The Purple Reaction is a music blog that focuses on music in our culture and explores the history, theory and artistry that make the music we love so great. This is a celebration of art, the emotional connections that we feel through music and the deep personal meaning we experience through great music.
This blog features new posts every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
It was a challenging concept for my 5th graders, the idea that one could experience different emotions co-currently was a major theme in the “Have You Ever Seen The Rain?” We had learned how to sing the song and when I asked the students to describe the emotions in the song, and the vast majority of said that the emotion was, “happy” and no one wrote multiple emotions.
We worked through explicating the lyrics of this song, and thinking about how weather typically is associated with certain emotions (e.g. sunny day-happy, rain-sadness). I asked the students to think about a moment in their lives when the “have seen rain on a sunny day,” a moment when they feel happiness and sadness.
As I felt the activity of writing settle down, I stared framing our sharing.
Okay y’all. I’d like to invite people to share their memories and experiences. Bear in mind that what we are doing here is not only sharing events, but also sharing emotions. So please be conscientious about your reactions and make sure that you show support with your posture, your silence, and your reactions.
Students began sharing. One student talked about attending to a going away party, being happy that the party was fun but also sad that her friend was moving away. Another students talked about going to sleep-away camp, enjoying the experience, but missing home. At the beginning of the sharing period, I noticed that a girl had raised her hand but quickly lowered it. After the third or fourth person shared and the other students had listened respectfully she raised her hand again.
I called on her, as she shared, “I had a playdate with my BFF, and I had a really great time, but when I got home, my other BFF, my dog, had passed away.” As she talked, I turned my chair to face her and looked at her directly, trying to give her support through eye contact. Part of me knew that I probably should be checking in with other students around me to make sure that other students were being respectful, but I decided to take a chance, trust that they were feeling the moment, and maintain my focus on her.
After she was done, there was a silence in the room, she looked up at me, and forced a small smile. I told her that I appreciated that she shared and that that she this a great example of the what we were talking about, and the meaning of the song. The class gave her space to share, and gave me the space to be there for her.
When I asked the class to reflect about a positive thing about the class at the end of class, one student said that she we had done a good job being supportive of each other. I agreed and thanked them for their efforts and the empathy that they showed each other.
I ended the class affirming this feeling.
When you give each other space to share our thoughts and feelings, it makes them feel comfortable in the same way that we feel more comfortable when people respect our physical space. Providing this feeling of comfort in this way makes people feel important, and valued. When you listen with care, you are saying that you care about what they say, and who they are as people. You are expressing to them that you see them and see them as an important part of our classroom community.
Dan Savage, author, journalist and advocate, likes to demonstrate empathy with other parents who are facing the challenging of talking to their children about sex, by talking about the failing in his own talk with his son. He describes about how he forgot to tell his son one of the most important things about sex, that it should be for pleasure.
I felt the similar failing last night with my son.
Diana, my wife, has been reading Roald Dahl’s masterpiece, Matilda to Ollie, my five-year old. After reading the descriptions of Miss Honey and The Trunchbull, she talked about how the Trunchbull mows over everyone in her path. Ollie responded, “She sounds kind of like a Republican.”
While this was funny, and one of those, “kids say the darndest things,” moments, but it also made me sad. Earlier in the day, Ollie sat on my lap as I filled out my mail-in ballot for the upcoming primary election. Like two years ago, I am going on a fifth-grade outdoor retreat during the election, and like two year ago, I let Ollie help me with the ballot.
I don’t remember talking to Ollie about this two years ago, but I do remember feeling hopeful, and proud. This time was different. As Ollie sat on my lap, asking me about why I was selecting certain people, I felt determined but also concerned.
I think it’s important that I understand and process own feelings before I share them with Ollie, but that’s not always possible, and that’s okay. However, these moments are really hard. For anyone to say they have fully processed, and fully understood what has been happening in our country in the past two years, is not being honest with themselves.
I am a Democrat, and my liberal views have only become stronger in the past two years. I admit that my thoughts and language about Republicans, have not always been elevated. At times, I feel this darkness is an important part of dealing with words and policies that are objectively some of the worst in American history. This isn’t hyperbole, this is factual. For example, offensive racist and sexist comments continue to come from the 45th and his administration's treatment of children who have illegally crossed into America is right up there with the treatment of Native Americans.
