It seems like everyone has their theories about the best age gap between children. Most of this is based on the age gap individuals had with their siblings and an optimistic viewpoint on their own children. The reality is that the majority of parents nowadays don’t experience kids with varying age gaps, since most parents don’t have more than two children. So most people don’t have a point of comparison.
There’s a lot that contributes to the age gap between children. Sometimes things go exactly as planned. However, for many people, the timing of having a child is not something that cannot be controlled with much accuracy. However, many people do try to control this and some have some success leaning towards a preference of a certain age gap.
Some people desire having children close together (under three years). The pros I’ve heard is that their children will share the same interests, and that it gets the whole baby/toddler thing done in a shorter amount of time. The cons are that you have two children who are young (e.g. two kids in diapers), and the lack of space between the children can sometimes create a more tenuous relationship (closer age=sharing mommy=sibling jealousy). Of course there are many other pros and cons.
Having children further apart (over three years) has a lot of benefits. Ollie is potty-trained and unlike two-year old Ollie, four year-old Ollie is often content to play with his toys by himself while we are tending to Ethan. A wider age gap means that they older kid has more ability physically and mentally to care for the younger sibling. However, when the kids get older, it will be harder to find activities they both can enjoy together. A movie that is appropriate for a eight year old, may not appropriate for a four year old. One thing that can be a pro and a con (a pro in my opinion), is that the baby/toddler part of parenthood is spread out over a longer period of time.
One misconception about having children is that the timing is in your control. In the same way that it is advisable to not make comments about people having children because you don’t know their story, watch the comments you make about the age-gap between children. This may be a result of careful planning, or some of the most difficult journey's in a couples’ life.
There’s more optimism than not when people talk about my boys’ age-gap. So I’ll take that. It’s what we got, so like most parents, we are making the best of it, enjoying what we can, the dynamics of the differences of these two kids and riding the roller coaster of parenthood.
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