When people ask me for marriage advice, or when I have to sign a guest book at a wedding, one of my favorite piece of marriage advice is: "Make your marriage
what you want it to be."
A lot of people these days are trying to define marriage. My issue with this is that people historically and even in our modern society have very different ideas of what a marriage means. I'm not even talking about the issue of gay marriage. You don't have to look to that deep into "traditional" heterosexual relationships to find wide variations in marriage.
My great grandfather had a concubine. This was an acceptable social practice at the time in Taiwan. While there are historical and literary accounts of wives having issues with concubines, my great grandmother had no issues with this issue. As she put it having a concubine meant that her husband "bothered her less." This was part of their marriage and they were fine with it.
A couple that I know who have been married for about four years has no intention to have kids. This is a position they both feel strongly about and discussed before they got married and they are fine with that fact.
Another one of my close friends spent the first year of their marriage living across the country from each other. And one of my uncles commuted from Tokyo to Texas leaving his family for months at a time for work. For these people, marriage was not something that meant they had to be physically in the same space all of the time.
My marriage to Diana doesn't involve a concubine, we are committed to having kids and it would take something pretty extraordinary for me to live apart from my wife. We've chosen to define our marriage a certain way that works for us. Who am I to say that a marriage that doesn't have children in the future is less legitimate?
Marriage means so many different things to different people. What's important is not that you subscribe to a type of marriage defined by other people but rather one that is defined by the spirituality, love and values that you share with your partner.
We've come such a long way accepting plurality in marriage. Last weekend I was in Nashville, at a cafe with my wife. Sixty years ago, if I walked into that same cafe holding hands with my wife, people would look at us with disapproval and today, no one even looked twice.
Divorce, wider age gaps, interracial relationships, interfaith unions, long distance relationships, changing gender roles, number of children, are all variations in marriage that our society have accepted in a wider definition of marriage.
Some of these things may not work in your marriage and you may disagree with some of these variations in marriage, but they are there and it's important we learn to not judge different definitions of marriage and accept them as reflections of the diversity in our culture.
So make your marriage what you want it to be. Don’t get bogged down by people telling you how their marriage works. Figure it out for yourselves and make it what you want it to be. As the priest said in the sermon I heard at my friends wedding I recently attended, marriage is a sacrament that is ordained by the people getting married, not the church. You are in control of your marriage.
The definition of marriage has evolved for thousands of years in different cultures all across the world and will continue to change. Everyone deserves to define marriage the way they want to, without prejudice and judgment.
The slippery slope is not "let gay people get married and then people will want to marry animals," it is "if you ban gay marriage, then you can ban marriage between people of different religions, and races." Providing more freedom for people begets happiness and more rights for all. And as we've seen in the darkest periods of human history, taking away rights leads to atrocities.
Let's stop trying to define marriage as a list of requirements, a cage. Instead, let's define marriage with the fundamental framework of human companionship and build upon it with our own individual expression of who we are and what we believe.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
This Is Country Music by Brad Paisley
Brad Paisley’s title track from his latest album This Is Country Music is a statement of pride and tradition. It’s not meant to put down genres of music or argue why country is better; it simply defines what makes country music great.
Growing up in Seattle, country music was the least popular genre of music and if you liked country music in my high school that was the least cool thing you could do. I carried this with me until college when I discovered Johnny Cash and then an entire world opened up to me and I became connected to one of the most important American traditions. While some argue that Jazz is the only true original American genre of music, I argue that country music should hold that honor as well.
So what is country music to Brad Paisley? Well, from the first line it’s talking about cancer, religion, it’s representing and reflecting a culture in America that isn’t living in Manhattan and L.A. It’s not abad thing to have a show set in New York but sometimes we forget that there’s a lot of people in this country who are more familiar with a seeing a tractor on the drive to work than a Mercedes.
The second verse starts with the simple joys in life and goes into the power that music has to speak when words fail. Whether it’s love or frustration music can be that expression, that vent, and that connection that lets you know that your feelings are shared with others.
Patriotism is often present in country music and it’s not always handled well or respectfully. Paisley gets to the heart of it in the third verse, holding the connection close to home and it’s this genuine sense of pride that is a powerful part of what country music is about.