Evenly though the current administration continues work that compromises the rights of Americans, there are those in the Republican party who do not see it this way. Where I believe the deliberate action needs to be taken to combat racism and sexism, many Republicans feel that focusing on the economy is more important. This is how I explained the difference between the parties to Ollie, a difference in priorities.
I also explained to Ollie that the Democrats were fighting harder to have people that looked like mommy and himself as leaders in our government and that this was really important. All types of people should be leaders, not just white men.
I don’t think I said anything overtly negative about Republicans to Ollie, but the feeling may have come across.
I tried. Ollie saw me vote, we talked, he doesn't completely get it, but honestly, neither do I. What I do understand is that we got to do better for our kids, and create a world where people can debate issues with more civility, and a place where leaders actively work to protect people's rights and fight oppression.
I hope that the story takes a different turn in November. We need this as a country, my boys deserve this.
I’ve been asked if my job ever gets boring, teaching the same grades every year. I usually explain that it’s different all the time. I talk about how teaching “Hot Cross Buns,” on the recorder to students is different and a challenge every year because each student is a unique human being. The different dynamics of the classroom community make every year a different challenge, and this is what makes each day of teaching exciting, challenging, and definitely not boring.
Another reason that my job isn’t boring is that my work as a teacher in this school is charged with the mission of responding to current events, and society as a whole. When David Bowie passed away, I taught my students about him, and when the film Selma came out, my 8th graders performed “Glory,” a song from the soundtrack. Part of my job is to help my students better understand the culture that surrounds them. While a lot of what I weave into my classroom is positive, and explicit reflections of events and people in pop culture (e.g. listening to Aretha Franklin sing, to understand her impact), more and more of what I’ve been weaving into my work reflects a need to address problems in our society that we can no longer ignore as teachers.
The events of the past two years have made it clear that our society needs education to specifically teach about anti-racism, social justice, anti-colonialism, how to be a productive and active citizen, and with recent events consent, and destructive expressions of masculinity. One of the factors that has led to the issues, and much of the strife in our country is flaws in our education system. In no way am I saying that this is the most important, or primary reason there are people who claim to be patriots but lack the basic mission of our constitution to ensure rights to citizens, is because of teachers, but it’s an important factor to consider. Keeping in mind that teachers are often hindered by out of date text books, and a lack of sufficient funding for professional development, and y’know…pencils.
I’ve heard music teachers say that they don’t teach about certain these kinds of topics because they are “music” teachers. When we think this way, we miss an opportunity to teach about these topics that music can help students understand. Every single thing we do, from how we sit students, assign instruments, and present music without thought communicates our own bias. However, keeping the topics in the previous paragraph in mind as essential makes the music classroom become a place where learning is relevant, important, and essential.
The fact that I can go to work responding to the darkness and negativity in the world, by teaching my students to embrace diversity, fight for equity, and work for inclusion nurtures my soul.
As President Obama said, “The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don't wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”
Making good in the world, and nurturing hope in myself and my students is never boring.
Ethan totally co-sleeps more than Ollie did when he was his age. With Ollie we more determined that our bed would be “our” space, and that Ollie wouldn’t spend a lot of time in the bed. We did a pretty good job with this. The process we most often used to get him to sleep was rocking him to sleep or pacing around the room. If there was any co-sleeping going on it would be in Ollie’s crib. At least with me, I don’t think Diana was every that into climbing into Ollie’s crib.
We did nap with Ollie in our bed, but for the most part, he stayed out of our bed, especially for long periods of time. When Ollie moved out of his crib into a bed, he didn’t even realize that he could crawl out of his bed, go to our room, and climb into our bed. We literally had him practice climbing out of bed and come into our room. We totally regretted that a couple weeks later when he did that every single night for a couple weeks.
There are mornings when he climbs into cuddle, but this doesn’t happen very often anymore. It used to happen every morning. And there are times when I wake up in the middle of the night and realize he’s sleeping in my arms, seeking comfort from a nightmare.
