Most of Lucas’s life has been lived during a pandemic.
When Lucas was born in December of 2019, we had no idea what was coming in the following year.
For the three months of his life, our lives with Lucas was everything we expected. I had my paternity leave to spend with Lucas, and there much joy in our house. When March came around, the world came tumbling down, and for Lucas, some ways got better. No longer was he in the car, having his naps interrupted by drop-off and pick-up. Even though we were all busy, we were all home. That’s all he even wanted more than anything else, was for us to be around.
I could not give as much direct attention to Lucas as I did to Ollie during his first year. Lucas had two older brothers and I had a job situation, having to teach distance learning that I never did before in my life, which was very stressful. But I wasn’t the only person around. The attention he got from all of us, including his two older brothers, more than made up for what I wasn’t able to give to Lucas.
Sadly, Lucas has not been able to spend time with so many important people in our lives. He has never met my brother’s family, their children, Lucas’ wonderful cousins. While I am so happy, my parents made an effort to spend time with Lucas when he was born, and they haven’t seen him since. While this is hard to think about, who would have met Lucas if not for the pandemic, it is incredibly touching to know that so many people who have never met Lucas love him dearly and hold him in their hearts.
Lucas was exactly what we all needed in this pandemic. He was sunshine in the darkest of nights. Untouched by the stress and trauma in the world, Lucas was there to pull us out of ourselves, slow down, and enjoy the quiet moments of baby cuddles. There was a time when we’d smile at him, and he would look at us puzzled, not being to smile at us as a young baby. And now, when I’m not in a good mood, Lucas will smile at me, and I can’t help but find peace and solace in his efforts to connect with me and make me happy.
I’ve always heard that children were blessings, but I didn’t fully understand what that meant until we were deep into the pandemic. Yes, my children stress into my life and so much work. But all of that comes from the purpose I feel as a parent motivated by, above else, my love for my children. Having purpose and meaning in life is a blessing. I don’t think that all people need children to find meaning in their lives. However, during this pandemic, my children gave me a way to be, a way to see myself that has motivated me to get up every morning and be the best I can be for them and myself.
I don’t know how I’m going to explain what happened in the world during the first year of Lucas’ life to him when he gets older, but I do know that I will tell him that he was one of the most important parts of my life that got me through this difficult time and for that I will always be grateful.
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