Two teachers thought it would be fun to “invade” my class and sing “Happy Birthday” to me. I would have been fine with them coming into any other class, but this was one of my trickier classes, and I had just gotten them settled and in the right mind frame for class. It felt like such an absurd moment that made me have to stifle laughter as I continued my class.
This was a couple of Wednesdays ago, my 40th birthday. I’m not sure what to do with birthdays. The mixture of feelings of social isolation, and perceptions of societal expectations, and insecurities with aging left me feeling lost and confused coming up to my 40th birthday. I came to school not wanting to talk about my birthday and just wanting to get through the day.
I wasn’t sure what to say about my birthday if people asked, and while I wasn’t ashamed of getting older, I didn’t feel like reflecting on it openly. Through social media, people found out it was my birthday, and when people said “happy birthday” to me, I smiled and thanked them. Some people asked, “how does it feel to be 40?” I didn’t feel comfortable saying in passing “confusing and disorientating,” so I just lied and said “great.”
Late in the morning, I had a meeting with two other people. I enjoyed this weekly meeting. It was a space that made me feel safe and valued. So when one of the people interrupted our discussion, “hold up, is today your birthday?!?...and you are turning 40?!” I confirmed the question. When she asked me how I felt, I decided to be honest.
This was the first step to feeling better about myself and my birthday. As I unpacked my mixed feelings about my birthday, I got affirmation and validation. The two other people in the meeting said that I needed to ignore societal ideas about celebrating birthdays and do what I wanted. Then one of them told me, “you should mark this day somehow. You have accomplished so much in your professional and personal life. You should take this day, this moment, as a way to honor that and be proud.” When she told me this, I could see in her eyes that she was proud of me and proud to know me, and I felt deeply what she said. This made me think that it was okay to feel how I did about my birthday.
The next day I made my way to my office after a challenging day of teaching. One of the choir teachers caught me in the hallway and told me to come into the choir room. I was ready not to be a teacher, but I dug deep and found more and followed him in the class. The room was filled with one of the high school choirs. Many of my former students were in that class, and they sang a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday.” I let myself enjoy the attention, looking at these wonderful students and thinking about how proud I was of them.
“How old are you?” yelled one student.“Forty,” I replied.“You don’t look a day over forty,” commented another student.”“Well, I am exactly a day over forty,” I said, and everyone laughed.
They presented me with a cake, and I thanked them for the song and the moment. I felt good at that moment for the first time about turning forty. I still have a lot of processes and unpack about turning forty. I didn’t expect my colleagues and students to help me in this work, but they really did, and I’m so grateful for their kindness.
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