I don’t regret at all, how we managed Ollie as a baby, toddler, and now as a five-year-old when it comes to sharing our bed. He knows that if he needs this space with us, it’s there. We were able to maintain this space for us in a way that worked for him. I feel that Ollie has always had plenty of physical affection, which is a priority for us.
Ethan pretty much slept all night in our bed last night, and for a good chunk of the night before, and the night before that. Maybe it’s because I’m five years older, but I don’t have it in me to pace around the room, or rock to get him back to sleep. These processes work pretty well because the transfer from the rocking chair to the crib is a lot smoother than from the bed to the crib. Why bring him into bed instead of the rocking chair, or walk around the room pacing? Because it’s more comfortable for me, I can sleep better, and it works to get Ethan back to bed.
The only problem is I end up with Ethan perpendicular to me between me and Diana. If it’s a good night, I have Ethan’s face close to mine, if I get the short end, I have these little feet, mind you very cute little feet, kicking me in the face. While this may work for Ethan, his movements and the knowledge that he is in bed makes me not sleep as well. I’m not so much worried that I will roll over on top of him, I’m more concerned that he will roll out of bed. He’s right at that age when he crawls right off of things, with no sense of danger.
It seems like he’s a more natural co-sleeper than Ollie. I’m not sure if this is true, but it seems like this is the case. Do I sometimes wish he wasn’t in our bed? Of course, especially when I downgrade from his feet in my face to his butt in my face.
Last week around 3am, I was laying in bed, with Ethan held in my left arm. Sleeping on the left side of the bed, my arm kept catching him as he tried to roll of the bed, and then would eventually settle back down. I looked at the clock, and tried to do the math of how much time I had to sleep, and then I told myself to relax, and enjoy the moment. Yes, Ethan in my arms meant that I would be tired…most of the day, but I also knew that there would only be a finite amount of times this would happen, so I turned to him, held him closely, and felt his soft breath on my cheek, and smiled.
She just looked forward. She didn’t spin around and give the boys around her a look or tell them that what they did wasn’t okay. She just stood there quietly facing forward.
This class of 3rd graders were waiting to be invited into the music room before class, and as I was explaining to them what we were going to do today, one boy shoved another boy into that girl. His body pushed against hers, and the boys giggled, as she stood their quietly.
As I explained their error, their intrusion on her space, and on her body, they didn’t really seem to get it. It just didn’t seem like a big deal to them. They were focused on the fact that there was no ill will between the two boys for the push. They clearly had some agreement between them that this kind of physical play was consensual. Their intrusion on her, seemed inconsequential. So, we talked some more right then, and when one of those boys poked a girl with a xylophone mallet, he was done with that activity, so we could talk some more. We ended the class talking about respecting people’s bodies, and consent.
****
I could clearly hear her say “no,” when she walked to her seat. He thought it was funny to accuse her of touching the iPad I use for music class. When he told her that she had done this she said “no,” and then he said it again, moving into her space and getting closer physically to her. By the time I had moved to that part of the room, she had said “no,” five times, and only after I gave him my most severe “teacher look,” and told him “stop talking, and sit down,” in my angriest, quietist and most intense Edward James Olmos Commander Adama voice, did he stop.
I knew that this boy had a lot going on and that he didn’t fully understand the nuances of his error, so I simply told him after class that if anyone tells him “no,” even if you think they are joking, which she clearly wasn’t, that he had to stop what he was doing. Period. "No" meant to stop immediately. and that response to other’s objections had to be honored immediately. I was conscious that I was standing looking down at him and in that moment, he needed authority, and feel the strength of my words.
I found her about to go to lunch and asked her for a moment. Even though she was short, when I sat down in that little 3rd grade chair, I was looking up at her. I told her that it was not okay that he didn’t stop when she said “no.” I explained to her that I had a talk with him and I had seen what she did: the right thing. I told her that it was important that she stand up for herself, and that she should never stop expressing her feelings even though it may feel like people aren’t listening. “Someone will hear you voice, and today that person was me.I” I said goodbye telling her how much I enjoyed having her as a student and that she was important to the class and our community.