The last section of this song is made up of quotes from famous country singers. It’s this respect and connection to tradition that breeds the greatest artists and reminds fans that music really is a conversation. Art is not created in a vacuum and like how meeting someone’s parents make her make more sense, understanding the history of a genre makes the appreciation of a song that much deeper.
Most people I encounter who don’t like a genre of music express a level of ignorance. Whether it’s rap, rock or country, people who dislike genres as a whole, rarely can even name a song they don’t like. They just decided one day they don’t like it for one reason or another.
So when people tell me they don’t like country music, I don’t get offended, I just try to explain what makes it special. It’s not that country does things or says things that other types of music don’t. In the same way a disco song can get your beat moving better than a Beethoven symphony, the best country songs tells stories a whole lot better than most pop singles.
Paisley is one of the greatest ambassadors for country music because he elevates the music he loves without putting other music down. There's no superiority complex in this song. It's pride without prejudice and good feelings without cynicism and insecurity.
"So turn it on, turn it up, and sing a long. This is real; this is your life in a song."
Friday, May 25, 2012
Year 2: Week 35 – How To End The Year
Teachers talk a lot about how to start the school year. Great care and time needs to be put into setting up procedures and standards for students early in the year. If you don’t do this as a teacher, you will end up paying for it for the rest of the year. While I agree that this beginning of the year set-up for critical is students at all levels, I don’t feel there’s enough focus on how to best end the school year.
Growing up, the one thing I remember from the end of the school year was watching movies, A LOT of movies. Now as a kid that was fun but in reflection it kind of seems a little ridiculous. I guess some of that was part of a reward for earning something or having some good socialization time but is watching a movie really the best way to help make a school year meaningful?
If you think of the school year as a lesson plan, with the beginning being the hook, and the ending being a concluding activity that ties together what has happened in the class, how it will be extended in the future, and how this applies outside of life, then the end of the year holds incredible importance.
Look, I’m not saying that you can’t have fun at the end of the year and watch a movie. I watched the entirety of Start Wars: Episode IV with my seventh grade band last year. Did it have a point? Well, it was partially a reward for a good concert and I did lecture about the leitmotifs while watching the film, so I don’t think it was a complete waste. Also I don’t feel so bad about that because we did spend time in class reflecting on the year and doing self-assessment exercises.
So what am I planning to do with my students for the coming last two weeks of school? A couple critical components:
Reflections – In my general music classes, I’m have students rate their favorite songs and activities to get them thinking about the scope of the year and give me some curricular feedback. I’m bringing back some older activities so that they can see how their skills have advanced. For all my students are doing self-assessments rating them on how well they worked, what they learned and how well they accomplished goals they set earlier in the year.
Culminating Experiences – It’s important for students to have something that they are working towards, a special experience, a payoff. For my band kids it was their Spring Concert. For my 3rd graders its, finally putting together the different parts of a song we’ve been working on for a couple weeks. My 5th graders end the year with a sing along of their favorite songs from the year.
Having Some Fun – I will always argue that the most fun and satisfaction students can have in school are being actively engaged in meaningful educational experiences. Yes, watching a movie is fun, but that’s not merely as much fun as doing a folk dance as a class or learning a pop song by ear and creating an arrangement. Kids have the entire summer to watch a movie, so why not create a unique and exciting experience to end the year? In music class the most fun you can have is through creating great music. The kids will always vote for a movie, but trust me they will have more fun composing a song hitting playground equipment with drum sticks, which was my 8th grade bands final class project.
Look, I know you’re tired, you have grades to do, a classroom to clean and the kids are crazy this time of year. But keep at it, push through and give your kids something more than a movie to remember their last weeks with you. We work too hard for our kids the rest of the year to just throw it all away at the end.
Finish strong, have fun and make it meaningful.
Growing up, the one thing I remember from the end of the school year was watching movies, A LOT of movies. Now as a kid that was fun but in reflection it kind of seems a little ridiculous. I guess some of that was part of a reward for earning something or having some good socialization time but is watching a movie really the best way to help make a school year meaningful?
If you think of the school year as a lesson plan, with the beginning being the hook, and the ending being a concluding activity that ties together what has happened in the class, how it will be extended in the future, and how this applies outside of life, then the end of the year holds incredible importance.
