Parenthood: Week 444 – Volunteering

I didn’t really think that much about the women in this safe house.

I knew they were victims of spousal abuse; I knew that they came there with their children and left their homes in ways that were closer to an escape than a move to a new residence.

One of the reasons I didn’t think a lot about the women is that when I volunteered at this place, I didn’t interact with them. My job as a volunteer was to help prepare dinner, do chores around the house, and most of all provide child care for the women who lived in the house while they had other obligations like therapy or work.

I needed to get volunteers hours in to make my transcript look better for college. I didn’t want to be stuck doing one thing, so I found this summer volunteer program through the park district. They had this packet, almost like a course catalog for college, that had all of these different volunteer opportunities, the dates and hours they would happen, and you would sign up for what sounded interesting. The only obligation was to do a certain number of minimum hours to be in this program.

I chose a variety of things that looked appealing. I spent an afternoon pulling ivy off of leaves, which was not fun. Then, there was the time I helped out at a music concert with a person who ended up becoming one of my best friends in high school. I’ll never forget the orange-poppy seed muffin we shared and sing “Faith” by George Michael to her. What a way to start a friendship. I also helped out with an art fair and worked on forest trails.

Then there was the safe house. It was run by two nuns, which to my surprise, were not wearing habits. There were happy to have us there but were very direct. A graduate student from the University of Washington helped run the house as well. The one rule they told us was not to tell the children that we would see them again. The nuns instructed not to say goodbye to them by saying, “see you later.” There was a good chance that if we came back, they would be in this place and that we weren’t helping these children by leading them on. Also, they told us not to promise these children anything.  With all that these children had gone through, they didn’t want these children to be let down by us.

There were projects and supplies set up for us in the backyard, where we spent most of the time with the children. We made type-dye shirts and played hide and seek. When they found out I had the time to pay attention to them, some of the children would never stop talking to me the entire time I was there, and others wouldn’t acknowledge I existed when I spoke to them.

I liked coming to this place, and I visited there seven or eight times over two summers. I knew about domestic violence, but I didn’t understand this issue like I do now and how incredibly challenging this is to deal with, and how much more we need to do as a society to address this issue. I sensed at the time that there was a more significant issue going on, and I didn’t think that this experience would affect me. But now, as parents and teacher, I see clearly that this experience with these children in this place has helped me understand what I can be and need to be for the young people in my life.

Recently,  I’ve been thinking about those women in that house. As I parent, I wonder if I had the strength to do as they did, I wonder about their journey, and I wonder what more I could have done for them and what I can do for parents right now with an abusive partner, struggling to keep themselves and their children safe.