Dan Savage, author, journalist and advocate, likes to demonstrate empathy with other parents who are facing the challenging of talking to their children about sex, by talking about the failing in his own talk with his son. He describes about how he forgot to tell his son one of the most important things about sex, that it should be for pleasure.
I felt the similar failing last night with my son.
Diana, my wife, has been reading Roald Dahl’s masterpiece, Matilda to Ollie, my five-year old. After reading the descriptions of Miss Honey and The Trunchbull, she talked about how the Trunchbull mows over everyone in her path. Ollie responded, “She sounds kind of like a Republican.”
While this was funny, and one of those, “kids say the darndest things,” moments, but it also made me sad. Earlier in the day, Ollie sat on my lap as I filled out my mail-in ballot for the upcoming primary election. Like two years ago, I am going on a fifth-grade outdoor retreat during the election, and like two year ago, I let Ollie help me with the ballot.
I don’t remember talking to Ollie about this two years ago, but I do remember feeling hopeful, and proud. This time was different. As Ollie sat on my lap, asking me about why I was selecting certain people, I felt determined but also concerned.
I think it’s important that I understand and process own feelings before I share them with Ollie, but that’s not always possible, and that’s okay. However, these moments are really hard. For anyone to say they have fully processed, and fully understood what has been happening in our country in the past two years, is not being honest with themselves.
I am a Democrat, and my liberal views have only become stronger in the past two years. I admit that my thoughts and language about Republicans, have not always been elevated. At times, I feel this darkness is an important part of dealing with words and policies that are objectively some of the worst in American history. This isn’t hyperbole, this is factual. For example, offensive racist and sexist comments continue to come from the 45th and his administration's treatment of children who have illegally crossed into America is right up there with the treatment of Native Americans.
Evenly though the current administration continues work that compromises the rights of Americans, there are those in the Republican party who do not see it this way. Where I believe the deliberate action needs to be taken to combat racism and sexism, many Republicans feel that focusing on the economy is more important. This is how I explained the difference between the parties to Ollie, a difference in priorities.
I also explained to Ollie that the Democrats were fighting harder to have people that looked like mommy and himself as leaders in our government and that this was really important. All types of people should be leaders, not just white men.
I don’t think I said anything overtly negative about Republicans to Ollie, but the feeling may have come across.
I tried. Ollie saw me vote, we talked, he doesn't completely get it, but honestly, neither do I. What I do understand is that we got to do better for our kids, and create a world where people can debate issues with more civility, and a place where leaders actively work to protect people's rights and fight oppression.
I hope that the story takes a different turn in November. We need this as a country, my boys deserve this.
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