’t think the fathers in the past who ruled over their children with fear enjoyed that and felt like what they did was effective. I think fathers who used fear to parents felt lost and struggled. Like many generations past, they just wanted to feel connected with their children. 

 
There is a lot of work to be done, but it is good to work. The problem modern fathers find themselves is an opportunity to make fatherhood better for our children and ourselves. Being a parent-focused on love will be the greatest gift we can give our children so they can build off of our struggles and learn to parent better than parents than us.

Year 12 - Week 13: The Best of Us

Where do we go from here? 

Teachers are resigning, and there are not enough people to fill these positions. Republicans have created another boogie-man in CRT, convincing people to fill school board meetings with lies and threats. Schools continue to struggle to figure out how to mitigate the COVID-19 pandemic with wide variation policies resulting in rampant inequity. In all of this, our children are suffering.

Like many other professions, the pandemic has helped many teachers understand that they don’t have to accept mistreatment. They’ve learned that walking away from a teaching job that asks too much and pays too little is not letting students down. Is it the administration, the school board, and other systems that have created an unsustainable teaching position that is letting the students down. A teacher leaving for their own mental health, and other reasons that reflect self-care is doing the most important thing: not letting themselves down.

We can’t afford to lose great teachers right now. And if quitting a job now and taking a break from teaching means that you can come back to the profession a couple of years from now, please do that. It’s a much better path than getting burned out from teaching and not coming back.

When I was fired from my first teaching job, my belief in my abilities as a teacher was rock bottom. I couldn’t find a full-time teaching position.  One of the reasons that didn’t happen was that I didn’t believe I could be successful doing one and that I deserved one. So I took an assistant job, and I was incredibly fortunate that I had a wonderful supervisor who built me back up. She believed in me more than I believed in myself. Every day and in every way helped me see the great teacher I was and my potential to grow.

I had that person pick me up when I was down, but many teachers do not, so you got to get out before you hit that bottom. The most important person that teachers save right now is themselves.  I should have taken care of my first job and left it after my first year there as opposed to hanging on for a second year.

I don’t know how we will solve all of these problems in education right now. But I do know that we have no hope of building back better in school for our students if the best of us are not there to greet the students in the morning and engage in the essential work of education. And we can’t be there if our budgets are too small, we have too many children in the classroom, and we are burned out.

Teachers, please take care of yourselves. We need you in the game. Don’t let recommendations of “self-care” from your administration be lip-service. Don’t be hard on yourselves because you can’t do the impossible, and don’t give too much of yourselves. Because when all is said and done, when you give a teaching job too much at the detriment of your own mental and physical health, you will only lose.  You will never get back what you give, when you give too much. 

Love teaching, love your students but most importantly, love yourself.