Look, I’m not saying that you can’t have fun at the end of the year and watch a movie. I watched the entirety of Start Wars: Episode IV with my seventh grade band last year. Did it have a point? Well, it was partially a reward for a good concert and I did lecture about the leitmotifs while watching the film, so I don’t think it was a complete waste. Also I don’t feel so bad about that because we did spend time in class reflecting on the year and doing self-assessment exercises.
So what am I planning to do with my students for the coming last two weeks of school? A couple critical components:
Reflections – In my general music classes, I’m have students rate their favorite songs and activities to get them thinking about the scope of the year and give me some curricular feedback. I’m bringing back some older activities so that they can see how their skills have advanced. For all my students are doing self-assessments rating them on how well they worked, what they learned and how well they accomplished goals they set earlier in the year.
Culminating Experiences – It’s important for students to have something that they are working towards, a special experience, a payoff. For my band kids it was their Spring Concert. For my 3rd graders its, finally putting together the different parts of a song we’ve been working on for a couple weeks. My 5th graders end the year with a sing along of their favorite songs from the year.
Having Some Fun – I will always argue that the most fun and satisfaction students can have in school are being actively engaged in meaningful educational experiences. Yes, watching a movie is fun, but that’s not merely as much fun as doing a folk dance as a class or learning a pop song by ear and creating an arrangement. Kids have the entire summer to watch a movie, so why not create a unique and exciting experience to end the year? In music class the most fun you can have is through creating great music. The kids will always vote for a movie, but trust me they will have more fun composing a song hitting playground equipment with drum sticks, which was my 8th grade bands final class project.
Look, I know you’re tired, you have grades to do, a classroom to clean and the kids are crazy this time of year. But keep at it, push through and give your kids something more than a movie to remember their last weeks with you. We work too hard for our kids the rest of the year to just throw it all away at the end.
Finish strong, have fun and make it meaningful.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The Come Apart Kid featuring Mr. Tang
Two of my third grade girls wrote a story using my name. I'm not sure if this is suppose to be about me or whether they just like my name. Anyways, here it is. I preserved the typos and spacing so that you can get a full sense of this work.
The come apart kid
The come apart kid
Chapter 1
One dark and stormy night a boy named kingsly tang was walking down the street. He had just left school and was going home. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw some one murdered. HIs head was cut of and his arm was too. He saw the murderder run into the shadows. Kingsly tang ran rite into the dark shadow.
Chapter 2
The he felt a bonny arm grab him. He knew he should have run away when he felt a knife reach his skin. The next thing he knew he was dead. He picked up his head and put it back on. Next he tore off both of his arms with his teeth.
Chapter 3
Then he ran out side and started to murder people. He killed everybody in sight. Then he ran to his house and murderderd his family. He took his pets and made them come apart pets.
Chapter 4
Then he bommed there house and all the body parts when flighing! Then he ate all the body parts. His favorit part was the hearts. he thought to himself "yummy in my tummy!" He killed all his friends and ate then too.
Chapter 5
Then he started throwing up all over the streets. Then he tore off his legs and let his dogs eat them.
Chapter 6
He opened his eye and realized he was in bed. He realized it was all just dream and was very scared. Then he looked at his pants they wer soaked with PEE and POO. Then the door opened and kingsly screamed. "Sweety are you OK. I smell some stiky poppy in you bed." Then his dad came in and said, "I smell some peepee in you bed. Lets get cleaned up." And so they did. Then they lived happily ever after.
The End
We hope you liked it! your the best music teacher ever!
Monday, May 21, 2012
You Gotta Be by Des’ree
As graduation season comes into full swing people start thinking about songs to address this transition in life. Often people think about “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) by Green Day or “Seasons Of Love” from the musical rent (which my 8th graders are singing for their graduation).
One of my favorite “advice” songs is Des’ree’s “You Gotta Be,” a beautiful song full of love and encouragement from 1994.
This is Des’ree’s most popular song. Other notable recordings she made include “Kissing You,” the love song from Baz Luhrman’s Romeo And Juliet.
The phrase “you gotta be,” seems to have a sense of urgency, but Des’ree sings it with such calm that its meaning changes. Usually this phrase is followed with an or statement, like “you gotta study for the test or you will fail.” So what is the consequence if you aren’t all these things?
