I was getting annoyed at all of those Bears’ fans and the concept of football as a whole.
I love being a parent. I love my boys, and I love my life. Nothing I do for my family I define as a sacrifice. I chose to get married, I chose to have kids, and I chose Sunday morning to drive my family to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago to celebrate Ethan’s first birthday, which was a couple days earlier. No one forced me into any of this, which is why I’ve very careful about how I vent my frustrations related to being a dad.
There are countless frustrations that come along with being a parent in modern-day American society. While we enjoy plenty of lip-service when it comes to the importance of families and children, little economic and political work has happened by those currently in power at the federal level to actually help kids (e.g. public-school funding, gun-control). The fact that there are children in our country who do not have enough to eat, while there is plenty of resources to make sure not one child ever goes hungry in America ever again, is a clear sign that there are in fact many people who don’t actually care about children and families.
As a parent you move through society, and life, dealing with all of this in stride because for many parents, like me, this was all a choice. Now it’s important that I pause and state that having a child when you want to have to child and felt “ready,” is a privilege that I have enjoyed that many parents do not have.
I’m going to give you a peak in on some of my frustration, and well, rage because, it’s a part of parenting, and it needs to be acknowledged. I was really angry that after driving down to the Shedd Aquarium, on a Sunday which should have taken 45 minutes took an hour and a half. Then there was another hour of driving around, realizing there was no parking and getting out of that area because there was a Bears game.
It is frustrating that my families plans to go to the aquarium was a lesser priority than a football. Our needs were superseded. I’ve spent my entire life being made fun of for what I enjoyed as entertainment: comic books, sci-fi movies, geek culture, action figures, and professional wrestling. These are things that have and continue to bring me joy, and I was and still am to some extent still are made to feel less then because of my fandom. It’s not fair that my families desires for an outing were put aside for someone else’s.
When was the last time a person couldn’t go to a professional sports game because the parking was closed down for children’s concert? Yeah, that sounds preposterous, but so is spending millions of dollars on a league which still has an openly racist mascot, and fails to use its power and influences to fight for the rights of the Black players who make the owners (many of whom are white) millions.
We drove another forty-give minutes and eventually got to the Museum of Science and Industry, and we have a great time there. But it took a very frustrating two-hour car ride to get to the point in which I was laying back in the Giant Dome Theater with Ollie on top of me enjoying a half an hour film about the ocean. Even though the film was mediocre, sharing that moment with Ollie on top of me, and Diana and Ethan sitting next to me was wonderful. Ethan looking up at the screen with wonder and awe was magical. The hour car ride home wasn’t, but I don’t regret my choices.
Part of what bugged me about the Bears’ game was seeing all of those guys tailgating, spending hours together when I didn’t have that kind of time for myself. Yes, I chose to spend time with my family but this doesn’t mean though that part of me isn’t jealous of what those guys have. I wish that I could find a space and talk about what I love in open and know that others will accept my interests. I wish I had more time for myself, and I wish on some level that I could care less about my family, and be satisfied with being less of a father.
But I can’t, it's just who I am.
I’d rather be myself and be lonely, than be something I’m not and be accepted by others.
Being a parent is hard, and being your genuine self is also really hard, but both of these things bring meaning to life like nothing else. And that feeling laying in bed at night knowing that you did right by your family and yourself, that makes everything worth it.
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