******
Every single class this week, I taught about consent. I discussed how interrupting people when they were performing or participating in a discussion was an invasion of space akin to standing too close to someone and making them feel uncomfortable. I explained that it was essential in our music classroom that people feel safe, and comfortable. And I talked about how we would continue community building work in the context of learning about consent, to create make a space where all student feel, seen, valued, and respected.
This past week has been tough for many reasons. If you read my last blog post you have an idea of how current events are affecting my life, and if you are Facebook friends with me, you probably have an idea of another thing that has been on my mind.
Buffy got attacked recently by another dog. Diana was by herself, it was unexpected, it happened really fast, and it was scary. This isn’t the first time we’ve been here. This series of blog posts described the first major incident in which Buffy was attacked
That moment when Buffy was attacked was one the most memorable, and most important moments in my life. It was the coming together of a broadening view of love, responsibility, and relationships. It helped me understand what it meant to really love for another that you raise, and the reality of what you really take on when you become a parent.
Now if you don’t think that having a dog is like being the parent of a human child, that’s fine. People have different views on this one, but for me, being Buffy’s owner, has also felt more like being her parent, and this feeling has only become stronger now that I have two less fuzzy children.
After cleaning up Buffy’s behind, scrubbing her puke out of carpets, giving her medicine through a plastic syringe, and being peed on by her, nothing my boys have done have really grossed me out. That moment when you lean into the grossness, and your care for your little one overcomes you natural aversion to the mess, you are embracing and expressing a love that goes beyond what is easy, to what is hard.
And this week has been hard.
Seeing Buffy’s with a small patch of fur shaved off, and this wound slowly drain and heel, has felt heart-breaking. I know that she’s comfortable because in addition to antibiotics she’s on pain medication, and she is eating digesting just fine. However, I still feel really sad. I keep telling myself that this will all soon be a memory, but the healing process just feels like it’s going so slowly. While seeing Buffy walk around the house with her cone on is sometimes funny like when she bonks into things, her defeated groan as she lays down, giving up on trying move with the cone on makes me wish I could do something more for her.
There are limits in my relationship with Buffy. There are experiences I can never share with her, and things that I can never make her fully understand. However my love for her continues to grow through the moments we share, and a love beyond my understanding.
Tell me something girl Are you happy in this modern world?
As Bradley Cooper gently sang, almost like an invitation in the opening of “Shallow,” the song from his new film A Star Is Born, everything from the last day came over me. As I drove to school this morning, the power of emotion created an intensity in my body. I let the tears come thinking of something I said to one of my 3rd graders who told me that there was no point in crying, “tears aren’t a bad thing. They are very important. I’ve cried a lot in my past, and I have a lot of crying left to do in my life.”
Thursday was on my mind for two reasons. For the past two months I’ve been obsessed with the new version A Star Is Born.
I can’t quite articulate why. I’m not a huge fan of the Barbara Streisand version, and I think the lyrics to the theme, “Evergreen” are unintentionally comical, though the vocals are amazing.
Maybe it’s the power of Lady Gaga, but for sure it was the music. Emotional, and beautiful, the portion of “Shallow,” featured in the trailer is something really unique, and powerful. I’ve been searching daily for information about the release of the soundtrack. When it was announced that “Shallow” would be out Thursday, I got really excited.
The other thing that was going to happen Thursday was the hearing about the Kavanaugh featuring testimony from Dr. Ford.
It doesn’t feel right to say that I was looking forward to this event. Maybe anticipating is a better word. I’ve seen a lot of strength and bravery in my life, and I sensed what Dr. Ford was going to do was going to surpass my imagination, and fundamentally affect me in a way that I couldn’t anticipate.
In all the good times, I find myself longing for change
Teaching yesterday felt strange. The energy of universe seemed to be tense, focused on Dr. Ford and Kavanaugh. I had a busy day, and I wasn’t in the position to watch the hearing live or even check in on the news. It was hard to stay focused and even though I was able to have a productive day, there was a tension in my body, a feeling in the air knowing that there was something important happening.
I wanted to take some action in my classes address the issues around this historical moment. I told myself that since I made so many clear and deliberate choices to have a feminist approach to my curriculum that I was doing enough. Every single song we have studied this year has been by a woman or had a version that was performed by women. In 5th grade we explored different versions of “Have You Ever Seen The Rain?” After reading my students’ observations of these videos. I was proud to see that many recognized the significance of the fact that one version was performed by a strong, powerful woman, Joan Jett, and favored this cover because of this fact.