Des’ree never says it straight out but what you begin to realize when listening to this song is that she is saying that you gotta take an active role in your life or else you will miss out on what life’s all about.
Des’ree sings about opening your eyes to the world, thinking about your parents and not getting bothered by other people’s lives. She talks about being “bad,” which goes beyond the 1980s slang to another meaning. This is more about speaking truth to power and being a little mischievous to accomplish great things in life.
While she encourages us to be strong, she also sings about embracing the pain in life and working through fears. It’s a viewpoint that accepts the dynamics of who we are but doesn’t accept the idea that we can’t do anything to change our position in life.
Des’ree sings this song with confidence and power. She’s not aggressive in her strength but rather cool and calm. Through her rich and soulful voice you believe that she truly is everything that she is singing about.
Songs that give this kind of message don’t seem to come around very often, but we need them so badly. Des’ree represents the best of what pop music can say to a wide audience. Yes, songs that have controversial lyrics get a lot of attention but it’s the ones that truly have soul and a life-affirming message that stay with us. Des’ree reminds us of the great potential in pop music and what we should strive for every day in our lives.
One of my favorite “advice” songs is Des’ree’s “You Gotta Be,” a beautiful song full of love and encouragement from 1994.
This is Des’ree’s most popular song. Other notable recordings she made include “Kissing You,” the love song from Baz Luhrman’s Romeo And Juliet.
The phrase “you gotta be,” seems to have a sense of urgency, but Des’ree sings it with such calm that its meaning changes. Usually this phrase is followed with an or statement, like “you gotta study for the test or you will fail.” So what is the consequence if you aren’t all these things?
Des’ree never says it straight out but what you begin to realize when listening to this song is that she is saying that you gotta take an active role in your life or else you will miss out on what life’s all about.
Des’ree sings about opening your eyes to the world, thinking about your parents and not getting bothered by other people’s lives. She talks about being “bad,” which goes beyond the 1980s slang to another meaning. This is more about speaking truth to power and being a little mischievous to accomplish great things in life.
While she encourages us to be strong, she also sings about embracing the pain in life and working through fears. It’s a viewpoint that accepts the dynamics of who we are but doesn’t accept the idea that we can’t do anything to change our position in life.
Des’ree sings this song with confidence and power. She’s not aggressive in her strength but rather cool and calm. Through her rich and soulful voice you believe that she truly is everything that she is singing about.
Songs that give this kind of message don’t seem to come around very often, but we need them so badly. Des’ree represents the best of what pop music can say to a wide audience. Yes, songs that have controversial lyrics get a lot of attention but it’s the ones that truly have soul and a life-affirming message that stay with us. Des’ree reminds us of the great potential in pop music and what we should strive for every day in our lives.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Year 2: Week 34 - Four Magical Moments
1. Sharing Day – This week I gave my third graders the opportunity to share songs they have been working on outside of music class. These performances ranged from learning a pop sing and singing it along with an iPod to playing a beginner song on the violin. I spent a lot of time preparing my class to be good audience members and instilling them how important it was to be supportive.
One of my students played “Long, Long Ago,” on his violin. He made a mistake, stopped playing and after a long pause, started back at the beginning. After he was done he was visibly sad about messing up but the whole class gave him a genuine round of applause. One girl in particular who often has issues being polite came up to him and told him how good she though he was and I saw him perk up just a little bit as she smiled at him.
2. The Final 8th Grade Band Class – Wednesday was the last time my 8th grade met as a full band this school year. We had a performance the next day so I ran class just like how I usually did. We worked hard, got a lot done and at the end, I could not have been more proud. I started this group when they were seventh graders and after two years this group was coming to an end.
At the end of class I reminded them that sometimes things seem like they will last forever, but that everything is finite. I told them that I was proud of then, proud to have worked with them and to enjoy our last time playing together as a group. It’s hard to know what to do when things come to and end but I could not have imagined a better way to say goodbye then by sharing music together.
3. The Dress Rehearsal – For the Spring Concert last Thursday we combined the 6th, 7th, 8th and high school bands. We rehearsed the day before Wednesday after school. We had been preparing the students for this rehearsal, going over what we were going to do during that time and what to expect.