As I went through the day, I couldn’t help but think more about my girls. I made sure that I let them finish what they wanted to share and ensure that everyone gave them space to think and speak. I thought twice about how I addressed two girls who clearly weren’t paying attention, and were having a side-conversation. Instead of walking by with a wave, I stopped, kneeled down and greeted a JK girl who waved to me.
When I got to my last 3rd grade class of the day. I felt conflicted. I was looking forward to leaving school so that I could hear Dr. Ford’s words, but I also felt thankful that I had one more class, one more excuse to not lean into what I knew would be difficult words to hear.
We had been listening to “Long Time Gone,” by the Dixie Chicks and using it as a movement activity in class. Using balls, the students created patterns outlining the meter, and we did some dancing with the balls as group. Instead of showing a performance from when the song came out and they were embraced by the Country music community, I showed them a performance from their recent MMXVI tour:
I was fortunate to see a show from this tour live, and believe me, they were more than musicians, it was like being in the presence of superheroes.
For the other 3rd grade classes, when I showed the music video, I introduced the names of each member and talked about their instruments. For this class, at the end of this day I felt that I had to something more.
I’m off the deep end watch as I dive in
You see this woman here? Her name is Natalie Maines. She’s not a big or tall person, she’s only a couple inches shorter than me, but she’s strong. We often think of strength as being able to lift something heavy, or having big muscles, but there’s a different kind a strength, a more important kind of strength.
Natalie has a huge voice, it’s loud, it’s a little brash, but it can also be gentle and kind. This ability is kind displays emotional strength. That’s one reason she’s one of my heroes. The other reason that I admire her is that she is strong enough to speak her mind and be herself.
There was a time when Natalie said something that a lot of people didn’t agree with, and people told her that she should be quiet, not have an opinion, and in very mean words to “shut up and sing.”
Why didn’t people want her to speak?
Because she is a woman, and some people are afraid of strong women.
That’s not right.
No, it’s not. Some people who are weak, try to make others feel bad, and one way to do that is not letting them have a voice. Some people don’t think kids should have a voice, but they are wrong, your voice is so important. Some people don’t think woman should speak up, and have a voice, and they are wrong.
Your experiences, your stories, are so important, and you all have a right to share them, and be heard. And we all should make sure that others know that we care about their stories. It takes strength to do these things, and Natalie is a powerful example of a person who even though is short like many of you and a woman, a weakness seen by some, has incredible strength and refuses not to be heard.
I’ll never meet the ground
It didn’t come up easily. At times, I tripped over my words. I wanted to go somewhere with these students, but I knew I couldn’t go into all the details of the ordeal that Natalie went through simply by speaking out against a President.
There are times when you take a chance with your students. When you tap into feelings that are raw and thoughts that are unprocessed, you are taking a chance. It’s a scary place to be in as a teacher. I just wanted to show them the darkness, the sadness, but also wanted them to know that there was a light.
I wanted the boys to know that I was a man I admired women, and I wanted my girls to know that I see them, I value them, and that they have strength in them that I see in them.
I don’t what they got out of my talk, and showing the video, but I tried. It was difficult, but I knew, that Dr. Ford had done something far more courageous, so how could I not try in a small way to do something for my students?
We’re far from the shallow now
As I began to drive to school this morning, the power of what I heard the night before still stuck with me. Dr. Ford’s extraordinary moment of courage and strength filled me with inspiration, while Kavanaugh’s pathetic dishonest, display or juvenile anger , brought me frustration, and sadness.
As Lady Gaga’s voice soared through “Shallow,” with a melody that was both primal and heartfelt, everything felt more powerful, more present, and more urgent. I couldn’t understand these feelings and my tears, but I knew it was because of something significant. Driving to work, moving through space, along with this song became a journey to a different place in my mind, in my world, in our world.
We are in the deep end. We can’t go back to the safety of ignorance. We can only go deeper. To stay afloat we have to work harder. We don’t have a choice, we are in this new place, and everything has to change.