Standing in front of almost ninety students, I was impressed with the attention and effort I felt. Getting settled and finding seats was a little rough but when we started playing it was truly amazing. My goal was to have the dress rehearsal be a valid, important and fun musical experience and it was just that. The great performance the next day was icing on the cake. Having an amazing rehearsal reflecting months of great preparation: that is what is truly fun about music.
4. I See The Light – The drama teacher and I hosted a charity event for our school, “Sing along Tangled.” We project Tangled on the screen on the back of the stage and students sat on stage participating with the film. At the moment when Rapunzel has her hair braided, we paused the film and the drama teacher instructed all the girls who wanted their hair to be braided to make a braiding chain.
Twenty girls, pre-school age to 8th grade, formed lines around the stage and as the song “I See The Light,” played they braided each others hair in the soft light provided by the screen. Flashlights and cell phones illuminated the auditorium as our own lanterns.
Watching these girls across this wide age gap come together without hesitation to braid hair was one of the most heart-warming moments I’ve been part of at this school. It was a beautiful moments of community and family. The older students embraced the part of them that is still a little girl wanting to be a princess. In this way they reminded the younger girls and myself that you are never too old to enjoy the simple acts of sharing.
One of my students played “Long, Long Ago,” on his violin. He made a mistake, stopped playing and after a long pause, started back at the beginning. After he was done he was visibly sad about messing up but the whole class gave him a genuine round of applause. One girl in particular who often has issues being polite came up to him and told him how good she though he was and I saw him perk up just a little bit as she smiled at him.
2. The Final 8th Grade Band Class – Wednesday was the last time my 8th grade met as a full band this school year. We had a performance the next day so I ran class just like how I usually did. We worked hard, got a lot done and at the end, I could not have been more proud. I started this group when they were seventh graders and after two years this group was coming to an end.
At the end of class I reminded them that sometimes things seem like they will last forever, but that everything is finite. I told them that I was proud of then, proud to have worked with them and to enjoy our last time playing together as a group. It’s hard to know what to do when things come to and end but I could not have imagined a better way to say goodbye then by sharing music together.
3. The Dress Rehearsal – For the Spring Concert last Thursday we combined the 6th, 7th, 8th and high school bands. We rehearsed the day before Wednesday after school. We had been preparing the students for this rehearsal, going over what we were going to do during that time and what to expect.
Standing in front of almost ninety students, I was impressed with the attention and effort I felt. Getting settled and finding seats was a little rough but when we started playing it was truly amazing. My goal was to have the dress rehearsal be a valid, important and fun musical experience and it was just that. The great performance the next day was icing on the cake. Having an amazing rehearsal reflecting months of great preparation: that is what is truly fun about music.
4. I See The Light – The drama teacher and I hosted a charity event for our school, “Sing along Tangled.” We project Tangled on the screen on the back of the stage and students sat on stage participating with the film. At the moment when Rapunzel has her hair braided, we paused the film and the drama teacher instructed all the girls who wanted their hair to be braided to make a braiding chain.
Twenty girls, pre-school age to 8th grade, formed lines around the stage and as the song “I See The Light,” played they braided each others hair in the soft light provided by the screen. Flashlights and cell phones illuminated the auditorium as our own lanterns.
Watching these girls across this wide age gap come together without hesitation to braid hair was one of the most heart-warming moments I’ve been part of at this school. It was a beautiful moments of community and family. The older students embraced the part of them that is still a little girl wanting to be a princess. In this way they reminded the younger girls and myself that you are never too old to enjoy the simple acts of sharing.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Harmonize Our Uniqueness
I've been struggling to find a way to reconcile the idea of becoming one voice in my band classes while valuing the individuality and uniqueness of each of our students.
Like with many of my questions in life Mister Rogers provided a great answer:
Music has given me a way of expressing my feelings and my thoughts, and it has also given me a way of understanding more about life. For example, as you play together in a symphony orchestra, you can appreciate that each musician has something fine to offer. Each one is different, though, and you each have a different "song to sing." When you sing together, you make one voice. That's true of all endeavors, not just musical ones. Finding ways to harmonize our uniqueness with the uniqueness of others can be the most fun--and the most rewarding--of all.Creating music with others is not about everybody doing the same thing. It's about blending what is unique and awesome about each person to make a unique and magical creation.
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